scotty77 Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 I work in the nursing/healthcare field and have become interested in a co-worker.We don't work together all of the time but sporadically and I potentially see her 2-3 times a week.I have done the small talk routine with her and we do seem to get along very well.A few times while we were working together she has touched me ,not in obvious ways but say if I ask for a pen she will deliberately give it to me in such a way that our hands must touch ,that sort of thing.Also when I mentioned I was looking for old furniture she mentioned that she might have some things I would be interested in.She is about 10 years older than me which isn't a big deal except everyone always says how young I look for my age,so I sometimes get the impression that she just assumes that I wouldn't be interested in her.We both have a lot of similar interests movies so she is definitely someone I would like to date but if I ask her out and she doesn't accept ,then I have to deal with seeing her 2-3 times a week and feeling uncomfortable.Should I ask her out and if so ,how should I do it??? If she says no,how do I deal with it,just pretend it didn't happen ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shes2smart Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 First thing you need to do before you anything else is check to see if your company has a policy about co-workers dating. Some companies have a written policy that forbids it (under pain of firing), some companies have a policy that strongly discourages it, and some don't care one way or the other as long as it doesn't interfere with either of you doing your jobs. If you do not already know what this specific company's policy is, do not assume that it would be ok....unless, of course, you don't care if either of you keep your jobs or not. Beyond that, the issues you raise are exactly why many people here (and elsewhere) will tell you to avoid dating co-workers. It is awkward if one is interested and the other isn't, it can get in the way of doing your jobs, and it is incredibly difficult if/when the relationship goes belly up. There is a reason sayings like: "Don't get your honey where you get your money" and "Don't poop where you eat" exist. All that being said, I dated co-workers twice. Once, it was an FWB situation and I worked with him for nearly 10 years before it got personal. When it ended, it was amicable and no one we worked with ever knew. The second time I became involved with a co-worker, it was a mess and ended up being a contributing factor to me leaving a job I'd had for nearly 20 years. I've found out (the hard way) it's much better to keep a good, solid wall between "work" and "personal." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robowarrior Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Well its a win win situation for you, if you ask her out and she says no, then you can say to yourself at least i tried, and she might not be interested now, but you put the ball in her court, that if ever she would get interest that at least she knows there's an oppertunity lying out there for her to jump into. If she says yes, you've got a date, its like this you never hit if you never shoot right. So might as well go for gold in your life V.S living in insecurity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 We both have a lot of similar interests movies so she is definitely someone I would like to date but if I ask her out and she doesn't accept ,then I have to deal with seeing her 2-3 times a week and feeling uncomfortable.Should I ask her out and if so ,how should I do it??? If she says no,how do I deal with it,just pretend it didn't happen ?? Hi Scotty! This is a pretty though question if you ask me. I have my own rule on this - never date a co-worker because if it goes wrong it can be hell (read: "don't * * * * where you eat"). I don't mean to tell you what to do - I think you're smart enough to figure it on your own, I just want to show you the other side of the medal. So the main idea is - if it's good, it could be very good but if goes bad - it becomes hell (ok, now will HellFrost666 say it is not *so* bad either... ). Scotty, whatever you do, be prepared for the situation that might go both ways... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty77 Posted April 1, 2007 Author Share Posted April 1, 2007 I agree dating a coworker has potential issues but on the other side of the coin it is much easier to socialize with women at work [for me] than it is with women say at a bar.At work ,I can just be myself and relax.I know I am mature enough to deal with a situation say where the romance goes sour and you then have to work together but I guess not everyone would find it so easy.I want to ask her out or maybe I will just get to know her as a friend,anyway I want to try with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 I agree dating a coworker has potential issues but on the other side of the coin it is much easier to socialize with women at work [for me] than it is with women say at a bar.At work ,I can just be myself and relax.I know I am mature enough to deal with a situation say where the romance goes sour and you then have to work together but I guess not everyone would find it so easy.I want to ask her out or maybe I will just get to know her as a friend,anyway I want to try with her. Scotty, that is perfectly ok. Just please decide if you want to be her friend or something more because if you're just scared to get for more and you keep her as a friend - it will get harder and harder. If there is attraction from both side, go for the "full prize". Don't settle with being friends. Don't ever settle. Good luck man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpc28655 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I avoid it at ALL costs. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. But, anyone that knows me also knows that I don't go there. But this is only my opinion. If you feel comfortable with dating a coworker, and you understand what is involved, then by all means go for it. Ironcially, my parents met at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krisnakay Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 I have to comment on this post once again.My ex and I worked together for 3 years.We dated for 1 year.UPDATE...he and his "good ole boy" club Have now commenced to laughing about our relationship.All of the sudden the people that once were my friends also...have taken sides and I of course am on the OUTSIDE.I feel like I am living in a house with a family that I am not part of.What a JERK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 the easiest answer....don't do it. too many bad things can happen from this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaNOx9 Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 I work in the nursing/healthcare field and have become interested in a co-worker.We don't work together all of the time but sporadically and I potentially see her 2-3 times a week. Hmm... Well personally I don't think I'd go the co-worker route again, even if I was potentially seeing this person only 2-3 times a week. The risks outweigh the benefits big time. I didn't care before. I do now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaNOx9 Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 I have to comment on this post once again.My ex and I worked together for 3 years.We dated for 1 year.UPDATE...he and his "good ole boy" club Have now commenced to laughing about our relationship.All of the sudden the people that once were my friends also...have taken sides and I of course am on the OUTSIDE.I feel like I am living in a house with a family that I am not part of.What a JERK! That's funny cause same thing here. She's in with this gossipy "clique" now and I can hear the smack from here. It's pathetic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 That's funny cause same thing here. She's in with this gossipy "clique" now and I can hear the smack from here. It's pathetic. exactly why i don't cross those boundaries. i have always said this. a lot of people say "but you can meet a great person". to that i say, that great person can turn into and evil person overnight. trust me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p_fred Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Wait until she leaves the company. You might be able to handle it if it goes bad... BUT... maybe she can't? Hopefully you won't have to find out. If you go for it be very carefull.. do not tell her anything that could be used against you should things go bad (or she wants out and starts to make things bad hoping you will break up with her) Something to think about. You could lose a relationship and a job. Do a little research and try being friends first - take it real slow.. also find out if she is with anyone else in the company - last thing you want is a love triangle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altruist Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 That's funny cause same thing here. She's in with this gossipy "clique" now and I can hear the smack from here. It's pathetic. I wouldn't go there too. Imagine the snigers behind your back as your ex 'reveals all' about your private life and your 'performance'. Where once she described you as a stud you will be shocked to hear the sudden change of opinion.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 why it might not be true, but do you want all of the women at your work to hear you have a small winky? i bet not. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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