how much is too much

[Blackhawk2009]

ok since i have about 2% experience with the whole dating scene i really need help with this.

 

Ok this girl called me last night around 11:00pm, and we talked for about an hr or so. (thats a record for me by the way). Now i wanted to talk to her again today but she said that maybe i can call her tomorrow because she is doing something or w/e. My problem is I always like want to know if its ok for me to call. Like i always try to find out if they are busy or not. I send like a text message asking if they are busy. My friend told me i should just call. I just seem to have the problem where i dont want to waste peoples time.

 

How much is too much, in terms of talking with her on the phone or on messenger? Like should i call her every night or every other night or once and a while. I really enjoy talking to her, i love hearing her laugh it makes me feel really good so i like always want to call her.

She lives like an hr or so away from me and we just started talking so perhaps i will hang out with her next weekend or something..i dont kno

 

Im just askin for some input from fellow ENAers

[StarLily]

if she likes you, you wouldn't be wasting her time. She'd be very happy if you called. So don't worry about it. Just call.

As for how often... Don't call too often or she will think you're desperate. Just let her know you're interested, but not obsessed with her...

[DropToZero]

Hey man, umm...ever heard that short parable message about holding a dove in your hand(I think it's a dove? haha). Umm...anyways, hold it too tightly and you'll suffocate and kill it, hold it too loosely and it'll fly away. Treat the situation(and many others) like that, don't be desperate, be you and call when you feel like it, but don't let weeks go by without calling. You want to have this attitude(and I dont mean be an arrogant guy), but this attitude that every time you call you light up and make her day, so that's why you have to do it only here and there. Don't worry about whether she's "busy" or not, that's why you use that phone to meet up at other plans and not to talk for hours on end.

 

I dunno tho haha, I'm bad with phones and never call people. But yeah, you talked for an hour last time...I'd say that's enough, next time you call her, use that phone to SET UP a date for in person chat rather than on your phone. It's better to use your phone/instant mesg for setting up things than your only form of communication.

[Blackhawk2009]

yea this all sounds like good stuff..i take your advice, thanks alot for the help. Yea i texted her today and she said if i want i can call her tomorrow but would it be a good idea to call her tonite still? Just wonderin

[DropToZero]

I mean, all in all, that's up to you...I wouldn't, I'd wait another day or two, then call, talk for 10 mins or so, say you're busy and you gotta go, but want to do something on Friday/Saturday night, make plans...then hang up. The point is to put her on edge a little, I always find once a girl has kinda fallen for you, she'll want to see and talk to you a lot at first, but you need to play it like you're in control(which you should be) and don't get to this point where you "have" to talk to her. You say you're inexperienced, so I dont know...you may have a hard time controlling those things. You'll learn, I learned most of these things the hard way hah...trust me I messed up my first few chances to date girls at different stages in the dating process(if there is such one lol). So yeah, I can advise you all you want, but what you do is your own choice, I can tell you all these things, but you can also learn them on your own by seeing how these girls you're interested in respond to your actions. Another thing if you want, don't ask her when to call, TELL her when you're going to call...be a little more in control. The more I date, the more I find girls want a guy who's leading the way, not overbearingly forcing her into things, but one who is just a man overall(the dove thing again hah). Good luck heh...

[StarLily]

but you need to play it like you're in control(which you should be)

 

I disagree

[DropToZero]

I disagree

 

lol I knew that word "play" might catch some attention. He should be in control, I dont mean "of" the girl, I mean of himself...most guys who are in-experienced in relationships tend to lose that control once they start dating. They get that feeling of "I'm in" with a girl once the girl begins to accept them and they feel more comfortable with her. Some guys will start acting less like men, stop flirting as much, let their love blindness lose sight of what made this girl like him in the first place(the flirting, how fun he was to be around, made her laugh and feel great). I'm not saying she shouldn't like him for who he is, but do you know what I mean? That's why he's asking these "should I call?" and "when should I call?" and "did I talk too much with her?" questions...too much doubt/indecision and not enough support/strength behind his actions. That can easily come into "play" later on lol...if he doesn't keep that in mind. Eh, sorry, don't want to take your post off topic.

[Blackhawk2009]

not not all all...actually very interesting when i think about it

[ArchToronto]

Ya I know what you're trying to say DropToZero. It's true girls and even guys for that matter like someone who is decisive and a leader. Hesitation can be a turnoff for both sexes, not just girls. Its kinda of like when you're dating and you and your partner are trying to plan what to do and both are asking each other "I dunno what do you want to do". After a while it gets tedious and annoying.

 

So in conclusion a girl likes someone who takes charge of the situation cause it shows you are confident about yourself.

[Blackhawk2009]

yea im also wondering like wats a good time to call a girl, like the latest