I just want to ask something

[Emka]

I have told one friend I am gay. Because I had fallen in love with this other girl and I had told her ( stupid drunken text message!!) and I was terrified of the whole town finding out. My friend's reaction was great - she was, like, soo supportive. She told me I was normal.

 

Now this same friend of mine as also unhappily married with a kid. We kinda connect while she has an aggressive relationship with her husband. We have been on holiday together a couple of times since and she books us into a double room (to save money of course). Once, she went on a conference to Italy, rang me from the train and said "come and meet me". I wanted to but thought it wasn't a good idea. A couple of days later she sent me a text message saying you should have come, there's plenty of space, I've got a huge bed!

 

Now this girl is straight. But I don't think she should do this. It confuses me.

 

I dunno - like, do you think this is strange?

 

see I havn't really had a relationship yet. I have no idea how to read situations. But I screwed up with the other girl mentioned above (although luckily she was really cool about it) and am in no rush of doing this again...fancying straight girls is terrible

[Scout]

I think your friend is sending mixed messages, yes. At any rate, I'm going to give you the same advice I would give you if you were straight: don't fool around with someone who is in a relationship with someone else. It's not cool, period. Would you want someone to mess around with your partner? I highly doubt it.

 

No matter her relationship with her husband, either. Don't try to justify getting romantically involved with someone because their partner is this or that. These things rarely work out, and just end up making everyone miserable down the road.

 

I also have my reservations about pursuing someone who isn't openly gay. You want your first relationship to be as positive as possible, and getting involved with someone who is not clear on their sexual orientation usually opens up a whole bunch of other headaches.

[robowarrior]

Adultery is wrong, you shouldn't do anything with her until she is properly divorced from her husband.

[Emka]

Cheers I agree - cheating is wrong. I didn't really mean to ask whether to pursue this relationship or not. Just that it's really difficult to read signs. I find it very confusing. See if I was straight - I could just ask. With a girl there's too much second guessing.

 

I guess my question is more about 'gaydar'. I read this term a lot. Mine definitely has faulty transmission. Does anyone have any clues about how to tell??

 

Scout - the problem that I have is that where I live NO-ONE is openly gay. I have lived here two years and haven't met anyone who is gay. I should move really but I like it here. I don't believe there are any fewer gay girls here than anywhere else but I don't know how to find them. I cannot 'come out' because I am a teacher in a country with a government who want to ban gay teachers!

[Scout]

Scout - the problem that I have is that where I live NO-ONE is openly gay. I have lived here two years and haven't met anyone who is gay. I should move really but I like it here. I don't believe there are any fewer gay girls here than anywhere else but I don't know how to find them. I cannot 'come out' because I am a teacher in a country with a government who want to ban gay teachers!

 

I think you should move, too. You'll find a place you like even better.

 

The other option is to come out anyway. They haven't banned gay teachers yet, and to do that, I think they'll have to ban gay legislators first!

[Emka]

thank you. Yeah, I might. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain! If it works out badly I'll move. I have the internet now anyway. People obviously do use the internet sites here in Poland but they can't afford the subscription fees so it's kinda pointless! At least in England I can meet people without the mind games!! (or less of them at least)

 

I will let you know how it goes!