Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I recently found out that one of my best friends is a lesbian. When I found out I was really mad. All I could think about was all the times I've changed shirts infront of her and the times shes slept over and slept in my bed and it just completely disgusted me. To me it's basically the same thing as a guy seeing you change or sleeping with you in your bed except it's a girl which is even worse because I don't like girls. When she told me I didn't freak out or anything I just basically left. She's called soo many times but I don't even want to talk to her. Yesterday I had to see her because we had a soccer game and it was so awkward in the change room because everyone knows and nobody wants her there now. She's been my friend for so long and it's like I can't even imagine loosing her as a friend but I can't be friends with her right now. I almost wish she hadn't said anything. I just don't know what to do with the whole situation. I mean do I just drop her and stop talking to her all together or do I stay friends with her even though I'm really creeped out by her now. For the record I'm not homophobic or anything. Some of my bestfriends are gay and I do have some lesbian friends but it's differnt with this friend. I don't know...was my reaction totally unreasonable? Link to comment
Stu147 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Hey Brooke, To be honest I would have to say that you're pushing your friend away at a time that she probably really needs you. This has got to be really hard for her, with everyone just finding out like that. You guys have been best friends for a long time, and it would be so wrong to lose a friendship over something like this. She has not wronged you in any way. I can understand what you are saying and why you might feel slightly uncomfortable, but I think you need to put that aside and remember all the good things about her that made her your best friend in the first place. I'm sure she's been there for you many times? Maybe helped you through difficulties? Shared happy times with you? You would throw all this away because of something that she cannot possibly change about herself? Ok, so she has seen you in some compromising positions and you feel uncomfortable and maybe embarrassed about that, but just because she likes girls doesn't mean she has been lusting over you, any more than you fancy every man you see. I really think you should be the friend to her now that she has always been to you. Pick up the phone, call her. And if necessary talk all of this through with her. But don't cast her out in the cold, that is just heartless and cruel. Link to comment
jengh Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 yeah, i agree 100% with superior... just be there for her. chances are, she doesn't think of you in a sexual way.... you have male friends that are JUST friends, right? Think of it like that... so what if she's seen you naked... Link to comment
musicguy Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 So what if she's a lesbian and she's gone over to your place and you've changed in front of her..what does that have to do with your friendship with her? It's kind of rude of you to be creeped out by her because of her sexual orientation Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 I realize that it's hard for her. I've tried to just think about the times shes been there and the good things but I'm finding it hard to even think of her as that person. I don't know why I can't just get over this but she's been lying to me for so long and she's basically had a whole part of her life I didn't know anything about. It just makes me think how much do I really know about her. Link to comment
Dako Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 She needs your support and understanding, and you're making this all about your insecurities. It would do you a world of good to talk to her. Sure, gays and lesbians are put into roles and situations that assume they're straight until they realize it doesn't fit them. Calling it lying is pretty much an overstatement. She's coming to a realization, not tricking you. Luckily, straights don't have this event in their life, and never have to make that decision to come out. She's not betraying you by coming out to you. She obviously trusts you and cares. What are you doing in exchange? Link to comment
blue-eyedspacemonkey Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 The chances are that if she was attracted to you in anyway, she wouldn't have done slept in your bad, or gone in the changing room with you, she would've felt too uncomfortable, knowing that you are heterosexual. It's very hard coming out to people close to you, she may only have just becaome comfortable with her sexuality herself. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 So what if she's a lesbian and she's gone over to your place and you've changed in front of her..what does that have to do with your friendship with her? It's kind of rude of you to be creeped out by her because of her sexual orientation It was kind of rude of her to lie to me about it and then just one day randomly tell me oh yeah by the way I'm a lesbian. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 She told me infront of other people too. We were at a party and I was just kind of like stunned. It was just like ok what am I supposed to do now. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 She needs your support and understanding, and you're making this all about your insecurities. It would do you a world of good to talk to her. Sure, gays and lesbians are put into roles and situations that assume they're straight until they realize it doesn't fit them. Calling it lying is pretty much an overstatement. She's coming to a realization, not tricking you. Luckily, straights don't have this event in their life, and never have to make that decision to come out. She's not betraying you by coming out to you. She obviously trusts you and cares. What are you doing in exchange? She said she's known it for a long time. That's not a realization... Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 She said she's known it for a long time. That's not a realization... Does it matter if she's known it for a long time? And why do you think just because she's gay, and you've seen her change that she's automatically attracted to YOU? Thats a bit self-centered to be honest. Just because she is gay doesn't mean she is attracted to all her straight female friends! Do you ever wonder why gay people have such a hard time coming out to their friends and family when you act the way you do??? Link to comment
Dako Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 She told me infront of other people too. We were at a party and I was just kind of like stunned. It was just like ok what am I supposed to do now. Treat her as a caring friend? I've had friends come out to me and I feel honored that they trust me. Apparently your friend thought she could trust you. I sense you're a bit too concerned with what people think of you being friends with her. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 No definatly not. Madison is my bestfriend I don't think there's anything she could tell me that'd make me not want to be friends with her. Link to comment
blue-eyedspacemonkey Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Just because she's known it for a long time, doesn't necessarily mean she has been comfortable with it for a long time. She may have only just felt confident enough to tell people. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Just because she's known it for a long time, doesn't necessarily mean she has been comfortable with it for a long time. She may have only just felt confident enough to tell people. Yeah I get that. It's just really weird to me that she'd tell me now. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Treat her as a caring friend? I've had friends come out to me and I feel honored that they trust me. Apparently your friend thought she could trust you. I sense you're a bit too concerned with what people think of you being friends with her. Noones ever like came out to me before. I never though of it was wow she really trusts me I kind of actually thought of it as why did she have to tell me. Link to comment
thyroxine Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I think you should at least call her and tell her you feel betrayed by her. What she did was extremely risky as she had the chance to lose you as a friend - you probably are confirming her fear. You also said that no one wants her in the changing room, so that leads me to believe she's probably feeling kind of outcasted. Just take a step back and put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if your friends all of sudden were cold to you? To ask "Why did she have to tell me?" is a bit selfish. Why should she have to pretend to be someone else and hide who she really is? Link to comment
blue-eyedspacemonkey Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Yeah I get that. It's just really weird to me that she'd tell me now. Yes, and she probably could've told you in a better way than at a party in front of people, but, the way it happened to me, was, that once I was comfortable with it, and had been for a while, I felt like I owed it to my close friends to tell them, so that I wasn't lying to them. I couldn't keep it in. Does that make sense? Link to comment
jengh Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I understand you're weirded out. My friend just told me she's bi recently and it just made me think of all the times we were naked in front of each other, etc. But, you know... you just have to thinka bout how hard it was for her to tell you. She trusts you. If I were you, I'd tell her it weirded you out a little bit and that you're sorry for acting awkward around her but that it's just going to take a little time to get used to. But that you LOVE her as a friend no matter what. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 I grew up thinking it's wrong to be gay and it was never really talked about in my house. I've known and been friends with gay people but I've never been really good friends with someone who was gay. I guess that's my issue that I have to get over. I just really never thought one of my bestfriends would be gay Link to comment
Dako Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Brooke, do you have much experience with close gay friends? If not, I think this a good opportunity, not a disaster. She must know you disapprove. She's probably hurting right now, and you can help her. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I grew up thinking it's wrong to be gay and it was never really talked about in my house. I've known and been friends with gay people but I've never been really good friends with someone who was gay. I guess that's my issue that I have to get over. I just really never thought one of my bestfriends would be gay What your friends do in the bedroom has nothing to do with your friendship! If you have fun with her, enjoying spending time with her, makes you laugh etc etc... thats all that matters! Link to comment
musicguy Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 It was kind of rude of her to lie to me about it and then just one day randomly tell me oh yeah by the way I'm a lesbian. just because she didn't tell you that she's a lesbian isn't lieing to you. Some people are more open to revealing their sexual orientation than others. You should just get over the fact that she's a lesbian and continue to be her friend Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Yes, and she probably could've told you in a better way than at a party in front of people, but, the way it happened to me, was, that once I was comfortable with it, and had been for a while, I felt like I owed it to my close friends to tell them, so that I wasn't lying to them. I couldn't keep it in. Does that make sense? That definatly makes sense. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Brooke, do you have much experience with close gay friends? If not, I think this a good opportunity, not a disaster. She must know you disapprove. She's probably hurting right now, and you can help her. All of my friends that are gay I knew were gay before I became friends with them. Link to comment
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