Herpes, long term effects

[Cooperstown]

I just found out my current partner has herpes after having about a months worth of unprotected sex with her. I asked if she was clean and on the pill and she responded yes to both questions. Yesterday she told me she has herpes. I'm pretty devastated right now, you can't get tested without an outbreak and most people that have it get an outbreak 2-14 days after exposure. There are however some people who it remains dormant in there entire life. So the rest of my life I'm going to sit and wonder, do I have herpes or not. How do you come to terms with something like this, this is just so much to handle. On top of that she's lashing out at me because she's so mad at herself for not saying anything that she's taking it out on me. I really care about her and I plan to stick by her side, she is special to me. I'm just so lost right now, has anyone gone through this here? Can anyone help me or give me advice, I'm just so lost right now words can't describe it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Cooper - ya know, they had a whole segment on this on a radio show here a while ago. Is it irresponsible not to tell someone you are intimate with that you have herpes.

 

I think, if such a conlcusion can be reached on a radio show, the conclusion they came to was: if its a one night stand and you plan to use protection anyway, what's the point of telling? Chances of spreading it are minimum at that point and you plan to never see them again.

 

But a relationship - that's a different story.

 

You have every right to be upset. I would personally be moritified.

 

BUT - you have chosen to stay with this person and move on.

 

I suggest, since you've commited to sticking by her side, that you do that. I'm not saying don't be upset, cos like I said, you DO have the right to be, but try not to crucify her over and over again for it after you've said you'd forgive and move on.

 

Just make sure from now on you ALWAYS use protection.

 

I've known quite a few people who've had gfs with herpes and they have NOT contracted it. Stay covered.

[Yvette84]

I had this scare with HIV not too long ago. Thank God though me and my BF turned out negative. Have you spoken to a doctor??? I think that sounds weird about having to wait for an outbreak to get tested. If that were the case then how does your gf know she's infected??? I don't know much about it or the damage it does, but if it stays dormant forever and causes you no harm, then you should be fine. Now the thing I have a problem with is your gf and lying to you and actually taking the chance of infecting you with something!!!! that is soooooooooooooooooooooo selfish and cruel!!!! I honestly don't see how you can stay with someone who would do such a thing to you.

[sophie274]

Yeah, I think you need to decide whether you want to continue the relationship with her. For me, such a huge breach of trust, so soon, would be a dealbreaker I think. But of course this is your decision to make.

 

If you do decide to stay with her, then you must make the effort to move on and not be angry with her. However, it is completely unacceptable for her to be mad at you. Maybe if you two are running really high on emotions you could just spend a few days apart to give yourself time to cool down.

 

After that, you need to check to see if you have herpes, and then come up with an action plan to make sure you do not get herpes. Talk to your doc and find out what the risks of you getting herpes from her are - and what the best methods of protection are. I would not have sex with her until you find a solution that has a risk low enough to be acceptable for you. Get tested in a few weeks - I believe for herpes that is enough time for it to show up.

 

As I said in the beginning though, I would think long and hard about staying with her. This wasn't just a breach of trust - her lie had/has potentially LIFE-LONG consequences for you, and that you would have to carry into all future relationships. For me, it would be one of those red-flags: breaking the trust before it even exists!

[Kalika]

She knew about it and had unprotected sex with you?? That's honestly one of the worst things I've ever heard in my life. It's one thing to not know. It's another to blatantly lie and put someone else's health and life in danger. This is one of the most irresponsible and dangerous things you could ever do to someone. Would you be OK with it if she had HIV and knew about it and still did this to you?? She sounds like an INCREDIBLY selfish and immature B.

 

So the rest of my life I'm going to sit and wonder, do I have herpes or not.

 

Why do you have to go the rest of your life not knowing if you have the herpes virus?? You NEED to get STD tested immediately!!!!!

[Cardinal]

Physically you are looking at cold sores if you have/get oral herpes. I have had cold sores all my life. No big deal if you ask me. Most people have or get oral herpes from what I understand.

 

HSV2 needs to be treated with antibiotics usually when you have an outbreak. Depends on what type she has!

 

From what I understand they often don't even test guys and many guys show no symptoms. The biggest risk as I can tell is to the female...the possibility of getting cervical cancer. Probably what I would like least is knowing that I must tell each partner I am with that I had genital herpes and that many women wouldn't want to be with me for that reason.

[jeanniemay]

You don't have to 'wonder' for the rest of your life, you can have a blood test to check if you have herpes.

 

If you do have herpes, even if you don't experience outbreaks, antibodies will show up in a blood test. If your test shows negative now, you should probably have another one in a few months as sometimes the antibodies take some time to show up in a test.

 

Re the relationship - if you plan to continue to see her and have sex with her, make sure you practice 'safer sex'. Use condoms, refarin from sex when she has an outbreak, and ask if she is taking antivirals to reduce the chances of spreading the virus.

[jeanniemay]

HSV2 needs to be treated with antibiotics usually when you have an outbreak.

 

Herpes is treated with Antiviral medications.

 

From what I understand they often don't even test guys and many guys show no symptoms. The biggest risk as I can tell is to the female...the possibility of getting cervical cancer. Probably what I would like least is knowing that I must tell each partner I am with that I had genital herpes and that many women wouldn't want to be with me for that reason.

 

Herpes is not a part of regular STI tests - you need to ask to be specifically tested for herpes.

 

Many people do not experience symptoms, or do not recognise their symptoms as herpes.

 

HPV (Gential Warts) is linked to Cervical Cancer, not HSV (herpes).

[Spugly Fuglet]

a good place to look for info is

 

link removed

 

may help

[confused25]

Did she not know that she has herpes?? Or she lied to you intentionally? wow . . . I think I would probably leave the person if I find out that the person has lied to me something as big as this. Good for you for deciding to stick by her side . . . .

[Cooperstown]

First thanks for all the responses. Based on the reading I've done and the clinic or two I called blood tests are only ~30% accurate so it's very possible to have it and just not know. I can remain dormant for a lifetime so really you never know I guess. Confused, yes she lied about it straight up because she didn't want me to leave. Since the initial post we are still seeing each other, however, we have taken a large step back. So far I haven't had an outbreak and outbreaks are more likely to happened under periods of heavy stress and that was pretty much all last week was. So hopefully I come out of this clean, so far so good.