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Part of me is curious and part of me doesn't want to know anything about my girlfriend's past. However, pieces of information have been coming up from time to time.

 

It has become apparent that she is friends with every past boyfriend that she has had. The other day at 2am her phone beeped- she received a text message from an ex who said how much he wished that they could get back together. It seems this guy texts her every four or five days with similar messages. I asked her why she still continues to speak to this guy- she said that he is a friend and that she feels sorry for him. Then she told me not to worry because she loves me deeply (which was a nice thing to say).

 

...The other day I waited in the car as she ran into the local bank. I was double parked and had to pull the car up. As I moved forward I could see through the bank window that she was talking to some guy. It was another past boyfriend. She saw me through the window and waved and smiled. Then, after she finished with her deposit, she waited for the guy and talked to him for about 5 minutes while I was waiting. She looked over once and waved at me again. When she got in the car I didn't say anything and neither did she. After driving for about five minutes I finally asked her who she was talking to. She said another ex boyfriend. (I was a bit taken back that she didn't offer the info since I obviously saw her)

 

..recently she asked me if her talking to ex boyfriends was going to be a problem for us. I told her that if she really feels the need to stay in contact with all these ex's that maybe she shouldn't be in a relationship now with me.

 

I guess I'm having insecurity issues. I didn't realize how promiscuous she was in the past. Part of me wonders if she is capable of being in a committed relationship. I don't like feeling this way. Should I let this stuff go?

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Okay, first of all, I talk to all of my exes. All of them that I've had since being an adult, anyway... Sandbox romances don't count, right? Even if we did share our toys? Now, of those exes that I still talk to, MOST would like another chance to date. And of those guys, zero have had the chance. So that in and of itself isn't a big deal.

 

What was rude was her chatting with her now friend while you waited for a LONG TIME. But that would have been rude if it had've been a girl, or some guy she didn't date too.

 

If I ever run into exes with a guy I'm currently dating, I'm usually all to proud to introduce my current guy and would hope that I never made him feel insecure even for a second. Also, if/when I talk to or see my exes (one in particular is a very good friend) I am 100% open and honest with my boyfriend and he's ALWAYS a priority. As long as she's meeting these criteria you're probably okay.

 

Worry only if she seems to be prioritizing these exes over you, IMO.

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Everybody has a past, I don't think you can necessarily say she was promiscuous (unless there is more info you are not sharing) you mentioned 2 exs - that doesn't indicate an excessive "getting around"

 

There are two trains of thought regarding continued contact with exs. One would be that she is a decent person, shared her life with someone and while they are broken up now, she still sees the value of the friendship element. That speaks to a clean and honest breakup. I would be more wary of women who continueally "diss" their exs or an ex who wants absolutely nothing to do with her.

 

There are limitations to continueing friendships with exs though. Care must be taken to not upset the balance of the current relationship. Xmas cards/b-day cards and the occasional phone call or coffee get together is fine with me and even healthy I think. Lots of texts/phone calls and seeing them every weekend and going dancing together is not.

 

I would find the one ex begging to get back together to be disturbing too though. He needs to wake up and smell the cofffee so to speak.

 

How long have you been together?

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Part of me is curious and part of me doesn't want to know anything about my girlfriend's past.

 

If you have a jealous streak then I would be careful what to ask. Sometimes not knowing alot is a best thing. Don't ask what you might not want to know!

Besides that, you should be focusing on the present and potential future - the past is the past.

 

I've had situations where girlfriends have been obsessed with who I was with before I met them. I found it kind of weird actually. I'm not really into discussing these things. The past is the past.

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just remind yourself that you're the one she's with now and feel sorry for all those ex's who pathetically are trying to turn the hands of time back and be with her.

 

Don't be the jealous guy- it's a waste of time and will just make you look petty. I do agree though that she kept you waiting a bit longer than necessary with the bank incident- that COULD have been a test to see if you're a jealous guy.

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wow man...you have a great and I mean GREAT girlfriend.

 

she isn't trying to hide anything from you, and she openly came to you to discuss the problem because she recognized that you were having dificulties with it.

 

you have no clue how rare that is!!!

 

just because she has had a couple boyfriends doesn't mean she is "promiscuous"...I mean...you've had a couple girlfriends right? now it would be different if every other guy on the street stopped to talk to her, or if she was getting 3-4 calls a day from different exes...but from what you've told us here you are concernd about 2 dudes? seriously?

 

look, if your uncomfortable with the fact that your girlfriend has been intimately involved with other guys then I really don't know what to tell you.

 

If you actually want to know the facts about her past then you can ask her, she sounds like she is comfortable with talking about her ex's. but she is with you now, not them. if she still wanted them then she wouldn't be with you. She is probably comfortable with telling you some of the details of her past relationships, but I wouldn't press for details about her sexual history unless you really have to know, simply because it's rude, those are intimate details of her past that didn't involve you....

 

Personally I would be careful what you wish for....

 

its one thing to think that your girlfriend gives the best blowjobs....its another to think about how she learned how to....better to just enjoy what you have, and not mess it up with your own insecurities

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Everybody has a past, I don't think you can necessarily say she was promiscuous (unless there is more info you are not sharing) you mentioned 2 exs - that doesn't indicate an excessive "getting around"

 

There are limitations to continueing friendships with exs though. Care must be taken to not upset the balance of the current relationship. Xmas cards/b-day cards and the occasional phone call or coffee get together is fine with me and even healthy I think. Lots of texts/phone calls and seeing them every weekend and going dancing together is not.

 

I would find the one ex begging to get back together to be disturbing too though. He needs to wake up and smell the cofffee so to speak.

 

How long have you been together?

 

I did omit a lot of information- she's been in about 8 committed relationships before me (I didn't want to bore everyone with details ) We have been "committed" for about two months, although I've know her for about six months.

 

I agree about the one ex who constantly texts her. He lent her a computer to use (which I am looking at accross the room). She has his name on her "to do" list- making him a CD of some info.

 

The fact is that I really love her; she tells me at least 10 times a day how much she loves me. Maybe I should drop my guard about this one specific ex. (although I really don't like the guy).

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I would ask her to tell the guy who texts her all the time to quit it and let him know without any uncertainty that there is absolutely no chance they will get back together. I think if he can text her without dumping these feelings on her it would be ok for her to continue the friendship, but she shouldn't allow these types of texts to continue because they make you feel uncomfortable.

 

Part of me wonders if she is capable of being in a committed relationship.

 

... from her track record, yes, and 8 times over! Why are you worried about her running around if she's already been a faithful girlfriend to others? And before you start thinking of that, remember that exes are exes for a reason.

 

And 8 committed relationships is promiscuous? Really listen to what you're saying! She isn't sneaking around, lying, hiding, or any of the other things you'll run into if you read the infidelity board.

 

Relax. It sounds like she's a great girl.

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I disagree w/Treefrog- I'd let her make up her own mind as to who she wants to keep be in touch with. If you tell her to get rid of someone she regards as a friend, you're going to come off as bossy. (Imagine her telling her friends "And he told me I have to tell Text Guy to stop being in contact with me.") Maybe she likes the little ego boost of having someone repeatedly say how much he wants to be with her- but that doesn't mean she has any reciprocal interest.

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You need to settle down and realize that she's with you now. She broke up with the other guys for a reason. If she wants to remain friends with them, so be it. From reading what you said it seems like she knows how to balance friendships and relationships. I don't think you have much to worry about.

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I disagree w/Treefrog- I'd let her make up her own mind as to who she wants to keep be in touch with. If you tell her to get rid of someone she regards as a friend, you're going to come off as bossy. (Imagine her telling her friends "And he told me I have to tell Text Guy to stop being in contact with me.") Maybe she likes the little ego boost of having someone repeatedly say how much he wants to be with her- but that doesn't mean she has any reciprocal interest.

 

 

I agree and disagree with you here.

 

totally agree with you up until the ego boost part....for one, I don't think that she gets an ego boost from it, don't think thats what its all about...and number two, I really don't think its ok that another guy tells a girl in a relationship that he wants her constantly, its just not right.

 

Best thing I can say is to openly talk to her. and if your having one specific problem like the one guy with the text messages, then be honest and say that it really bothers you and makes you uncomfortable. Don't be angry with her because some dude gets drunk on a weekly basis and texts her...its really not her fault.

 

tell her that this is really the main thing that you don't like, and let her know that your not trying to tell her that she cant be friends with the guy, but you would much rather prefer it if he didn't do that, tell her that you would really appriciate it if she could talk to him about it. let her know that you aren't mad, and its not that you don't trust her, its that you don't think its appropriate on his behalf.

 

if you really don't like the one guy, I understand, we've all been there, but you need to say to consider everything... you have the girl, the girl wants you, he is a temporary annoyance...don't let a temporary annoyance ruin something wonderful

 

her making a CD or something for him isn't a jesture of her still having feelings, its her being a nice person, don't let that worry you.

 

Like I said earlier, you really have a great girl here. she isn't trying to cover up anything about her past, which is rare.

 

oh...and 8 people is nothing man...seriously...I dunno how old you are but it sounds like your college age and I really wouldn't let this bother you...its her PAST, your the present...her past is what brought her to you...if she haddn't of realized that she didn't want to be with them she would have never found you.

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...The other day I waited in the car as she ran into the local bank. I was double parked and had to pull the car up. As I moved forward I could see through the bank window that she was talking to some guy. It was another past boyfriend. She saw me through the window and waved and smiled. Then, after she finished with her deposit, she waited for the guy and talked to him for about 5 minutes while I was waiting. She looked over once and waved at me again.

 

i find this a bit rude watch out. she likes the fact they "hang on" and want her attention

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who doesn't like to get a little attention?

 

dude look....from the sound of things I think that your girl is just really friendly. I think that she has been able to break up with the guys in her past in a way that allowed them to remain friendly with eachother, and theres nothing wrong with that....frankly its a good thing....would you rather her ex's all hate her and constantly warn you about how horrible she is?

 

here is a radical idea...how about YOU start giving HER more attention than your giving to her ex's...and step two...give her more attention than any of her ex's give her....follow these two simple steps and this will help prevent you from becoming the next ex.

 

send her text messages about how much you want her...let her know that she is your top priority...

 

if she is the type of girl that likes a bunch of attention(which by the way I don't think she sounds that way to me)...then you need to be the one that gives it to her...

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who doesn't like to get a little attention?

 

dude look....from the sound of things I think that your girl is just really friendly.

 

here is a radical idea...how about YOU start giving HER more attention than your giving to her ex's...and step two...give her more attention than any of her ex's give her....follow these two simple steps and this will help prevent you from becoming the next ex.

 

send her text messages about how much you want her...let her know that she is your top priority...

 

 

 

Hmm, maybe you are right. Instead of worrying about her past relationships and guys who contact her, I should enjoy her company and live in the present . Thanks.

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tell her that this is really the main thing that you don't like, and let her know that your not trying to tell her that she cant be friends with the guy, but you would much rather prefer it if he didn't do that, tell her that you would really appriciate it if she could talk to him about it. let her know that you aren't mad, and its not that you don't trust her, its that you don't think its appropriate on his behalf.

 

This is exactly what I was trying to say.

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