Second Opionion needed

[onlineguy]

Hi there.

 

I need a second opionion. I went out with friends for lunch to a place I quite often go to. I like the waitress there and we always speak, with plenty of eye contact and fun banter.

 

So as I was leaving I asked her if she would like to go for a drink, she hesitated a little but said yes, so I asked for her number. She gave me this.

 

I then l8r that day sent her a text saying this is my number so that when I call she will know who it is (Being thoughtfull).

 

The next day I called her, no reply, phone went to answer machine. (This could of been for a number of reasons). So I sent a text saying that I called to see if she was free on Tuesday. But I received no reply.

 

So Where Now: If she did not find me attractive, why say yes to a drink and yes to giving me her number ? Only to ignore me when I try to contact her. I find this very rude and this shows a lack of value for me.

 

Now my dilema: I will be back in the same bar for lunch at the weekend, How should i respond to her. She knows I like her, but has demonstrated she does not like me.

 

I still like her, but If I persue her then it will achieve nothing and its me condoning her ignorance.

 

Or do I simply ackoledge her but act like I am not bothered. In which case i lose out.

 

What I want to achieve is for her to want me, but without me being a lap dog or accepting such behaviour !

 

Any suggestions.

[honeyspur]

I have been on both sides of this coin.

 

I'll admit to giving my number to a guy just to be polite. And having a guy do it to me.

 

On one hand, you can feel good that this waitress has manners, recognizes you are a decent guy - but don't hold out for this one. Certainly be polite to her, remain open when you see her - but you did your part.

If she needs time to see you a couple more times until she's ready - then that may be a possibility.

But don't push and don't blurt something out like, "So...thought I was going to hear from you - what happened?"

That is something I would say if she's flaked on you a couple more times.

I always go by the "3 strikes" rule - even if it's just to confront the person.

 

Good luck.

[Batya33]

You put her on the spot at her place of business and she may have felt if she didn't comply you might have made some comment or something her boss would have overheard. I have given out my number when put on the spot. She probably figures that you'll understand by her silence that she is not interested. Would you prefer a woman to pick up the phone and say "thanks for calling but I'm not interested?" I've done that - and did not feel the man felt I was any more appropriate - he just felt "rejected," that was his focus same as if I had not picked up the phone.

[onlineguy]

You put her on the spot at her place of business and she may have felt if she didn't comply you might have made some comment or something her boss would have overheard. I have given out my number when put on the spot. She probably figures that you'll understand by her silence that she is not interested. Would you prefer a woman to pick up the phone and say "thanks for calling but I'm not interested?" I've done that - and did not feel the man felt I was any more appropriate - he just felt "rejected," that was his focus same as if I had not picked up the phone.

 

Thank you both for your comments. I guess I would of preferred her to have just said no, but who am I kidding. I just dont like the fact that I liked her, seemed to get back the signs that she liked me but I was wrong.

 

How does someone deal with likeing someone who does not like them and retaining your sense of value ! Nobody likes to show someone that they are of value only to find that the other person does not consider them of value !

Rejection.

 

Trouble is, is it better to try to get them to like you first and then ask out, but you run the same risk, or the risk of being to emotionaly attached, or even the friends zone !

 

Dating is so much easier for women ! You just stand and look pretty, we have to make a huge effort only to be humiliated by rejection.

[Dating Coach]

She knows you asked her out for a drink, she knows because of that you thought she was attractive and you're interested. She doesn't know how much you like her. She didn't respond thereforeeee she's not interested in return. If you just play it cool and blow it off then alls fine. It looks like a casual idea you had, as long as you move on and act normal. It's not like you got on your knees and begged for a date.

[Batya33]

If you take it that personally I wouldn't date for now. Women get rejected all the time - we flirt, act warm and approachable and don't get asked out. I have asked out men and been rejected. It doesn't significantly impact my sense of value or self worth - I forget about it quickly and move on - because I am worth more than investing all that emotion in someone I don't know that well.