alonegirl Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 2 years ago today a bomb came in and blew up what I knew as my life. My ex boyfriend and I broke up. We were together for 4 years, he was the man I thought I was going to spend my life with and now he was gone, my life as I knew it was gone. I had to move back into my mother's, everything I was accomsted to was gone, my house, my dog, my friends, (most of my friends were his friends) and my best friend in the whole world him. He was the person that knew me better then anyone, he was the person that was there whenever I needed anything, when I was having a bad day he was the one to make me smile. There were days I didn't get out of bed and then there were days when I did get out of bed go to work come home and go right back to bed. I lost 20 pounds (and I'm little to begin with) I didn't want to be around my nieces, my family nobody.I cried everywhere I went, I couldn't even go grocery shopping with out loosing it because it would make me think of him and how we would usally do together. During all this I found out there was another girl in the picture and had been for the last month of our relationship. It absolutely killed me, who was this person that I thought I knew, where I was when all this was going on that I didn't see it, I felt stupid for not seeing it, I hated him for it but at the same time I was so hurt I didn't know how to hate him. I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and come out when all the pain was over. I began to realize that was impossible and not going to happen and that if I didn't deal with this as hard as it may be it wasn't just going to go away. It was the lowest point of my life to date and I didn't know how I was going to survive it. I came on this board all the time and posted, as time went on I got embarrassed that i was still sad so I would post and then be to ashamed to come back and see what people wrote because I was afraid people were going to tell me to just get over it. Here I am two years later and for the most part I realize that this happening was probably the best thing. And no it's not because I'm in love and in a great relationship with someone else, I've only dated one person really for a couple of months and I realized that I was just rebounding and got out of it. I have spent the past two years meeting myself again, and taking care of myself. I went back to college after a 5 year break and now will have my degree in July, I got my own place and for the first time in my life I am living all on my own. I am not going to act like I don't have my moments when I don't miss him, or us because I do there are times I just miss being with someone and then there are times that I actually miss him and miss things about our relatiionship. But he is not that person that I knew and I am not that person anymore either. I realize that our relationship is in the past and that everything really does happen for a reason. I've started to realize that my ex wanted to always be the good guy, the super hero that came in and rescued the damsel in distress. When we met my previous relationship was an abusive one, that relationship changed me as a person and not for the good. My ex came in and opened my heart again, and brought me back to a happy place and for that my family was so grateful. But I think after 4 years where I was becoming more and more independent he didn't have to rescue me anymore so he moved on to someone he could. I have my moments when I get upset because I think two years later and he's about to get married and I haven't even really dated anybody, but then I realize I'm not going to settle just to be with someone. I relaize that yes I am being picky but you know what I deserve to be picky, I'm not going to be with someone just to say that I'm with someone. I think about the future and how he's jumping into marriage and i'm taking my time just to date anyone and where that will lead us 10 years from now. I know I shouldn't care but a part of me does. The hardsest thing I think to deal with is that as much as this whole thing affected me he went on with his life as if nothing had happened. He was living the exact same life just with someone new, and it just didn't seem fair to me but then I realized it's not about being fair...it happened there's nothing I can do to change it, I have to go on with my life. You can't control how someone feels about you, nothing you do and nothing you say will ever change that. I think back over these last two years and sometimes I give myself a little pat on the back, I'm very proud of the person I am today and while it was the most painful time of my life I needed to go through it, I needed to discover who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. I just wanted to post this and let people know who are just now starting this process it really does get better, a couple of things that helped me out. Do not set time limits for yourself, don't say it's been 2 months I should be over this, take everything one day at a time, at the beginning I took everything one minute at a time, then slowly one hour at a time, then I was finally to one day at a time. Set small daily goals for yourself, for the first month or so going to work everyday was my goal, just getting out of bed was my goal. I think one of the most important things to do is to really have no contact with them, it really does help the more you talk to them or see them or go on their myspace page it does nothing but push you back. Just know that everything really does happen for a reason, don't look for the reason, just know that everything that is happening is happening for a purpose. Link to comment
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