I can't stop crying

[emma34]

I want to call him so bad...I just feel like if he saw how hurt I am, he would realize how much I loved him, and how sorry I am that I was cold to him for the last month or so. I feel like it was all my fault - like if I only would have stopped stressing about my life and started being more considerate to him, he wouldn't have ended it up with. i can't stop crying...i'm so devastated. It's been 4 days, but it feels like forever. I'm so sorry...I'd do anything to have him love me for just one more day. I feel soo pathetic, I know...and I know I should just 'be strong' and 'why would i love someone who would let me go?' but i can't help it.

 

 

[bear12]

emma, your feeling are TOTALLY normal. i think many of us felt exactly like that after the break up- and even though it's been three months now, every once in a while i'll get really upset and STILL think like that. but, really, calling him is not the answer. esp. not this soon after the break up. i know how tempting it is, but really it only makes things worse. i know that from experience. i started improving with leaps and bounds once i cut him out of my life even though- right now- i'd like nothing better than to send him a quick email to say hello.. i know if i did i'd feel worse than ever again.

 

this sounds really lame and unhelpful, i know, but the thing that helps me get through the hard times is realizing that the pain i'm feeling is just feelings.. not that emotional pain can't be just as bad- if not worse- than physical pain, but at least this is something that comes and goes.. it won't always be there because as much as it hurts right now at this very moment, the feelings will pass. right now i know it feels like you'll never, ever get over it and it's always going to hurt that much, but it won't. i'm not saying you'll wake up tomorrow and feel even better, but i do think you'll wake up in a month and feel much better than this very moment and wake up in six months and feel even better than that. but that might not happen if you keep talking to him- keep holding on to something that's not really there anymore..

 

i used to think, like, you that if he just heard how upset i was, saw how much he was hurting me, he'd rethink his decision and change his mind, but that's just not true. in the end, you only up feeling embarrassed and, i think, lose a bit of respect in their eyes as well. you don't have to stop loving him right now, you don't have to stop crying or stop eating giant bowls of ice cream (that really helps, i swear!) but you do need to stay strong in the sense of not calling him and i KNOW you value your recovery enough not to otherwise you'd be talking to him right now rather than posting here. you'll already off to a good start!!!

[caro33]

I agree with bear.

 

Emma, cry all you want, cry for another few days if that helps and if you want to. This hurts and it's supposed to. But please don't call him. Nothing good can come of it, it just will make you more separate from him, easier for him to put you in the "oh god I feel guilty I wish she would go away" box, or it might even look worse than that to him. Guilt cannot make him want you - people push guilt away from them, they do not draw it closer. (In any event, as you know, a relationship founded on one person's fear of walking out in case it hurts the other is not a relationship that serves either of them particularly well. I don't think that's what you were saying necessarily, but...)

 

If you have apologies to make, make them in a week perhaps, set a time to call. At least make it some time from now to give yourself some time to get your act together and be clear about what you would say. You need to present a calm and rational exterior. You can show how you're sorry and you want things to be okay, but that doesn't mean overwhelming him with floods of tears. I have found that guys just do not cope well with tears.

 

This really is normal, but things also get better. Hang in there and keep posting here instead of calling him maybe.

[deelove2010]

Emma I feel for you sooo much I know how much it hurts when someone you love leaves you! It's best to NOT contact him for a while this is the most hardest thing you will ever have to do but you will get through this! Don't call, text email nothing CRY and SOB with your friends, son't let him see you upset over him!!! I can tell you from a guy's point of view that a girl crying begging pleading is so unactractive, the most actractive thing you can do is heal yourself and make yourself feel HAPPY without HIM and that's where it gets HARD!!!! You honestly have to TRY your hardest not to contact him in the first 3 to 4 weeks of your break up! This will be for you to gain yourself and get your esteam back up to HIGHEST its EVER been before, go out with your friends have FUN and only give yourself the most least amount of time to think about him! I know you will be thinking of him every second of the day, thinking what his getting up to, has he forgotton about me! and I tell you what he will be THINKING of you I can assure you THAT!!! when guys break up with there girlfriends there is always a thought if they have done the right thing, I have many many guy friends including ME who has thought like this and that was weeks after the break up when the girl we dump goes into strict NC ( no contact ) I mean strict!!! we begin to wonder!!! and I have seen those girls I've dumped out with their friends having a good time and other guys finding them actractive and it really empowering and actractive!!! So this is what you have to do go out and have FUN!!! Pls don't take my advice as stone proof that your MAN will ever come back!!! In the time of NC you will gain your self respect back you will be THE most IMPORTANT thing in your LIFE not YOUR EX!!!! and BELIEVE ME you will feel so different in that time of STRICT nc!!!! You will NOT want him back!!!! and please remember IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT you guys broke UP!!!! He will realise with TIME to come if HE really LOVES you, you will truly KNOW in this period of NC!!!! I hope you all the BEST emma!!! Love Peace and Happiness to you!!!

[supercalifragilistic]

I know just how you feel. I was like that a couple of months ago. Couldn't stop crying, couldn't eat, everything reminded me of him. I just kept wishing I could kiss and hold him and tell him I loved him one last time.

 

But it goes away, I promise. I still love him and still want him back, but it's been quite a while since I've cried about that...Sometimes I feel like crying but I just try and think about something else. Before I couldn't even breath that I thought about him. EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING reminded me of him. Even me. But that's gone now.

 

It will get better with time, I promise. If I did it, you can too. Oh, and if it makes you feel any better, he broke up with me not once, but TWICE!

 

Hang in there. If you ever need to talk, feel free to contact me.

[Tezza]

You will grow tired of crying, to the point where your body just won't let you cry anymore, I have been there...

 

One day you will wake up and realise how much more there is to life without him and that you can't change anything that you did, there was a reason why you treated him that way, its just one of those lessons that you will have learnt in life. You can move forward from this and it will happen, it just takes time...

[Me and myself]

I feel soo pathetic, I know...and I know I should just 'be strong' and 'why would i love someone who would let me go?

 

Emma, it doesn't sound to me you're being pathetic. It sound to me you're just a human being suffering. I'm so sorry for you. Cry all you need, take all the tears out of you, do not repress you feelings inside of you.

I know it's very difficult to accept what I'm going to say but don't let all the guilt be on your side...in a relationship you need the commitment of two persons.. commitment and acceptance of each other's virtues and faults. But first you must accept your behaviour...you must understand why you've done it. I'm shure you didn't wanted to hurt anybody with your actions...so why have you been so cold? Think about it and you'll have a good starting point to start changing into an even better person. What you've done belongs to your "old person". Today you'll start being a new one, better, stronger, brave!

[supercalifragilistic]

I felt the same the first time my ex broke up with me. I did the whole crying can't live without you thing. I can tell you - it doesn't work. He really cared about me and still does, but all my crying did was make him want to get away because he couldn't stand to see me like that. Once I calmed down and got happier I had much more sucess talking to him and he even wanted to get back toghether (even if for just a month). Now we broke up again and there's the possibility he'll come back. Or not. Who knows. But I feel much better than before and you will too. Trust me. I was a real mess (couldn't stop crying, couldn't eat, sleep, everything I saw reminded me of him - even me! I was crazy!) . If I got through that, you can too

[Diggitydave]

emma, you are not pathetic. im a 28 year old man and fyi, i cried every single day for months. left work, went home crawled into a little ball, countless times. i cried so much my eyes were nearly swollen shut and my lungs hurt from the panting. My voice was nearly gone from the screaming and i left my couch cushions soaked with tears. I promise I felt exactly like you did and i also thought i was pathetic for wanting them back and all those thoughts as well.

 

One bit of advice, i would not drink to ease the pain if you are even thinking of this. I tried it once and when i woke up the next day i felt ten times as miserable because i was hungover, depressed, and still my situation had not changed.

 

Anyway once again you ARE NOT pathetic. Every tear you cry has meaning and every ounce of pain you suffer is literally your body healing.

 

When you stub your toe it hurts and the pain you feel is your toes way of saying "take care of me, i hurt". Well now your heart is in pain and saying "take care of me, i hurt". So nurturing your heart with the company of good friends and family is good. It won't make the pain go away permanently, only time will do that. However, just like your toe, you can take an emotional tylenol in many ways.

 

Best of wishes and for the last time you are NOT pathetic.

 

Dave