what to do....what to do...

[syntonik]

sorry, this could be long...

 

a long, long time ago, i posted on here because my g/f and i were having some issues with trust. since then, it's been a rollercoaster ride, to say the least. there have been may good days, but the bad days are terribly ugly. no physical contact or anything like that, but some mean things said to each other.

 

...and it's all over the same thing: her not trusting anything i do. she is now to the point of getting all over me if i watch any sort of television after a long day of work.

 

i honestly want to end it because i have had enough. i can't even talk to my own family anymore, or even my own niece because she practically hates my niece's mother, and she's never done a single thing to her at all. not one thing.

 

i admit i have made my fair share of lies, but so has she. perhaps not as much as i, but the lies are there. the lies are over piddly crap such as watching some basketball, or talking to someone we don't know.

 

you see, if i so much as even acknowledge another woman, she freaks out. i'm supposed to be an to every woman out there, other than my mom and grandmother, but not to other men. she has even stated to me that she doesn't care if i talk to other men, i'm not to talk to any other woman at all at work...if she finds out, she flips out on me and accuses me of being unfaithful.

 

i don't know what to do anymore. i gave it chance after chance after chance, and each time, i was lured back by promises of change. i don't want promises anymore. i just want to leave. i can't even approach her anymore with messages left on the phone from where i had talked to someone. she asks if it was a woman, and if i tell her the truth and say 'yes'...it's hell to pay for me.

 

but everytime i start the breakup process, a flood of tears comes and i feel awful and guilty about it....and i eventually wear down to where i make a compromise. perhaps that's where i go wrong.

 

this relationship has got me looking over my shoulder every five minutes to see if i'm being watched. i've fallen into a depression where there are days i don't want to go home...but to just drive away with not even a dear john letter.

 

i have to secretly talk to friends i used to go to high school with, just to talk, which is not good because that's sort of like going behind her back. i told her once that i talked to dear friend of mine that i've been friends with for over 25 years, and she acted like she took offense to it!

 

as said, i am at the end of my rope. i fear if i don't do something, the end of my rope is going to be a hangman's noose. i want to end it. i want to get away, but how? everytime i start, the tears of promise weaken me to where i retreat back into the same, tumultuous relationship.

 

...thanks for any info, as well as for reading this novel.

[ncnc]

If you want to get away, like you say, then you obviously do not love her anymore. You say you go back cus she cries, which makes you feel guilty. Well if that is the only reason you are going back then that is unfair to her as well as yourself!!!!

 

This girl obviously loves you that is why she cries+tries to make you stay when you say that you've had enough.

 

All her questioning+lack of trust is because SHE LOVES YOU+does not want to get hurt, she feels like you are going to hurt her, that is why she is constantly checking up on you. She is Insecure, that is why she doesnt like you talking to any other woman.

 

If you actually do love this girl, if you do want it to work, then you both need to sit down+have a serious talk. You need to reassure her that you love her+only her, that you would never hurt her+that you just want both of you to be happy together. You both need to air your concerns+come to a compromise which will make you both happy, try+help each other out.

 

All the above doesnt matter though if you just want to leave.

[ncnc]

I just red your previous posts. Is this the same GF from three years ago??

 

If it is how could of you let it go on this long without going crazy??

 

You need to have one hell of a serious talk+let her know that YOU ARE SERIOUS this time!! You need to tell her that if things go back to normal after one day of her trying that YOU WILL leave!!

 

But defi listen to the advice above also, if you do want to stay+try that is, as she is so Insecure, she really does need extra words of love to help her.

 

I hope it all works out for you!!

[syntonik]

Thanks for replying.

 

It is. We've had serious talks before, and there's been reconciliation. I've told her and proved to her many, many times that she is the one I love. I do love her very much, which is mainly the reason I stuck around to try and get her to see how serious I am when I say no other woman means anything to me. None of them do. I have friends who are girls, but nothing more. These friends are all married with kids, but, most importantly, there is zero connection of any sort between me and these women.

 

It's like her with her old ex-boyfriends she still runs into while shopping in a supermarket, or wherever, or just guy friends she's met while attending classes. I admit I sometimes get a little jealous, but I don't berate her because she says hi to another guy like she does me if someone I used to go to high school with, or a co-worker says hi to me. I deal with it and just move on...hell, I'm even friends with a couple of her ex's.

 

Why it went so long is because I tried in vain to get her to see my reasoning and my emotions. It would work for awhile, but always go right back to where it was: untrusting, insecure, and downright smothering.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, but when will enough be enough? I don't want to leave, but the talks really don't seem to do much other than provide a temporary band-aid solution that eventually wears out.

 

I can try one more time, but I just don't know if I want to re-open the can of worms early. It'll happen again, I know. It always does. Maybe I should just use that a springboard to finally leave.

 

I don't know. Thanks for the advice, though. I do hope things work out for the best.

[ncnc]

What is the Latest then Sweetie??

[syntonik]

What is the Latest then Sweetie??

 

Same story. I really do appreciate you taking time out to simply listen to me vent when things get so frustrating for me.

 

I can't even talk to her anymore. I just read another post that covers the same exact thing I'm going through, so I feel for the guy. It seems I can't go and do anything I used to enjoy anymore because of her insecurity and insane jealousy. I've done nothing to make her think that I would ever be unfaithful. She's read my emails and plainly sees everything as work-related, though she quickly points out that the "thanks" are totally uncalled for. [which is pretty lame, if you ask me]

 

I mean, we go everywhere together. We spend almost every waking hour together...and yet, it seems like even that isn't enough.

 

I'm slowly going insane, here. I know what I want to do, as I'm sick of feeling like I am to blame every single day...for doing nothing.

 

I'm sick of being accused all the time of "flirting" when I'm behind my computer a huge part of the workday with headphones on.

 

...but how do I end it. I can't complete it no matter what, it seems. I get close, but a barrage of promises and tears keeps me from moving on with my life. I hate it, because every promise ever made to me has been broken, but I cannot stand to see people cry because of me...even though I am innocent, it kills me to know I caused the tears, be they real or fake.

 

Sorry...venting again. I'm just glad someone wants to listen.

[ncnc]

There is nothing anyone can say here! You know what you have to do if you dont want to continue in this unhappy+unhealthy relationship!!

 

This has been going on for YEARS-YEARS!!!!!!!! You have let her know a number of times that you are not happy, you have given her chance after chance, everytime she has let you down, every promise she has made to you she has broken!!!!!!!

 

SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE!!!!!

 

Have you suggest councilling?? Why is she so insecure???

[needopinions]

simple answer: you NEED to get out.

 

the three things you need to do before you have the break up talk...

 

BE AWARE, BE READY AND BE STRONG.

 

you KNOW she's gonna turn on the waterworks and you're going to weaken...be ready for it mentally and DO NOT let yourself give in...you do not owe her anything, INCLUDING 157 chances...who you owe now? is YOURSELF and your HAPPINESS.

 

you've been mr. nice guy long enough....time to take care of yourself for a change.