The answers to your breakup

[1forthegipper]

More insight on a breakup....

 

Accepting,letting go,healing yourself!!!!

 

We all go through breakups. They can be rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. Breakups are handled differently by different people. These steps may not be perfect for everyone, but they can help!

 

 

Steps

1.Realize what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this is not all your fault. It takes two people to make a relationship start, and one discordant person is enough to have it break up.

 

2.Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt and feel alone and feel like you have messed up. But you have to know that you are a good person and this is not all one-sided.

 

3.Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no IMing, and most importantly, no sex- not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).

 

4.Think through everything in your head. Maybe even try to ask yourself what went wrong. But you also have to think of why you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason but it wasn't a good one, then this person isn't worth your time.

 

5.Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the "split" was. You may even feel like you hate yourself, but get out of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart for no reason.

 

6.Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too and that you don't need this sort of pain.

 

7.Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" what you're supposed to be learning from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.

 

8.Clean up! A breakup usually signifies a new beginning. thereforeeee, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming, and will just add to your stress level.

 

9.Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, try to think of how happy that memory used to make you, and leave it at that.

 

10.Don't overreact. You may be feeling lonely, and want to be with someone, but don't go back to your ex unless you really believe you should be together. Likewise, don't jump into another relationship as a rebound, just to make yourself feel better. It's not fair to the other person, and will eventually lead to another breakup.

 

11.Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there's more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well.

 

12.Stay active. It's scientifically confirmed that exercise improves your mood, and the distraction will help keep your mind off the situation. Go running outside, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.

 

13Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and having hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, all good things must come to an end. And when they do, that's when you see all the flaws in your relationship and that it's best that you aren't together.

 

Tips

 

•You have to walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you could give. If you feel all this and that you did your part, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you'll be just fine.

 

•Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now and if you should visit. Don't try to talk to him or her about the break up. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.

 

•Listen to a song that makes you feel empowered and happy. Do it as often as you need to.

 

•If you want to save things from the relationship (letters, ticket stubs, that cute pink teddy bear), put it in a box. Put all of your other ex's things in the box, too. Look through the box every once in awhile; you'll see that yes, he or she was important, but you were you before that person came along, and you will be you now.

 

•Remember that your ex is trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that.

 

•As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do -- something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process and involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!

 

•Remember those old catch phrases: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and likewise. When you go through a break up or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding true happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include marriage or romantic relationships... and that is O.K., no matter what you do in life.

 

•As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Know what you want and commit to it.

 

•If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself if you really want that person back? Will you ever trust them not to break your heart again?

 

•Keep your dignity, many a time it's our ego that causes the pain, we feel rejected and deceived. So what better way to survive this than to not give yourself any more reason to feel ashamed, but instead feel pride in yourself.

 

Warnings

 

•Don't look for distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache. You're *supposed* to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Ride it out--turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. You will feel better.

 

•If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask them questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.

 

•Be wary of people who are willing to let you prove how sexually proficient you are. They will have as many feelings for you as wolves do for rabbits. All you’ll be to them is a handy way to satisfy an appetite.

 

•If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel.

 

•Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life without them -- don't exert the energy. Allow Karma to take care of everything on its own.

 

Sometimes getting back together with your ex is a comfortable emotional relief for the short term, however, in the long-run you may very well be walking back into a bond you were liberated from without realizing it. Be wise about this, it is a big decision if and when reconciliation happens....

 

Tha Gipp

[bar35]

Thanks Gipp. Your posts over the past couple of days have been awesome. You sound like a solid guy.

[melrich]

Great post Gipper.

[HDD]

Wise words speak you!

[MasterT]

We should call this "Gipper's Breakup Guide." Very beneficial post.

[macgyver4ever]

Great post my man. Great for people who want to move on, and get on with their lives.

 

It helps to know what not to do!!!

[gokings]

hey man ! you made me feel better , the best heal i ever felt was from your words ..thank you man !

[dreamguy]

Wise words my friend !

[Dr.Amore]

Great post i actually smiled i wont lie. The thing with me is i live by one of these phrases you said "all good things must come to an end. And when they do, that's when you see all the flaws in your relationship and that it's best that you aren't together."

 

These days relationships dont last forever, love, looks, butterflys, all that stuff fades away, people get bored and annoyed with one another. It is scary though when you look at how many realationships we go threw in our lives. Also those people who try over and over again looking for that "SOUL MATE" and feeling used and hopeless.

 

Im in no way trying to say that that special person ain't out there. I'm saying our generation is so fast paced and the endless amount of temptation out there. But i guess each relationship is different its like a ride and a rush. I look at it kinda like a new car. When you first get in and smell that new car scent, admiring the sexy curves of the body line, riding the car and feeling the power. Then you have to pay, feed her gas and oil, take her to the car wash, buy her new tires and brakes. After time you get bored of it, you want more power, the ride isn't as enjoying, and you spent so much money and don't enjoy it so you let it go for another.

 

Well i took this one a little to far but you get my point. All in all life is a crazy journey and sometimes i wonder why have a heart if a heart can be broken. Love is a very special thing and i hope one day i find it. To you all dumpers and dumpies i pray for you all.

[houdini]

Dr. Amore,

 

I like your analogy because it makes so much sense in today's relationships. Thats why I can't understand how someone can just walk out of a relationship that the both of you have invested years,months and days in. Especially if there are kids involved, I think it's very important to give it all you've got to make it work and not feel that a new love is the answer to all happiness. I love my ex very much and our son and her kids and I just for the life of me can't figure out why these people give up so easily and not realize that relationships take work. Are these people really that self-centered and selfish to not take into consideration the lives and hearts involved in a breakup?

 

Houdini

[ExarionUniverse19]

Great post, Gipp! You've been on an awesome post rampage!

[p_fred]

Thanks Gipp!

 

I wonder if society today stresses "love" too much in relationships - if someone gets a little undecided or questions things suddenly they think the "love" is gone and they want to break up. Just a thought.

[1forthegipper]

p fred,

 

Society today has indeed programmed many people to think that it's easier to leave a relationship when things get tough. To many people interpret "Comfort","Boredom","Routine" normal relationship problems as falling out of love. The biggest mistake people make today is the "Grass is greener on the other side" mentality. That is why the diovrce rate is so high in the U.S. today, people have no sense of "commitment" and "relationship work". They feel it's easier to walk out and pick up another, thinking the new guy or girl is "THE ONE". It's sad to say but these people are what I call "Serail Lovers" stalking and destroying innocent lives and hearts because they don't know the meaning of "Love","Relationships" and "Dedication". That is why I feel love is like a poker game, you don't know what the other persons hand is so you can't be to sure and put in all your chips, they may just be bluffing!!!!

 

I know everyone would like a simple answer as to "WHY", why do our ex's do the things they do!!!! Why do they leave us after professing never ending love to us then flip a switch and run off with the circus!!!! Truth is, people change and people make mistakes. The people that do these things are people that will probably never find true happiness because they're looking for that happiness with someone that will run 24hrs a day 7 days a week. Problem with that mentality is there is no such thing as forever happiness no matter how you cut it. Everyone has problems, every relationship WILL have problems and we as people need to understand this fact. We all need to understand, no matter who you are with you WILL have problems.

 

There are people that will say "I left him/her and now I found mr/mrs. right and I couldnt be happier" Thats all fine and dandy but the real story behind that is "I found mr/mrs right BUT!!! I still have problems" It's easy to find love but harder to keep it... Remember that folks... Just because things get hard doesn't mean you fell out of love, lost love,aren't compatible,wasn't meant to be,etc etc etc.. It's definitely NOT going to be easier replacing the love you got with a fresh new face..it will be a fresh new face with with fresh new problems.

 

 

Tha Gipp

[Jess...]

"WHY"...Why do they leave us after professing never ending love to us then flip a switch and run off with the circus!!!!

 

Oh, if I had a dollar for every time i've asked myself that....$$$$$$$ ka-ching!!

[macgyver4ever]

This is one of your most insightful posts Mr. Gipper.

 

I've been doing a lot of reading as you know, and am finding more and more that this is true. My ex was blessed to have the "butterflies" feeling for years in our relationship. The second she messes up, and makes a mess of things, instead of fixing it, she runs away. That is no way for an adult to handle a problem. Do you run away when you start a grease fire, or spill milk all over the floor. No, you clean it up and fix the damage you have caused.

 

I would be happy if I knew that the guy my ex was seeing was her soul mate. But I have seen nothing good come of her life, or who she has turned into since she met him. She has abandoned everything that meant something to her and is about to lose her job. This is not the girl I loved, and is not someone I will love. It's not hard to figure out what is good for you when you just gain some perspective. Sometimes what is best, isn't always the most fun at first, but in the long run, it will be.

 

Thanks Again Gipp.

[MasterT]

Absolutely correct.