How do you de-stress?

[chickidee23]

My job is a fairly good one- I get paid well, I have made a really great friend out of it and I like my hours. There is only one problem:

 

I have a boss from hell.

 

He's arrogant, he's rude, he's immature, he's moody, he's self-absorbed and he lacks in responsibility. Whenever something goes wrong, he blames it on someone else. He's yelled at me IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS and he's made me promises of a raise but has yet to go through with it. He lies, he's deceitful and he's manipulative. He complains about his employees to other employees and to customers. Upper management has been complained to many times and we've even had meetings with them to try and resolve things with no avail.

 

Quitting my job is not an option- I can't take a pay cut and most places aren't going to be willing to match my current salary, so I have to live with it. It's fine for now except that when I have a bad day at work, it's hard to let the mood it puts me in stay at work. I go home cranky, I ***** at my hubby (usually for no reason) and then when he reacts negatively (which he really has a right to) I get even more angry but it's all directed at him.

 

Does anyone have this problem? Does anyone have any good solutions? I'm completely open to ideas

[Scout]

Quitting my job is not an option- I can't take a pay cut and most places aren't going to be willing to match my current salary, so I have to live with it.

 

Hi, I've followed some of your other recent threads, and I have to say...quitting your job sounds like the only option, unless you can learn to magically stop caring that you have a horrible boss and work unreal hours.

 

If you are over-extended with bills, start cutting back on things you don't really need, like premium cable bills. Trade in an expensive car payment for a used car. Just some examples, but whatever is causing you to have to trade in your peace of mind for a higher salary probably isn't really worth the grief. Unfortunately, too many people stay hijacked in a miserable job simply because of their salaries. But at some point, you have to ask yourself: what price can you put on serenity and happiness?

[Daligal83]

Maybe when you have a bad day, when you get home tell your husband that you've had a really rough day and you need to vent to him for 15 minutes. That way you can get everything off your chest. After that 15 minutes, move on. Do something to distract yourself or something that makes you happy, but don't dwell on it any longer. If there's truly nothing you can do at this point to improve the situation, I see that as the best solution.

 

To distract yourself, you can pick up a hobby like knitting or reading, or even watch your favorite TV show. Maybe go for a run or do some other form of exercise. It'll make you put your anger and frustration into a good workout instead of toward your husband.

[Scout]

Maybe when you have a bad day, when you get home tell your husband that you've had a really rough day and you need to vent to him for 15 minutes.

 

Except that from now on, her husband will have to hear 15 minutes (and likely more) of her venting about her job every single day. Because it sounds like every day is a bad one at this job.

[Bankers24]

Get in your car, scream, and then go home! Helps me on bad days!! Or get some really loud music and just jam!!!

[chickidee23]

Hi, I've followed some of your other recent threads, and I have to say...quitting your job sounds like the only option, unless you can learn to magically stop caring that you have a horrible boss and work unreal hours.

 

If you are over-extended with bills, start cutting back on things you don't really need, like premium cable bills. Trade in an expensive car payment for a used car. Just some examples, but whatever is causing you to have to trade in your peace of mind for a higher salary probably isn't really worth the grief. Unfortunately, too many people stay hijacked in a miserable job simply because of their salaries. But at some point, you have to ask yourself: what price can you put on serenity and happiness?

 

That is a very good question. And I honestly don't know what my answer is. I've thought about quitting and at times, it's all I want to do. My husband would not support me quitting- he thinks I find ways to be miserable at jobs. That isn't true, I just want to be respected at a job. There are other things- I need the benefits. I have medication I have to take otherwise I could find myself in a life threatening situation and it's expensive medication.

 

I know I can't magically stop caring- I've tried- but maybe there is a way to deal with it so it doesn't bother me as much??

[chickidee23]

Get in your car, scream, and then go home! Helps me on bad days!! Or get some really loud music and just jam!!!

 

I've never tried screaming, lol, but that's an idea for sure! I do jam to loud music and I also usually have a cig- but I am quitting (not trying, I AM QUTTING ) so that doesn't work anymore!

[robowarrior]

I have had this problem on a daily basis. What you need to do is to stand on your stripes, you see a person can yell at you only if you allow them to. If he yells at you, tell him to get the hell away from you, and tell him to come back when he knows how to deal with people in a proper manner. Just because someone has a higher position isn't an allowance for them to treat you like trash.

 

What you really need to do is to take as much distance as you can from them, don't talk if you don't have, and don't try to set him off by saying things he doesn't want to hear.

 

My advice.

 

Minimum contact : Maximum distance.

[Scout]

Read this article, link removed You might want to share it with your husband, too. It sounds like you're both really riding the hamster wheel pretty hard. Maybe it's time to scale back and simplify. At least to put yourself in a position where eventually you can find a job where you work at less pay, but with a heck of a lot less stress.

[Daligal83]

Have you tried looking for other jobs? You can post your resume and job hunt while you're still working, then give your two weeks when something comes up. Scout has a good point that a pay cut may be worth your happiness. There are usually things you can cut down on, and then get them back again when your pay increases.

 

Until that point though, I still think the 15 minute idea is a good one. For the time being, it would help the OP de-stress and not take her anger out on her husband, because that is not good for her marriage. Just make sure to keep it to 15 minutes. No going over.

[chickidee23]

Jobs are hard to come by where I live. It's a small town and people don't use websites where resumes are posted. There's more people than there are jobs (that's everywhere, though, right?) and when something comes up in the paper, it's usually taken by the end of the day (paper only comes once a week) plus lots of people don't even advertise. Lots of people search by word-of-mouth and reccommendations. If I start telling people I want a new job, the gossip will get back to my boss and it could be bad.

 

I understand where you are coming from, Scout, and I agree with you. Things just work a bit differently in the town I live in. Thanks for the article, by the way. It makes sense and is definitely something to think about.

[b2761]

ah- a small town job market. now I see. hmm. just keep looking, I guess. A jerk boss rarely changes his stripes.

[chickidee23]

Yes I am learning that quickly! I will keep my eyes and ears open and my fingers crossed... I could use a little luck!

[Scout]

A job is supposed to help you put food on the table and give you some sense of fulfillment. Not hold you hostage, like this one (and your boss) seems to.

[chickidee23]

Yeah I agree. I want nothing more than to go back to school so I can do what I want but that's another expense and one we can't afford at the moment. I know what I want to do, I just don't qualify for it yet. This is definitely not a forever-job. It's a for-right-now job. I've thought about doing online-schooling. Does anyone have any experience with online-schooling? I am skeptical...