Is what you feel ever wrong?

[nilli]

As the title says - Is what you feel ever wrong?

 

I would be interested on hearing peoples views because I am somewhat confused about this matter.

 

I am sooooo concerned about not wanting to adopt a victim mentality that I've started to think I *can't* complain about anything or feel sorry for myself even though I do sometimes.

 

If I feel upset about something, I always try and rationalize it away. I believe that people always do their best with whatever resources they have at the time so I find it difficult to just be angry with someone because I think 'well, maybe I take things to personally, or maybe he/she is having a bad day, or no one owes me anything..or whatever' so I feel bad for feeling angry/depressed about some things.

 

I'm having difficulty expressing this exactly but can anyone relate?

[Shadows Light]

Analysis Paralysis.... thats what you are suffering from.

 

Its ok to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are "just having a bad day".... however at some point you have to quit being a Door Matt and having them wipe their feet on you. Let them know they've over stepped your boundaries and NOW their bad hair day is messing up your day. right??????

 

Everyone has a "GREAT" reason for thier behavior... however, they are responsible for their behavior. Where they overstep their bounds is when it crosses the line to you.

 

Have I ever been wrong???? Heck yeah.... I'm wrong all the time. I've had crappy days where I am grumpy as hell and I take it out on the wrong person. And then I have to tuck my tail between my legs, hang my head low and appologize... make it up to the person even. Discovering or admitting to be wrong is a good thing. no one is perfect. We're all human.

 

But ya gotta quit making excuses for people... or you'll attract that negative energy that crosses all your boundaries and makes you feel like an old gym shirt.

[blender]

Well it's okay to feel all your feelings, and to acknowledge them to yourself, and to work through them, be it sadness, disappointment, self forgiveness, or forgiving another.

 

I think what you are saying is that you don't actually feel "worthy" of being sensitive.. well that's just a bad emotional habit, one that you can break, and if you are having a bad day, and someone asks how you're doing..be truthful, say; "I'm kinda feeling sorry for myself today, although I don't want to, but for today I just am". It's okay to have "sad days" and "days of feeling overwhelmed" or just plain "heartbroken"... and EVERYONE can relate, it's all part of the process of life, to love, to lose, to learn, to choose to grow, to be kind, have empathy, and to take care of yourself and be kind and forgiving of your own issues, and take time to re-discover that YOU are worthy of all your feelings, and then make a choice to be responsible for how you choose to re-act to those feelings.

 

I really understand that what you are saying as far as, I don't want to be a victim mentality" but you're not doing that if you can acknowledge that you have been hurt, and that you might need to feel sad for awhile, but you also know that you have the courage to survive and thrive, and learn, and grow, and be indepedent, and to celebrate YOU.. this is the most healing and attractive process.. and it will draw healthy love into your life..

 

Acknowledge your feelings, and choose to feel them, and then decide based on your own self respect, standards and values how you are going to use those feelings to positively take your life into a new direction to learn, grow, explore, have gratitude, and widen YOUR world, and to love again in a healthy, mature, self respecting way... and it might even be with the ex (if the ex is lucky enough to ever win back YOUR heart, and if they don't make the INTENTIIONAL EFFORT TO DO SO, then you are better off, letting go and moving on) .. but for now, love yourself enough to know you are going to thrive..learn, and love again..

[nilli]

Analysis paralysis - I love it! It sums me up sooo much.

 

Thank you for your reply. It was extremely helpful.

[AzureSkyes69]

I guess your feelings can be wrong..but in my case..my feelings have not actually been wrong per se but mostly been mislead along the way.

My feelings usually get the better of me..I am a deeply feeling person.

So most times I am hurt cause I feel too much.

 

If I feel upset about something, I always try and rationalize it away. I believe that people always do their best with whatever resources they have at the time so I find it difficult to just be angry with someone because I think 'well, maybe I take things to personally, or maybe he/she is having a bad day, or no one owes me anything..or whatever' so I feel bad for feeling angry/depressed about some things.

 

 

I am like this to it sounds soooo much like me.I rationalize and try and analize everything to bits.Yeah I think what we feel can be wrong at times.I mean I have to divert my feelings sometimes cause sometimes I don't want to feel them and don't want to even acknoledge what I feel (in denial)

And sometimes I don't want to "feel" at all.

[Cadence308]

People can tell you that what you feel is wrong and that is a matter of their opinion. What you feel is what you feel, it's subjective and relevant only to you. Sometimes we can change what we are feeling by changing our thinking and perceptions about what is happening. That is why counselors tell you to use "I" statements when confronting someone or talking about how you feel because it's how "you" feel and someone is not supposed to tell you that you feel otherwise. It wouldn't be rational if they did.

[shes2smart]

You feel what you feel. No right or wrong about it.

 

Now, where people start getting themselves into situations is how they choose to act on the feelings they have. Just because you have a feeling doesn't mean you have to act on it. It's probably best for your mental health to acknowledge you're angry or happy or sad or hurt or whatever...but that doesn't mean you have to actually DO anything about it right at that moment, or ever.

 

If you get angry at, say, a rude waitress, acknowledge that feeling to yourself. But you don't need to use it as an excuse to go off on her. She may be having a bad day, and this is where you can exercise some compassion by being kind to her in spite of feeling angry. If you learn the reason behind the behavior, it can change your feeling. I don't see doing something like that as rationalizing away your feelings, but as choosing to handle and express those feelings in a responsible, mature way

[blender]

yes, 'feelings" are never "wrong" but how we choose to re-act to them is what defines our character.. so choose behavior that you are proud of, that is self respecting, and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, and then take a moment to separate your "feelings" from the "facts" and see how many of them match up... it will help guide you to make self aware, self respecting, better choices in how you proceed in any given situation.

 

Your feelings are not wrong.. they are what you are feeling in the moment, and they pass, they change, and all the while you can start to choose how you are going to work through them in a self respecting, self aware, loving, and kind way. The fact that you are asking about this, shows how much you are willing to learn, grow and become someone who is proud of herself, her choices and this is the most attractive healing process.. and the good news is, a broken heart usually is a gift leading to a happier YOU.

[nilli]

Thank you all for your replies (Blender, I would love to hang on to your shirt-tails for a week or so!).

 

I think that recently I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself and, as I had been quite depressed for a while and I feel that this drove people away from me so I'm worried about sharing this.

 

I have recently ended a bad relationship and I'm sure it's a good thing. I feel waves of intense sadness sometimes but I feel they are not entirely linked to this guy. I feel like I'm crying for all the "bad" things I did to myself - allowing myself to hurt for so long and other things tied to my adolescence.

 

It's like I didn't love myself and I find it heartbreaking somehow to think how blind I was to me, my feelings and my warped thinking.

 

Oh..I don't know. It's an emotional time. I had a bad day on Sunday. I had the flu and an exam and I felt alone and sorry for myself. I tried talking to my flatmate (we were once really good friends but since I was depressed over that guy, the friendship went downhill) and I felt sooo awkward and I felt like I drove her away and felt ashamed of my pathetic feelings.

 

Anyway..it feels so good to get this all out. Maybe it's a good sign.

 

Thanks again for all your feedback.

[OmegaMan]

Emotions are powerful mother-*******

 

Deny them and they will gain some momentum until they finally get control.

 

Don't fight them I say, observe them.

 

"Right now, I'm feeling sorry for myself."

 

That's ok, you are aware of it. Notice how the emotion fades away, as if it had carried it's message and was now leaving you alone.

 

If you're sad, allow yourself to be sad. The mind can't win over the emotions, you can't fool yourself for long.