Tigger6145 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Hello all, How long should it be before you have the DTR convo? I guess it does depend on the circumstances surrounding the "relationship" but say you guys "hang out/go out" 5 of 7 days a week. How long do you think it should take before someone mentions the "what are we convo"? We have had the let's take it slow convo because I just got out of a serious relationship about 4 months ago, but we haven't really had the what are we or where do we see this going (ie casual dating, relationship, etc.) convo. He has mentioned that he wants me to met his brother and his best friend who lives in Alabama. He talks about us as if we will still be together over the summer, etc. However, we have never really had the talk about what we are which I would like to have because I would feel more comfortable talking about certain things, opening up to him, and allowing myself to really fall for him more than I have already if I know that we are exclusive. We have not slept together yet - I won't sleep with someone unless I am in love with them and we are exclusive. I am starting to fall for this guy and I guess I just want to know if he feels the same way although by his actions and what he says I think he is falling for me too. Anyway, I have said more than I thought I would. Do you guys think it is okay for the girl to bring up the DTR convo or should I let him do it? I would like to be exclusive with him but I don't want to freak him out if he thinks it is too soon. BTW, I am 23 and he is 25. Link to comment
Jayar Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Honestly, I'd let him bring it up... As hard as it will be to hold back. But that's just my personal opinion. I believe that the MAN should be the pursuer and be 100% responsible for the first move in taking a relationship to the next level. Hold your heart in check. It will feel SO MUCH better when he brings it up and you get to "agree" with him than it will if you bring it up and, by chance, he isn't on the same page. Even worse, he'll say he's on the same page but not feel it in his heart. He isn't confused. He's just not ready yet. When he puts the feelers out (saying things about the future and friends/family) be very kind and open, but do not push him. Best of luck! Link to comment
chickidee23 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Of course it's ok for you to ask! You're in the relationship, too! I would approach it casually. I've used the, "I've been asked if I have a boyfriend and I don't know what to say. What do you think I should say?" That always seems to work. Or you could mention it next time he talks about making plans with you in the future. I think lots of times guys are just as worried they'll freak you out as you are worried you'll freak them out. Link to comment
Tigger6145 Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Thanks...you just confirmed what I was thinking. I just get impatient sometimes. I think you are right about the talk of the future...maybe he is feeling me out because he wants to make sure I am ready before he says anything. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 i wouldn't mind if the chick brought it up. she has a right to know. he may never bring it up. ask away. your feelings are involved here. you deserve to know. Link to comment
Tigger6145 Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 I think I will give it another week or so and then I am definitely going to bring it up! Thanks! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 First, no one gets to "hang out" with me 5-7 days a week when we first meet - I have other friends, social activities, work activities, etc and I am not going to make some brand new person that much of a priority that early on - I need to be a little cautious about what I invest that early on. You cannot assume he has closed off all options and seeing him that often that early on leads to a high risk of the initial excitement wearing off too soon and him seeing you as too available. That's background to your specific question. In every serious relationship I have had the man brought it up within the first month or two. When I had to bring it up, even if he agreed it was over shortly after. I dated someone who in the first 6 weeks had me meet family, close friends, talked of the future and marriage (mostly generally but on very specific issues)- but he didn't really want to be exclusive. Link to comment
blueberrypie Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Sorry for the stupid question, but what is DTR convo? Link to comment
jengh Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Well, I just came accross this dilemma with my new boyfriend. He mentioned he wanted me to meet his mother the following day. I simply asked, "So when you introduce me to your mom tomorrow, what will you be introducing me as?" And he replied, "Well, I'd like to introduce you as my girlfriend" That seemed to work well Link to comment
Tigger6145 Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Well, we are in the same social circle so we see each other all the time anyway. Not like I am just giving up my time to go over to his house. For instance, on Sunday we went to the park with friends, went to dinner with same friends, and then to church. After church we hung out just the two of us for a while (maybe 2 hours). Same on Tuesday....hung out with friends with a little one on one time after that (maybe 30 minutes). So, I guess I should say we hung out alone together...like kind of a date thing on Sat, Mon, and Wed. He works long and late hours so when we do get to see each other it is usually for a short period of time (from like 7pm-10pm) Oh well, I guess I just find no need to NOT hang out with him if I am not doing anything. He is the one who initiates the one on one time. Do you think I should say no, even if I am not busy? That seems kind of shady. It is not like I don't have my own life...I am going out for girls night this saturday night and he knows that and last Friday night I had girls night. Also, I go to the gym every other day which he knows and which I do not change for him. I have my own life, I just hang out with him in my free time. Link to comment
Tigger6145 Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 DTR - Define The Relationship Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Well, I just came accross this dilemma with my new boyfriend. He mentioned he wanted me to meet his mother the following day. I simply asked, "So when you introduce me to your mom tomorrow, what will you be introducing me as?" And he replied, "Well, I'd like to introduce you as my girlfriend" That seemed to work well pretty slick on his part. Link to comment
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