darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Need some support here. Well the bf that I have only been back together with for a week suddenly stopped talking to me yesterday. Haven't heard from him since. Guess I should have known better but I didn't. I shouldn't contact him should I? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Aaawww, Pumpkin! How are you doing, Sweetie? Is this typical of him to just stop the communication? Are you sure we're not dating the same guy? I read back on some of your posts and wow he sounds so much like my "boyfriend." I am so here for you! As far as contacting him.... If you do, I would call him one time. Leave a message like "I'm a little concerned about you, please call me back" or even more simply with "Please give me a call." And then all you can do is wait. Yes, he owes you an explanation but at this point, I wouldn't even expect an explanation out of him. Is he super conflict avoidant? Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Before when we went out he might have done this to me but I was the one who always called. He basically was super good until a week ago and then boom not wanting to talk and what not. He even told me that he doesn't deal with things just goes along like things never happened. So I should call and say I'm slightly concerned that I haven't heard from you in the past two days? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 This is a risk you took in your situation getting back together with him. Sure, you can call him and ask for an explanation - certainly you deserve one - but make sure you take care of you and don't do that if you can't handle him potentially not responding. Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Do I really need an explantion? Is it easier to hear the words I don't want to be with you anymore? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I wouldn't ask for an explanation - given that it's only been a week, I would expect he would still be working hard to make things work so the silence would be fairly transparent to me. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I have found in the past that if I don't take that extra step, I then start to blame myself for not having done so. Can you just walk away at this point? Do YOU really need an explanation from him? Will it make YOU feel any better? Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 I think I do need to call him and tell him I'm confused on what is going on. If he doesn't get back to me then I will have to deal with that but I guess for my own peace of mind I have to ask what's going on. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I think that if you call him, you should not leave a message that is too wordy. Keep it simple. If you talk to him, tell him you don't understand the silence, let him explain if he offers but don't demand an explanation, and then tell him that this silence or "ignoring" you is unacceptable. Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 I called him. He didn't answer. I left the message asking what was going on because I haven't heard from him in a while. And that I guess I'll talk to him when he gets the message. I really don't think he's going to call back. This sucks Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Damn I don't know why I was so stupid Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Don't beat yourself up, hun.... Sometimes we just have to give it that extra chance to work. But - Do work on yourself and getting out of this unhealthy relationship. I've learned that people like this "never" change. They just don't seem to have what it takes to have a healthy relationship. I am terribly sorry for what you are going through! My bf has done this to me a number of times. I keep going back - back to the unhealthy relationship - the relationship that has me jaded about all relationships.. Because I find it difficult to let go. See my signature line. Another good one - something like: Why keep knocking and crying at that door of unhappiness? I promise if you try one of the other million doors of opportunity, you will find much more happiness! (I know easier said than done!) Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 I feel like I'm falling apart here. God. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Aw, Pumpkin! Stay strong! What are your plans for the day? Are you working right now? I am so here for you! And I know how gutwrenching it is. One thing I continuously think about is: It is such liberation to be away from the lack of consistancy from them. It is liberating and it feels good. Once you can get over this part.... Link to comment
b2761 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 well, if he doesn't call back, that should tell you that he's a guy that isn't worth your time. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Poor pumpkin, I've read some of your past posts. You are sure having problems with this guy. Maybe it's time to take a stand and cut and run (mixing metaphors here but you know what I mean) Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 I emailed him that I need an explanation why he isn't talking to me. He emailed me back "Because I haven't talked to anyone" Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Well to me you have your answer. He is unconcerned about your concern that you haven't heard from him. Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 So is this a we are broken up or not? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Since you chose to communicate by e-mail, who knows. It doesn't mean you are broken up, it means that he is unconcerned about your concer about not hearing from him and gave you an evasive/non-answer. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 "Because he hasn't talked to anyone." What does that make you think? That he might be down and out and withdrawing from everyone and that you shouldn't take it personally. But you should! You deserve respect and consideration. To answer your question - are you broke up or not? Probably completely up to you. If you choose to accept this behavior and disrespect, he may very well come back thinking everything is okay when he decides to. (Who knows when?) I strongly suggest that if you decide to continue on with this relationship, you set serious boundaries and tell him this is not acceptable. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 DarkPumpkin, if this is REALLY bothering you, can you go over to his place and TALK to him. I know all this waiting is like pins and needles and is tough on you. Go at the source of the problem and confront him to see what really is going on. His playing games is hurting you emotionally. Link to comment
kellbell Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Hey Darkpumpkin, Sheesh that stinks. His answer was SO childish. He apparently does not care about your concerns and putting them to rest. If it were me, I would move on. Life is too short to be playing games like that. There are plenty of men out there whom will treat you better than this. His loss. Honestly, this guy does not deserve you. Period. Come here for support. We will help in anyway we can. Hang in there. (((hugs))) Link to comment
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