Dazed and Confused !!!!

[Morgy]

Hi All,

 

I am a newbie too this site myself and I have read many posts over the last few days... Good to see alot of help out there.

 

 

Where do I start, Had a g/f for 4 months, everything was fine so I thought for the first 2.5 months then all of a sudden it went pear shape. We got on so well it was amazing. Had the same interests, passions and we would I thought drive each other.

 

She just went funny all of a sudden and said she wasnt happy and unsure what she feels.. honestly this blew me away as it come just before Valentines day and she cut off.

 

A little insight ( she has a boss and they have been friends with for over 5 years, dated 4 years ago for a little bit and never worked. Dated again last year for a month and didnt work. he broke it off and she said she was relieved that he did that.)

 

So we meet 2 months after this and everything is fine, he finds out that she is seeing someone and started the moods and when she asked him what was wrong, he said, Lets just get away and get married... we this rocked her at the time and then made her confused.. she pushed me away saying she was confused and didnt know how she felt and wasnt 100% happy.. this hurt and I tried to let her know how i felt and fell on deaf ears until 5 days later she realised how important i was and wanted to be with me.

 

This lasted for a few days until she got confused again and pushed me away for another week and then did the same and we went away for the weekend.. on this occasion she told me that she was molested as a child by her brothers and I was the first one she told. We went away for the weekend and felt the closest we ever did then come home to her boss leaving messages and guilt trips on her voice mail. she tells him that she is seeing someone now and then he chucks a hissy fit and hangs up. She goes to work and he acts like a prat and makes it hard for her, she comes home all stressed and then I go home yet for another week until she comes around and realises that I am the one she wants and is happy bla bla bla..

 

Then not a day later happened again... I had to go intersate for work so I was upset that she didnt want to see my before I went and had a hard time while away. I talked to her on the phone mid week and she gave me the cold shoulder and said that she is mixed up and needs time to herself and that she didnt want to have this conversation while i was away. I told her how much she means to me and her kids but wasnt interested. I didnt contact her for 2 days and she rang me and texted me wanting to see me on friday as she was in the same state that day and wanted to catch up... I waited till i got the airport and said.. sorry been busy at airport have a good weekend... next day I get the I am the luckiest girl in the world and I a in love with you... so I pick her up from airport sunday and things are ok. she thinks she may be pregnant and is stressing about this and we talk about options. I tell her I want it and she is unsure.

 

 

Two days down the track the same happens, this time mid week she tells me she is pregnant and I said i will help out with the abortion since thats what she wanted and I was told by text.. dont worry about it... well i said... fine you win I will give you what you want and leave u alone. goodbye

 

4 days later I get another call.. we need to talk... feeds me the same crap and is undecided of what she wants with regards to having the baby... week goes ok all this are ok... I get the I love you and all the warmth and cuddles that she likes to get from me.. then she decides she doesnt want the baby yet cause she is not ready.. I agree and say if you are not ready then Its best not to have it as I dont want resentment ( She has 3 kids herself and I have 3 also that I see every second weekend) so at this time it wasnt right. We go and have the procedure done and I was upset byt it but supported her.

 

Well the next day she says lets move in together, get a bigger house so its not so stressfull and easier for the kids. She says might as well make is sooner then later, So I agree and we find a house. Everything is going well and we couldnt be better so I thought. Well mid way through last week her boss starts his crap again but I think also that its her fault for allowing this behaviour. She feels guilty that he is hurting but says she doesnt want anything other then friendship with him but he just keeps trying and I wonder what she must be feeding him for this to happen but I trusted her word.

 

Come friday she said I am not sure if I want to move in and whether I am in love with you... I said look I am scared too and its a big thing making that committment bringing two lifes into one... she was sort of ok.. We got the keys started moving in friday but she was acting funny and thought it was just her been tired, stressed and maybe a little hormonial from the abortion a week prior.. anyway... saturday was her tired, stressed and sick.. So i am doing all the work... she gets this message from her boss saturday night that said.. I am always the last to know at work I hear you moved with the bradys , so this is what you have been all about.... thats the only part she read me of the text message but she turned really weird after that and went to bed not long after that.

 

Sunday morning woke up and I was restless with all this going on and decided to go down to the other house and clean... I get a phone call a hour later saying.. you dont want to talk to me about whats going on and then she said I am not happy.. its like she shut off... I just got cranky and left.. she said leave what I was doing she will do the rest cause she cant do this anymore. Well through the day I get the I am not in love with you, my heart isint in it... I was devastated, I couldnt believe here we go again... so I had to move my belongings out today and still she says that she doesnt feel the way I do and that she cant make me feel better and feels soo bad for me... I am confused !!!!!

 

 

this girls mother committed sucide when she was 8 and her brothers did what they did also.. apparently I found out that when she gets close to someone she gets scared and runs... I have always tried to be supportive and loving other this time cause i love her but it really hurts that she cant stay and work through this .. its like she shuts up shop and runs, then after a week she has this brain snap and comes back to me... If she wanted to be with her boss I am sure she would.. But why does this man have an affect over her and why does she come back to me all the time and do this ???

 

It really hurts me and I am fed up with it. I love her and always show it. I do things around the house to make things easier for her and love her kids and do whatever I can for her but never seems to make a difference?? I am confused of what is happening... I am just waiting for her to do this again and not sure what to do

[b2761]

Talk about having understandable things that would make it hard for you to let yourself be close to someone- she's got some HUGE ones.

 

if you love her, I'd say 'power through' her mixed feelings and wait it out. Cause really- what do you have to lose? If it all goes to poo, you'll feel bad, but in time you'll get over it. Time is on your side, unless you're telling us that you only have 1 year to live. Life is a long road and sticking your neck out to try to make love work is a worthwhile use of your time.

[robowarrior]

They say a woman is an emotional battlefield, but this woman is mental, she doesn't need a relationship, she needs a psychologist who will help her deal with her past (this if she really is raped as she is (note: not to offend, but there have been cases where woman fake the story to get attention/pity from the person that they want to lean on for support)) If you ask me this woman is full of bull, and she can't make up her mind on anything. Yeah you love her, but i would dump her based on immaturity/stupidity/indecisiveness. Thanks to her and your actions someone has to die, or not? Is this how we toy with human lives. Real people, Real feelings? image removed

[Morgy]

Yes I know she has huge issues and I cant fix them, I have tried to let her know that I cant fix her. All I wanted was to walk beside her and support her. This is a frightened Girl and no matter what I did made any difference, I was a good partner to her and her children. I have waited it out, 5 times she pushed me away and then pulled me back in.

I know her mother leaving her at an early age had an impact, really why wouldnt it. The one you trust the most leaves you alone and scared hence is what is being played out in her life right now.

 

As to the abortion, I didnt want to have it. It truly killed me inside and will always remember it as long as I live.

 

Yes I do believe she has mental issues and its the old saying., you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink.. this is the situation here, she knows she is screwed up but isint strong enough to do anything about it.

 

I have told her I would be there and support her but I think its a case of " just been too scared".

 

How do you stop someone who is scared and frightened ???

 

She has sent some text messages I swear are for me to just react to them, One said last night, its bad enough I have to sleep on the floor, you could have left me a ^&%$ing pillow, stuff you... I never replied to that message. ( it was my bedroom set that I had to remove yesterday)

 

then this morning it was...I guess i will have to fix the whole in the wall you left, i need the rental pack so I can pay rent and fill forms in thanks...

 

Its like she doesnt want me but is wanting to get a reaction from me, its cause I said i didnt want to do this yesterday and I care for her and her kids and how much i care. I said I know she is scared and that I cant change what happened in the past but i am here.. she said to me that idont know how she feels and that she doesnt feel the sam.. so yesterday I just got my things and went. I have cut off and wont tell her how I feel cause it seems just a waste of time. Its like when I cut off and dont give her the attention then she panics or just wants to make sure I am here... does this make any sense ???