You can't expect much from a Kitty cat?

[Aschleigh]

My friend had a great analagy about the ex. If you were talking to a cat and they didn't understand you would you get mad? Of course not, they are a cat. They don't understand english. My ex is like a kitty cat, He likes to be rubbed, likes to run around, but when It comes to speaking english, especially english about emotions he rolls over and goes to sleep.

He's a nice kitty. He's fun. He's doesn't speak english. He will probably never have the level of emotional awareness I have. I can yell and scream all I want. He can't understand or communicate.

So next time, I will try again to speak emotion english to a potential boyfriend and if he can't respond. I will just pet his belly and move on.

I like kitty cats but they make bad boyfriends.

[soccer14]

I find that hilarious yet, so true in those situations. Well said.

[Fisch]

I find that hilarious as well, and can relate to an ex simply not getting it. Yet,you are trying to talk to guys through emotions then you are speaking the wrong language. One of my facts of life is that girls are more emotion-motivated, while guys are more rationality-motivated. Im not saying girls are irrational or guys are unemotional, Im just saying that there is a heavy bias on each side. If you want to settle a fight with a girl you dont explain why your side is logically right you show you care about her feelings, if you want a guy to do something you explain to him the reasons even if it is explaining THAT you want something BECAUSE you feel some way. Dig into most fights couples have and I sincerely think you will see this parallel.

[Karhu]

A cat's love comes through the stomach.

 

I like cats, and cat lovers, they are generally more affectionate, but then all the qualities are importnat to make up an individual. so if they can purr but can't talk then they might get boring. and if they only talk but throw a tantrum when you scratch their belly then i'll find one that will return my affection.

 

I think everyone is unique, both male and female can be logical or emotional. and all the characturs in a personality are important

[DN]

Last week we had a member post that women who leave one relationship to go immediately to another are like monkeys who swing from one branch to another without letting go of one before grasping the other. Most people were outraged and insulted at the notion of comparing women to monkeys. The analogy was a poor one - and in my opinion, so is this one and for the same reasons.

 

Instead of using sexist or demeaning stereotypes and insulting comparisons to deal with real people it would be a better use of time to treat them as individuals and accord them the respect and understanding they deserve.

[Locke2121]

I'd love to make a joke about men and them sometimes just wanting a p####-cat to pet...but I'm not going there!

 

(NOTE: This isn't a bad word, but the filter is treating it as such, hence the characters)

 

But I do agree about the emotional part. Men have a very hard time expressing emotion. However, don't be fooled, for the most part, we have very deep emotional personas. You just really have to dig deep to get it all out of us...sorry, we're just hardwired that way.

[RayKay]

I am in agreement with DN. Even comparisons aside, I think it is pretty mean-spirited when we start saying someone will "never understand emotions" or be able to communicate and never reach "my level of emotional awareness". How do you know what life holds for them or how they really feel?

 

I honestly think it reflects more on OUR poor understanding of communication; because the basic truth is we all communicate in our own ways. Part of being in a relationship is finding out how the other side needs to be approached about issues, and also being able to see things from their perspective, and looking at how we ourselves may not be the "best" communicators either all the time! Just because one may want to talk about something or be pressing to talk about something does not mean they are a better communicator either. For example, I would not stick around either if someone was yelling and screaming at me!

 

 

Honestly I have never dated a man whom did not have deep emotional feelings, needs and desires. Some were more hesitant to express them, particularly when they were feeling insecure and unsafe too. Sometimes when we stop talking, we can listen and hear what those are. There are also ways you can commmunicate YOUR own needs without making someone feel they need to be on guard; and that depends a lot on the approach and also the bond of communication and love between you two.

 

And please note that being emotional does not equate to emotional awareness.

[Locke2121]

I actually read somewhere, that a man who is raised by communicative women, while able to talk about his feelings a bit easier than most men, still have a problem talking in depth about their feelings. We actually are hardwired to not talk as easily. Sucks but true.

 

We feel just as deep...but its just so hard to get it out.

 

And Aschleigh, I bet I could rub your belly and make you purr yourself to sleep, so don't be so quick to judge us guys ok?

[DN]

Except that I have known men who were very comfortable at showing and expressing their emotions and I have known women who would make a tree look over-emotional.

 

When someone says "He can't reach my emotional awareness" or something like that then they should be prepared for their erstwhile partner to say something like "she is so governed by her emotions as to make rational conversation impossible."

 

Neither statement is helpful.

I can yell and scream all I want

Neither is behaviour like that. That is not so much emotional awareness as emotional aggression.

[Fisch]

Well I think its just silly to assume that someone will NEVER understand something. The fact is that they may not at the time, and if they end up doing some messed up things due to this, I dont think it is mean spirited but rather justified to consider them unperceptive. After all THEY would have to be the ones who made no attempt to find out how you communicate in order to justify that sort of judgement. Either way, I guess I am really talking about this on a different level because I dont mean it in the context of gender differences.