My husband is driving me insane!

[heartbaby14]

I don't know if anyone can really help with this, but I have to vent. My husband is seriously going to drive me insane. He is the most selfish person that I have ever met. What drives me the most nuts, though is that he keeps accusing me of acting a certain way when it is really him who is doing it. He says that everything has to be my way or I get mad, which is not true, I compromise all the time. He, on the other hand, gets mad all the time if things aren't exactly as he wants. If he asks me to do something and I don't just do it, he gets pissed. I can say a single word to him or ask why. He lies to me about stupid stuff. He tries to order me around when I've made it clear, just ask me and I'll do it. Order me, and I will not respond. I never order him around. I say please and thank you. I try to be a good wife, but I am not going to compromise my values. He agrees to things and then gets mad when he has to live up to the agreement. He thinks that if he does something around the house I should praise him, but if I do something, big whoop, it doesn't matter, I should be doing more as a "proper woman". I don't want to have kids with this man. I love him, but I am not willing to take on the responsibility of a child alone, which is basically what I would be doing since he thinks that the responsibility for a child is entirely the woman's. I've never been that sure that I wanted kids and I definitely never wanted to be a single mom. My husband has no concept of respecting anyone else's space, time, stuff, etc. He is only ever concerned with himself, and I have tried to get him to understand, but he is so self-involved. He only cares about what he wants/likes. It doesn't matter if it is something important to me as well. He is forcing me to be more selfish as well because otherwise he would just run roughshod over me. I've tried getting him to compromise, but he doesn't think he should have to. He really seems to think that the world revolves around him. He's vain, selfish, childish, dishonest. I swear, it's like I am married a 13 yr old not a 30 yr old. I love him, but I don't know how much more of this I can handle. We haven't been married that long and when we first got married I was severely depressed (hereditary condition I've had probs off and on for years), and I kept telling myself that things were so hard with him only because I was depressed. I'm not anymore though. I started seeing a doctor and a therapist and I've been on anti-depressants for a while now. I feel great now, but I still feel like my husband is going to drive me insane. Can people really change? Or should I give up hope that my husband can get better?

[HellFrost666]

Was he always like this?

 

You said you were depressed when you got married... Did you marry him as a result of your depression?

 

Another thing... Your post might get more replies if you break it up into paragraphs.

[ealmdm]

Ok ... so I've been having the same problems with my fiance ... We've been living together for about a year and a half now, and I almost decided not to marry him at all, but a few emergeny counseling sessions later ... we seem to be doing pretty well ... we're giving it a month to see if we can keep this up. The moral of the story is this; a counselor can help you both understand yourselves and each other much better so that you can get to the bottom of the things you are both doing to drive each other insane.

It is never just one person causing the fights ... I found out a lot of things that I do bother him more than I knew ... The counselor helped him understand that the view that a woman is meant to take care of household duties and nothing else maybe isn't such a great idea afterall Maybe, that's what your husband needs ... basically, if you can't communicate your needs and opinions yourself without a fight ... get someone else's help

[EvaGina]

I don't want to have kids with this man. I love him, but I am not willing to take on the responsibility of a child alone, which is basically what I would be doing since he thinks that the responsibility for a child is entirely the woman's.

This sentance gives me hope... at least you're not naievee and think a baby will fix everything!!

However, I am confused as to why you married him in the first place.

 

Me being me... I would run, no looking back... but Im cynical like that

[doyathink]

I'm faced with the same kind of S/O. I refused to have children with him as well...and never changed my mind about that.

We've been together 8 years in April...nothing has changed for the better...it has gotten worse tho, in many areas. And....he's a year older then your husband....

[ghost69]

was he always so negative towards you? if so, you shouldn't have accepted the ring in hopes of him changing.

[yodasmom]

It sounds like your husband might be suffering from Bipolar Disorder. Has he ever been evaluated for mental illness? Does anyone in his family suffer from a mental illness? This might bring some light to the matter. If you go to the link removed website they give a lot of information on some of the symptoms of this illness. I wish you luck, but if he is like this before children it gets even worse after children. I know.