whatsagirltodo Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Enotalone has always failed to help me (with the exception of one person in particular) with my concerns with my exboyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, enotalone is a wonderful community, with a lot of opinions, but I believe my ex’s problems are a little too complex and many members here probably have little personal experience to go off of to even attempt to help me. And really, I’m not looking for help myself, it’s no longer about my relationship, it’s about this man that is struggling with something that I just can’t figure out. I would really just like any advice on where to get reliable information and advice on mental illnesses such as depression and personality disorders. If you want to know more about what I’m dealing with read below: My ex and I were on speaking terms until last night** and then I spoke to him today and don't know if we're on speaking terms or not anymore – I think that the best way I can help him is by not being a part of his life until he makes some positive changes, at the very least, with his attitude. But this man and his illnesses, whatever they are, have taken a toll on me for the past year since he started going downhill – and now he seems to almost be at the bottom. And I want to figure him out. Maybe it’s a waste of time, maybe it’s none of my business – but I had feelings for this man in ways that I have never had for any other human being. I’m dying to know WHY he is the way he is. WHY his behavior is familiar to OCPD (which he was diagnosed by a doctor), but his mood swings are similar in ways to being bipolar…and yet he’s taking anti-depressants because he’s had severe depression since childhood (he is now 26). He also suffers from anxiety and has a lot of fears which cause him to fail to reach ANY goals. I know I can’t help him if he doesn’t want help – but he DOES want help, he is scared of seeking help though and he doesn’t have anyone to trust to help him…I just want to see if I can make any sense out of his behavior and enlighten him on the situation at hand. He recently told me that he was sorry and now realizes that it was his OCPD that caused so many hardships on me when we were a couple. He has become an alcoholic over the past year and is in denial. The worst thing is, he used to act out in weird ways when he was drunk, now he acts that way when he’s sober too, he’s now more immature than he was a year ago! He hides that he smokes and is in denial about that too – and he’s addicted to nicorette gum…He takes sleeping pills every night just to be able to sleep and caffeine pills everyday to stay awake. He barely eats and when he does it’s all junk food then complains that he’s overweight…he only works 20 hours a week, at a job that he hates. He has no insurance (health, dental, etc.) and can’t afford to pay his bills. He lives with his parents that fight constantly about money. It’s just him, his brother and parents (that are divorced but lived together and sleep in separate rooms) they are immigrants from Europe that have lived in the US for about 14 years – the move for my ex when he was a teenager was VERY hard and contributed a lot to his depression and anxiety. He has no friends and no other family here. He also has problems because he is not a US citizen. He often doesn’t do things, like pay his bills, just because he “doesn’t feel like it”. I've tried everything to try to motivate him and help him, even when I wasn't a part of his life for two months, he still made no changes, the one time he did something different he went to a party with this young kid he works with and it was all 19 and 20 year olds and said he got drunk and tried to make out with a 17 year old girl who had a boyfriend - and he acted proud in a way. The guy is going to be 27 years old in October, i understand that he never did that kind of stuff when he was younger, but it's still not normal, is it? For him to be becoming more immature instead of maturing? I will be 21 years old in July and I find it offensive - knowing that this man who LOOKS like he's nearly 30 years old is hanging around with high school/college kids and he talks seriously about messing around with 16, 17, 18 year old girls...and then claims he was just joking, but I'm just not sure with they way he talks, you know? I have nothing against age gap relationships, i just think that a 16-18 year old girl can be easily influenced by an older man and i feel like even if he is JUST JOKING - he is still capable of seizing an opportunity to fulfill what i believe is him trying to get back his younger years that he kind of threw away - he's still trying to go to college and get a degree, he's dropped out of school like 5 or 6 times since he was 20. He complains all the time about being OLD. He worries that he's going bald!!! He's 26!!!!!!!! I think he has serious self-esteem issues and perhaps thinks wooing a young girl will prove to himself that he is indeed still young??? I just don't know. There are plenty more stories and scenarios, but if you look up OCPD that's all pretty much him, although he's not too much of a pack-rat, maybe a little, but i wouldn't call it extreme. I'm still not sure because his intense mood swings are what has been driving me crazy. But he doesn't have highs like bipolar says, his highs are like normal, happy, but his lows are miserable! Maybe he has a little bit of all the diseases!!!!!! Any insight is helpful, and I can give more advice, or correct anything that I may not have explained properly!! **I was supposed to sleep at his house last night and it was late and he was drunk and I was tipsy and his parents had a big fight and he was ignoring me when I asked him if we could go to bed because it was late, so I went up to his bedroom by myself to lay down (forgetting that I’m not allowed to be in his room by myself just because he’s weird and is paranoid) and he freaked out and told me he hates me and never wants to see me again and that he can’t stand me and I annoy him like crazy (this was just minutes after he was hugging and kissing me – and he’s like this all the time since we broke up – one minute he’ll be all lovey-dovey like we’re a couple, the next minute he’ll be telling me that he hates me and I’m stupid and he never wants to speak to me again – and as soon as he gets out of his bad mood he apologizes and calls himself an *sshole. This doesn’t happen all the time, but more lately then it used to, and we’ve only been on speaking terms for about 3 weeks when we did 2 months NC before that. Anyway, so I called him today even though I shouldn’t ever want to speak to him again after the way he treated me last night, because I want him to realize that I see through his attempts to push me away on purpose, because of something like last night, where he was embarrassed because of his parents fighting in front of me. He was a jerk, but it was pretty forced, it was such an act, and I just told him I was sorry for going in his room last night by myself and that was all I wanted to say (really I just wanted to make sure he was okay, and out of bed for work, because his job is all he has) But now I don’t plan on contacting him at all anytime soon. Link to comment
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