daredevil Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Need help!!!! She arrives tomorrow night! I got a very good girl friend, who I have known for like 3 years or more, she has always been some part of my life in one way or another, which makes me very happy for her. She has been there for me both and after my current ex, and the other girls i've been dating. Her reactions has always been of a sweet and understanding kind - She always supports me in my actions and listens to what I tell her and give advice and the other way around. I think we can call it that we are really close when it comes to talking and caring for each other. 2 years ago we were together for a week, where we kissed and such, but the problem was that it was just after she had broken up with her bf, which made it difficult for her to control her emotions towards me and him at the same time, so we grew apart for some time, but became even closer again. My problem is that I think I got a thing for her - not a big one, but still after 1-2 years she's always been there and lately we've been talking more and more, and she is coming to visit me this month, perhaps sooner than later. I know it's on a friendly basis, and I want to be her friend no matter what it takes, but I got the idea, that I at the same time would like some more...But I know it's difficult because she lost her bf 1 month ago, but she rarely talks about him, and she has never been good at expressing her feelings towards me. Well she went to London last saturday and we didn't talk much, but I sent her a sms saying that I hoped the trip was awesome, and she enjoyed it, and Denmark wasn't the same without her (Telling her I missed her)... she replied back that she missed me too and that she would write me an email today, and so she did...And I know that I should never read things out of what people say but rely on their actions etc, but this is the first time ever, she has been talking so so sweet to me, and I kind of couldn't help to question it a little... it isn't a biggy, but it's comforting as hell, since i'm going through a little bad period and she is always there... she wrote: "Heeeey Sweetie I'm really missing talking to you. Hehe, I've kind of gotten used to you and me writing and talking a lot. I'm so ready to come home again. I miss my dog Mille a lot too. It feels really ackward not to have her here. (insert stuff about the trip about the things she brought etc and something about a pillow for her dog) I really hope you are feeling well at home, while i'm away! I miss talking to you so much and writing with you, yeah I think I just miss you.... I'm coming home at 11pm on thursday, but i'm going to try to write you a sms when I arrive. Perhaps you're still up at that time being, but it isn't something you should stay up for Miss you a lot sweetie hugs *Insert her name* *******************UPDATE @ new letter*************' (insert stuff about her having a great time etc) I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out with you and your girlf friend... but now you got the chance to enjoy the whole single life. And at the same time we're in the same boat, we can take care of each other..Sorry I have 2 go, because we have some things to do, sorry for the short letter, i will write you tomorrow when I'm back in DK. Miss you a lot...I'm looking forward to the time, when we can talk again ***************************************************** I was just sitting here and got so warm inside after reading it, because it was one of the first times for a long time (Since we were together) that she has written so specific how much she misses me and the things about smsing etc made me curious. I got the idea, that it isn't meaning anything but I couldn't help my lust to ask you guys about it? We don't see each other so much because she livess 1½ hour away from me, but we met this summer and had a lot of fun bowling etc, and I really enjoy her company... i think I like her more than I currently can explain... I always want to support her, and make her happy. Of course that is part of a friendship, but the things she wrote made me get other thoughts... Do you think I'm mistaking if I feel this is a sign from her? She haven't _EVER_ been so nice to me since we dated.... Yours sincere The curious Daredevil ps. mind my bad english, I'm danish Link to comment
blender Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Well one part of it that expresses that she is "just being your FRIEND' is the part about her saying: your being able to "enjoy your single life again" and "we can take care of each other".. that is very clearly a friendly basis type expression.. for right now anyway... so just take it slow, and enjoy her visit, she is still so newly single too, so let her have time to process that, and continue to be her friend right now, no "rebound" chemistry is going to carry you through to a long lasting relationship, so wait, be friends, and build more trust, more conversation, then honesty, then express any emotions that you may have, but take baby steps, and once you are spending some time with her you will be ab le to really tell if there is "something more" there... trust this, and wait a bit, for her to let go of her last relationship completely and for you to let go of yours as well... Link to comment
daredevil Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 trust this, and wait a bit, for her to let go of her last relationship completely and for you to let go of yours as well... Thanks a alot blender. I've thought about it, and I reckon the best way to keep on moving forward is to be my self and don't tell her a lot of bull * * * * etc, i just told her in my answering mail to the last part - that the thought of her close to me made me smile - without getting into details etc. I'm going forward calm and easy Link to comment
b2761 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 I agree w/blender, although I will say that her saying "you'll be able to enjoy the single life now" may also be a little fishing on her part to see how you'd react to her saying that. Meaning, if she's also starting to think of you romantically, she might throw that out to not make it so apparent. but bottom line is, take it slow with no expectations for what will happen except that you are going to enjoy each other's company. Time will tell what it 'means'. Link to comment
daredevil Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 I agree w/blender, although I will say that her saying "you'll be able to enjoy the single life now" may also be a little fishing on her part to see how you'd react to her saying that. Meaning, if she's also starting to think of you romantically, she might throw that out to not make it so apparent. but bottom line is, take it slow with no expectations for what will happen except that you are going to enjoy each other's company. Time will tell what it 'means'. And the problem is that she has never said such things to me without me saying something first (she actually never just tells me she misses me - she hasn't done that for 2 years and the last time was when we were together). The letter came out of the blue air and her saying such sweet things to me, just made me wonder about it. I clearly understand and i'm going to follow your advice on it, if you want I can paste what i wrote as an answer to her mail... Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Looks to me like she's just your good friend. That's it. Nothing there or nothing fro your description of your relationship shows anything that suggests there is anything more. If it's true that you only have a "little" thing for her, I personally suggest you move on and find a girl who is interested in dating you. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 sounds like she needs a shoulder to be there for her and she chose you. maybe something can stem from this. more than likely she trusts your friendship though. Link to comment
lovesickkk Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I don't understand why you people are so quick to shoot him down. I think that there is definitely a chance. If she took time out to write to you during a trip, that means something. She could have just waited till she got home from her trip and tell you about her trip. I don't care how good of friends I am with a girl, I don't repeatedly tell her that I miss her. Also, her telling you to enjoy the single life, is a possibility of her fishing to see how you would react as another poster had noted. I DEFINITELY think this can lead to something. Good luck! Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I don't understand why you people are so quick to shoot him down. I think that there is definitely a chance. If she took time out to write to you during a trip, that means something. I don't because close friends do this sort of thing. I've known girls who were really close to platonic male friends who did this. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 DD is right. just because she is out of town and you come accross her mind, doesn't mean she wants a relationship. you were the person she thought of to confide in. Link to comment
scotty77 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 I don't think you can determine whether or not she is interested from the letter she sent you.Nothing in the letter implied to me that she was strongly interested.Find out if you are interested in her as more than a friend and take the plunge when you see her: ask her out and specifically state you are thinking of the proposed activity as a ''date''.Sounds like you are good enough friends to get through it ,if it turns out she isn't interested.Good luck!! Link to comment
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