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I'm need help to STOP me breaking NC

deelove2010

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deelove2010 Enthusiast

deelove2010

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Hi guy's I need all your support here, I've been in strict NC with my EX for a whole month now, we broke up 8 weeks ago and had very very low contact, I always emailed her to see how she was doing! But today I'm finding it so hard I have the urge to email her to see how she is doing, I know I should be STRONG and she dumped me and hasn't bothered to see how I'm doing but I'm feeling sooo angry! I want to say so many things to her about our relantionship because as the dust has settled I really feel she has used me, while I was going through a rough time in my life after my farther passed away! I want to tell her she is a NASTY, SELFISH, COLD HEARTED person that doesn't deserve anybodys LOVE!!! I know this wont accompilsh anything but today I'm feeling really LONELY!!!! Pls has anybody else here felt like this???? and what advice can you give me pls.

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Wotgorilla Rookie

Wotgorilla

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Absolutely stick to NC, don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you upset. I know what it's like to be used and abused by an ex, so I know what the anger is like. You want to tell them off so bad, so they know they've done you wrong.

 

Sometimes it just doesn't do any good.

 

Do not contact her, in any way, shape or form, at all, and vent to us. We're here for you!

 

Dan on Long Island.

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finewhine Proficient

finewhine

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While I don't know the specifics of your situation, I can offer you some general advice:

 

1. Find a trusted friend and complain about your ex to them

2. DO NOT call your ex and tell them they're awful. This will make you feel worse.

 

Your ex will realize how awful she was one day, but it's not your place to care right now.

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Honey Pumpkin Mentor

Honey Pumpkin

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Hi there,

 

Anger is good. I was reading the other day about how break-ups are like bereavement, and you move through the five stages:

 

Denial

Bargaining

Anger

Depression

Acceptance

 

Not always in that order etc, but I think this is a really healthy sign, that you are getting over your ex! Channel the anger - write a letter (and don't send it), rant to a friend about it, go running or walking, dance like an idiot to your favourite loud music - use the energy, and embrace it. Because it's a sign you ARE moving forwards, which is terrific. Well done for being so strong this far, you can carry on doing it.

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blender Mentor

blender

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your anger is a natural feeling, and you have the courage to feel those feelings but do not allow yourself to RE-ACT TO THOSE FEELINGS by contacting the ex. It will only give HER the satisfaction of hearing from you, be it negative or positive contact it doesn't matter, you will be letting her know you are still giving energy in her direction...

 

Instead let go for today, wait a whole day, do NOT contact her, and breathe, feel your feelings, work through them, remember she does NOT hold the key to your closure, that is up to you to move on, let go, and know that the only relief from those feelings of "feeling used" is to NOT give her anymore of your energy.. none.

 

You're going to be okay, the MOST EMPOWERING ATTRACTIVE AND HEALING thing for you to do, is to NOT CONTACT her.. trust this, let go, your anger will pass in time, because instead of being angry and feeling used, you will choose to learn from all this, and grow past it all.. you're doing great, just hang in there, and celebrate YOU.. no more worrying about her, ugh..she's HISTORY, prove it by NOT contacting her.

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bar35 Collaborator

bar35

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All good advice, but i'll say it again. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, CONTACT HER! She does not deserve your energy, and everyone here is right, you will make her feel empowered. Self empowerment is the only way to go. You have to learn to center yourself again. That center has been displaced, she has thrown you completely off balance and that is what some of your feelings are. Anger is good. Anger is power. Anger is strength. Feel the power of your anger but let it sit with you. Let it focus you. Then let it go when it is time to let it go. Once again, do not contact her, she will just drain you further.

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ladyblue07 Rookie

ladyblue07

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Remind yourself that venting the anger to her probably would not actually be as satisfying in reality as it seems like it would be in your imagination. The odds are she would just roll her eyes and think "What a psycho" rather than actually being affected by it.

In the long run, you will feel better if you stick to the high road and don't try to get back at her. She may even eventually feel worse about what she did because you didn't tell her off. Someday she may look back and ask herself, "How could I hurt that nice guy?"

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deelove2010 Enthusiast

deelove2010

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Thank all soooooo much for your advice! It has help me feel so much stronger! I really don't know where I be without this forum!!!! Thank god everybody has felt like this at some point during the healing process of a break up! I wont contact her in ANY way! I wont waste my energy or love on a cold selfish heartless horrid person! I ripped up all the clothes she every bought me and bought myself a new wardrobe and I feel good, I also got myself a tattoo because I've had one done before and I loved the feeling and pleasure from it, it help keep my mind off the dragon! And I also got my justin timberlake tickets come through ( I'm from the UK by the way and his playing this summer in london and I can't wait ) I've got two tickets as I booked em for me and my ex but this isn't worrying me, it will help me pursuit for my next love, lust or whatever and I'm sure it will either be a great first date with someone or a great night out with my new love!!!!! Thank you all so very much! No doubt I will have another low day in my healing process but at least day by day I'm getting over it I've been through the DENIAL, CRYING, DEPRESSION stage and it's week 8 coming on for 9 and I'm in the ANGER stage and you know what the next stage is? the best stage ACCEPTENCE and I can't wait! Peace, Love and Happiness to you all

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p_fred Apprentice

p_fred

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Stay with NC!

 

Ladyblue is right she will either think you are psycho or if she is a mean person she might actually enjoy hearing that you are in pain.

 

Don't give her either of those thoughts/feelings.

 

I said all sorts of things to my ex before I knew about NC... wish I had just kept my mouth shut. What can I say - she drove me crazy

 

Don't give her the satisfaction - if you don't say something stupid that you might later regret who knows you might even get back together one day.

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thelonelydoll Apprentice

thelonelydoll

Posted
Posted

 

Anger is good. I was reading the other day about how break-ups are like bereavement, and you move through the five stages:

 

Denial

Bargaining

Anger

Depression

Acceptance

 

Not always in that order....

 

I think I went through Denial and Bargaining while actually still in the relationship, so the break-up went straight to Anger. I'm in no danger of breaking NC, but two weeks into it, I'm momentarily sad about the whole thing. It's late and I don't sleep well, and I just saw something on television that reminded me of the ex. I think when I wake up - if I sleep - I'll be back to anger.

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