RebeccaChow Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months.. but he just left my country to go back to his own as he has been here on a business trip. Its so hard to go into LDR.. I bought a book 'The complete guide to long distance relationships'. I was hoping to hear more from people who have experienced it. I will not be seeing him for 2 months.. I'll be flying over to his country for a 2 weeks visit.. and he'll be coming in August to work here as I have a contract of 1 and a half years. I was thinking of taking a loan to pay off my contract.. which I don't know if it's wise. We're more than 15,000 miles apart.. I'm in Singapore and he's in Serbia. How do we sustain a LDR? I find it so hard.. as I've been meeting him daily for so long. It feels empty now without him and it hurts.. :sad: Thanks for reading.. Link to comment
Yvette84 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 I did one for 6 months. The guy was accross the country. I HATED it!! I felt soooo lonely and empty, especially when couple stuff comes up. We ended it. Some people can handle them and some can't. When will you be together for good??? I think it's great motivation and strength when you actually have that to look forward to. Some things that may help are: keeping VERY busy and being around other people, being extreamly secure and trusting in your love,keeping up constant communication! and going to forums and message boards to talk with others who are going through it also. I'd like to know how long your seperation will be? Oh....and is that you guys in your avatar??? Sooooooo cute!!! Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 14 months Ohio/Mass. saw each other 6 times, we looked at engagement rings, .....we both hated the distance, we were not willing to move and that is why it ended. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 Hey.. thanks for the replies. Yes.. that's us in the avatar! We'll be apart for two months before I visit him in Serbia for 2 weeks. He'll be moving to Singapore in August.. so its only 4 months of LDR. I was contemplating on paying off my contract, which is $13,000. I don't know if I should but if I do I'd have to take up a bank loan.. Its so hard being so far apart!! We've been crying our eyes out since last night.. Link to comment
Yvette84 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 4 months is nothing!!! I thought it was gonna be years! you can definatly do this if you love each other as much as it seems you do!!! it will get easier. the months will fly by. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 Yeah.. it'll be 4 months if he can find a job here. If not it's going to be 18 months!! Yeah.. thanks Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 I'm in an LDR, though not as far as yours. It's really tough. Here's what's gotten us through it so far (I'm hoping to move to his city in about a month and a half or two months) -communication-both expected and surprised. By this I mean usually when we got off the phone we figure out when we're going to talk the next day to make sure it happens. But it's also great to get a random phone call. -trust -plans for the future-this means not only planning our next visit or when we'll finally be together, but also making plans for past that. Things we want to do together when we get that time, what we want for our relationship, etc. -we do things for each other like send cards, ecards, care packages, sweet emails...just reminders that we care -having our own lives-we're both active and have our own interests and activities and I think that's important whether you're long distance or in the same city I know it's tough, but honestly the beginning of it is the worst. Once you get used to leading your life like this, it gets easier. Not easy by any means, but easier to handle. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Okay, thanks for your advice!! We're trying to cope with it.. its hard not seeing him for 2 whole months. It'll be even harder if he doesn't get a job here so I was thinking of paying off my contract.. $13,000. I don't know if its smart but I view the relationship of more importance than my career. The worst thing is, we're so far apart and its 6 hours difference!! So its hard to talk to him.. though we send an average of 10 emails a day. The air ticket there is also quite expensive.. because we live so far apart. Yes.. I think the beginning is the hardest!! Its so hard to cope with the lonliness and not seeing him daily. ](*,) I hope to have LDR for only four months.. not more, I'm too used to seeing him daily.. :sad: Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Well I'd say don't sign off your contract yet...see what happens with his job. Then discuss what your options are and make the decision together. Hopefully it will be only the 4 months and then you can be together again. 6 hours is a hard difference to deal with. It's good that you email all the time. Have you guys thought of getting webcams so you can actually see each other while you talk? Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Really? 'cos if he moves here it'd be a hassle, renting an apartment.. finding a job.. etc. I don't know which is better but I think we need to discuss more. Yeah.. he has a webcam, I can borrow one from a friend. 6 hours difference is so hard! Thanks for your reply. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Wouldn't it be the same hassle for you to move there? Plus $13,000 is a lot of money. But you're right, you guys have to discuss it. No problem If you ever need to rant about the LDR stuff, feel free to PM me. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Its not much of a hassle 'cos he has a house there where I can move into.. and a car.. etc. Whereas I don't have anything here! Haha.. yeah $13,000 is alot but I can pay it slowly via loan.. $600 a month for 2 years. You're in a LDR too?? For how long? Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Yea I would see what happens with his job then and discuss what is the best option for both of you. It's good that you're really thinking things through. We've been together for almost 8 months and it's been long distance the whole time. We met in undergrad and were friends for about 3 1/2 years before we started dating. Pretty good friends too...not best friends but I'd say he was one of my closest guy friends. We hung out a lot (or as much as possible considering my psycho ex) and when I moved away for graduate school, I always saw him when I went home. Something just clicked this summer for us and it's been amazing ever since I graduate in a month (yay!!) and I'm trying to get a job in the city where we went to undergrad. He just started a 3 year graduate program, so he'll still have two more years of school. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Oh so you're moving over in a month's time? THAT'S GREAT for you! Cheers. I'm still left with 2 months, June! Its hard communicating via texting and internet. Horrible when we get conflicts.. its quite hard. Never been in a LDR before.. its my first time. Bohoo! Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 It's kind of my second time...my ex and I were still together when I moved here, but I dumped him shortly after. He was horrible to me. Conflicts are hard to work out...but for us we just try to hear each other's point of view and come to a compromise. Somehow we do it. We also don't really have many conflicts. I don't know when I'll get there because I don't have a job yet. I might have to move back in with the parents for a bit, but it's only an hour away from him. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Oh.. I used to think LDR don't work.. but I guess it has the same chances as any other relationship. Just gotta try harder.. Yeah.. I'm trying but its hard to talk things out via internet or phone. I'd rather it be in person. That's not too bad! I'm 20 hours away from him!! 15,000 miles.. so so far. Link to comment
RayKay Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 LDR's actually have as much of a chance of working as in person ones - because it all comes down to the effort you both put into it. I was in an LDR for over a year, we met here, were together a year before he had to go away for a year+ (to another continent - I am in Canada, he went to Australia). It was definitely tough...we saw each other once during it when I went down to visit halfway through...but we made it and were together for three more years afterwards, he unfortunately passed away. At this time, we kept in touch with a phone call once a week, emails regularly and even handwritten and mailed letters - does anyone remember those??? Just have faith, and believe you can do it. It is hard..but also a great chance to get some perspective and see how you two really work together through tough situations. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Oh gosh.. I'm so sorry to hear that. That's so sad. Yeah, I mail letters! It's good.. Thanks! Link to comment
kellbell Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hey there, I will share my story... I was in a LDR for six months last year. We met on the internet and we really hit it off. There was something about him, his rhetoric, his caring, everything that really attracted me to him and kept me interested. We talked as friends for about two months and we ended up developing strong feelings for one another. The clentcher? I lived in Connecticut and he lives in Colorado. At one point, we could not take it, we had to meet. His line of work prevented him to travel on a whim plus he had never flown commerically ever in his life. It was easier for me to go. I had oodles of vacation time plus I love to fly and travel. So it was perfect. So, last Feb 06, I flew out to meet him and when I first hugged him, it was magical. I knew this was worth it, this is going to be a great thing. We had a splendid time. I cried so much when I had to leave. I missed him terribly. I planned another trip for April, then May and finally secured up a place to live my last trip 4th of July weekend. We also went camping that weekend and had an awesome time. We just worked, things just went smooth. There were some nights were we longed to be in each other's arms. So after we said good night, I would lay in bed, hugging my pillow, thinking of the day when we will be together, allowing me to fall asleep with a smile on my face. So, as you can see from my profile, I now live in Colorado. I LOVE it out here. My move here went smooth as glass. I mean every loose end was tied. I had two jobs lined up here within two weeks after I arrived. My mom drove out here with me to help me move and we had a fabulous time. Everything just worked, giving me the comfort that I made the right decision and when things are meant to be, they will be. Okay, some tips I can give you to keep a LDR a little more bearable and to keep things going. -Talk, talk and talk some more. My boyfriend and I talked EVERY day for 8 months. Some nights were on the phone for hours. Communication is VERY important in a LDR. Make sure you and your boyfriend keep on top of that. -We sent little gifts to one another. I went to Build-A-Bear and made a kitty doll for him, and sent it with other little goodies such as his favorite chocolate and a lavender bath salt as he loves to relax with lavender from time to time. He sent me flowers and made me homemade cookies for our 6 month anniversary. We sent e-Cards quite a bit too. I loved getting those as he did too. -He is a computer genius so he made up a private website for us. We posted pictures of our time together, favorite songs, dreams for us to do when we get together and we did virtual dates too. Very cool and very sweet. -Webcams. A life saver!! If you do not have one, I recommend you and your boyfriend get one. They are relatively inexpensive. -Visit. Whether it be him, you, or both of you. Try not to let too much time pass without seeing one another. My boyfriend saw each other every other month before I came out here for good. -LDRs are not supposed to last forever. They have to have an end at some point, due to one or the other moving closer. So have a plan on who is going to move, when, where, etc. -BOTH persons need to put in the effort. An LDR is over when one person is doing all the giving and doing all the effort. That is why communication is very important. I wish you all the best in your LDR, they CAN work. I am happier than ever with my honey and have not regretted my move, not even for a nanosecond. Take care. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Oh.. thanks for sharing. Yeah.. we're currently still deciding whether I should move there in June this year or he move here in August. We're still undecided.. 'cos its either he works here or I move over to work. We talk via MSN.. and e-mails daily. We text each other with our mobiles too, but its a hassle 'cos the messages always get DELAYED. And I'll get pissed 'cos I think that he isn't replying me.. in actual fact he hasn't even received it. I'm glad your relationship worked out! I hope to cross this two months hurdle to see him.. I'm flying over in June! Could hardly wait.. left with 68 days. Haha.. so you're married?? Link to comment
kellbell Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Nope not married. This issue has come up from time to time though. We are still getting to know one another as I have been here for almost 8 months and the first half of our relationship was LD for 6 months. I hope things work out for you, I am always rooting for LDRs to work out as I have been through one myself. Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Oh alright! 8 months is not too bad.. but I guess you gotta know each other for at least a year before marriage. Thanks!! Really appreciate it alot.. Link to comment
kellbell Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 No problem. That picture in your avatar is adorable! Link to comment
RebeccaChow Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Thanks!! Yours too. Link to comment
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