She's Getting the Best of Both Worlds

[adam3]

My girlfriend and I broke up two and a half months ago and since then, I we still kiss and cuddle and we have had sex three times. I also take her to movies and dinner.

 

But here lately, she has not been staying over at my place, much less spending much time with me. (I have been sort of avoiding her too.)

 

I am trying to avoid her a little and let her see what she's missing. I am also going to stop kissing her and cuddling with her, as well as paying for her movie tickets and dinner.

 

She has been hanging out with her friends, and she was interested in this guy a few weeks after we broke up, (but that ended and she is no longer seeing him). It seems like she wants me as her "long-term" guy, and she also wants to go out and flirt with guys and have fun......

 

 

Am I doing the right thing since our relationship has sort of reached a stalemate? Should I start seeing other girls? Would seeing other girls make her want to come back to me?

[guitars]

You're in limbo and sooner or later one of you is going to take you out of limbo. It seems like a break might be good for you two, even if just a week or two. Get some space to figure out where each of you want this to go and see if those ideals match. If they don't, figure out what to do. I assume that if you're dating and having sex that you have a decent enough rapport to be able to communicate honestly with each other. If you don't feel like you can do that, cut her off. It'll hurt, but without honesty you're in a dangerous place.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You broke up, why are you still sleeping together?

 

From what you desribe you haven't ended it.

 

Decide if you want to really end it or if you want to move on.

[Snoopy24]

Well, why did you two break up? It seems you still both like eachother but maybe you should have a talk with her and ask her what she wants. If she doesn't want a relationship anymore I think you should cut all contact with her and as far as start seeing other girls..that's up to you when you are ready.

[shes2smart]

My girlfriend and I broke up two and a half months ago and since then, I we still kiss and cuddle and we have had sex three times. I also take her to movies and dinner.

 

Ummmmm, that doesn't sound like broken up to me.

 

While you may not be "official" it certainly sounds like you're still involved with each other....perhaps until the next ex comes along.

 

You've put yourself of situation of fall-back guy...someone she sorta-dates until she has someone else lined up. It's not a fun place to be. You'd be doing yourself a favor to REALLY break-up -- that means no more kissin' cuddlin' and definitely no sex.

 

Yeah, you can "be friends" if you want to go that route (I wouldn't recommend it initially...maybe after you've had time to get over the relationship)...but that means no physical stuff and you don't foot the bill for her when/if you go out.

[adam3]

Well, why did you two break up? It seems you still both like eachother but maybe you should have a talk with her and ask her what she wants. If she doesn't want a relationship anymore I think you should cut all contact with her and as far as start seeing other girls..that's up to you when you are ready.

 

We broke up because:

1. I had a bad attitude and I took her for granted. (I really did, and I don't know why.)

2. As our relationship progressed I became more and more lazy.

3. She found out her dad has lung cancer and it can be treated but not cured.

 

***I have changed my attitude. I no longer take her for granted (believe me....I miss her like crazy when Im not around her). And I am no longer lazy. She notices that I have changed for the better. She said she just can't deal with a relationship right now due to all the stress of her dad's cancer. She said, " I love you and want to be with you forever, but stop pushing me to get back together. Let me come to you."*******

 

 

I think I just need to cut off all contact with her, because it does seem like I have become a fall-back guy for her. I love her sooooo much. And if I do cut off contact with her I don't want her to take it the wrong way, because I want her to come back to me.

[Snoopy24]

Well like I said you really need to have a talk with her and see what she wants, and what she wants from you. Maybe she's taking it slow to see if things are really going to change? If she wants to be together forever then I don't understand why she would be pushing you away. If she wants space though, give it to her. which means..no sex, no cuddling, etc...don't let her string you along.

[heloladies21]

Doing anything like NC or seeing other girls in order to get her to come back to you doesn't work, because it's just the feeling of losing you that brings her back. This eventually breaks down anyways though as the feeling disappears and girl loses interest again. You don't want her to want you because you're less available anyways, you want her to want you because she wants you.

 

But you can't keep doing this friends with benefits thing either because it has also been proven not to work. She'll just end up stringing you along for a while till she finds some other guy and drops you for good. This happens all the time.

 

Best thing you can do is go into NC to get your head straight. Tell her that's what you're doing so there are no misunderstandings. Then when you feel strong enough you can address both of your final intentions and move on if she's not interested.

[adam3]

Well, I saw her tonight and things went ok I guess......

 

 

She came over and we just sat and talked and watched TV and ate a bowl of cereal together

 

 

She started to cry and she said, "I'm just so upset about my dad and you haven't talked with me all day. You look so good and I look fat. And you're acting all cocky now and you seem like you are having a better time without me....."

 

I told her, "You don't look fat; you look great. Its ok if you want to lose some weight, but I just don't like to see you beat yourself up about it. I'm sorry I missed your calls today, I was just real busy. Im not trying to be cocky, but you told me you needed space, so I am trying to respect your request."

 

After that, she said she loved me and she was sorry that she had been mean to me lately.

 

 

So, HOPEFULLY...... things will get better soon. I just need to continue to give her PLENTY of space and do my own thing till she figures out what exactly she wants.

 

Comments, criticism, hate mail is all welcome.