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Thank you so much! all the advice is very appreciated! Just a couple of points to be added.


I am not being shallow but the reasons I can possibly see that he does not give up are


1) It will be difficult to find anyone more perfect than me - I am easygoing, warm, independent, fearless, fun to be with and have a model figure, beautiful face and a phd in mathematics and a respectable job.


Everyone tells me that I can get anyone I want...


2) He is looking for a wife


3) I want to build something strong before sex


I so can relate. Did you ever think he might be intimidated by you and that he want someone more at his level? Is he as accomplished as you are in other areas of his life? And believe me, he will find other people who he feels more compatible with, even if they are not as "perfect" as you are. Were you doing anythign sexual at all beside cuddling?

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This is so simple. The guy is not gay. He had feelings of love for her and found out that hers were nowhere near as deep for him, which wounded his pride. The offer of sex only exacerbated his hurt, as it pointed up her lack of comprehension about his feelings. Now he doesn't know what to do. The End.


Why was this stickied?


Yup, I agree with this. I also think that he thought he was doing everything right but you told him that he wasn't. You have to tread very, very carefully here.


If it were me, I'd apologise for saying it so wrongly and take all the blame. Then I'd explain that what you were trying (badly) to say was that you love and want him so much that felt ready to take the next step but couldn't find the words and that it came out all wrong. I might also say "Please forgive me" if I felt it was needed or appropriate.

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Bethany - I made a sincere apology via email but his reply was cold and polite and insisted that we need to stick to the original plan to think for a little while about what we are doing, although he understands a little more. Does it mean he does not accept the apology or he is playing the mind game?

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He called me last night at the time we agreed. I was in a club with really loud music background when he called. When I got out of the club, he told me he did not want to have any in-depth conversation as he needed the weekend to think about what he was doing. He just siad 'have a good evening' and hang up on me. Then he texted me straightaway that he was crap at talking on the phone and chat soon. And I replied that 'how deep I feel is no less than how deep you feel for me. Tell me if there is something else. I want heart to heart. No pushing and pulling. That is not love.' He did not reply.


What is going on in his mind? Is he giving up on me?

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Now he is just playing games with you. I would find some dignity and stop talking to him. He will then try to get in touch with you, and after a few tries, he will then tell you what's on his mind. By that point, you'll be separated enough from the situation to decide what you want from it.


On another note, your statement of perfection sure does make you imperfect!

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blemished - thanks for advice. I know am not perfect at all, although I wish I were though... It was purely for a full picture in order to get fair advice


He did tell me what was in his mind and it turned out that he was concerned about


1) he does not want children as he has one (he told me he wanted babies before)


2) if I am adventurous enough in bedroom. Argh!

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How would he know about #2 unless you had slept together? This sounds very strange to me. He also sounds flakey, especially considering the inconsistency in #1. I would drop this guy.


PS - There is no such thing as perfection-- being perfect is in the eye of the beholder. You don't wish you were perfect-- you just need to meet a man who thinks you are perfect for HIM, and vice versa!

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