Unrequited feeling???

[setsuko1981]

Quick question ENA members...

 

lets say you have a friend (of the opposite sex) who, you found out, likes you more than just a friend. It so happens that you do not share the same feelings towards your friend (at least not at the moment).

 

What did you do?

 

- Did you give being more than friends a try? Did you turn down your friend, and hope that you'd still remain as one? Did you severe your friendship with this person? Did you wait for yourself to develop feelings for this person before giving it a shot?

 

- If you did something different other than the ones I mentioned, what was it?

 

A little background:

I'm kinda in this dillema, only I'm the one who likes my friend. I know that she knows that I like her, but she does not seem feek the same way towards me, but still, she's not telling me to stay away from her, nor she severed our friendship.

[Stereohead]

When a friend admitting to loving me, I pushed it off for a few days till I could think about it without being on the spot… I kept being friendly and myself. Afterwards, when I did figure out how I felt and who I was in love with and had feelings for. I sat down with him and expressed to him honestly… mostly because I hated the feeling of having the situation avoided, and would have preferred being told I wasn’t liked, then being let to believe it could happen…

 

It went well, he acknowledged it and thanked me…He was upset, and I knew that much… I had basically told him I felt no attraction towards the guy, and that’s something I can’t change nor force…

 

He took it rough for awhile, and gave me a hard time from it. But I kept being friendly and let him deal with it in his own way. Offered a friendship if he wanted it. He did, even though I get the feeling he hasn’t necessarily given up completely, but I feel a lot better being honest with him, and I guess, well risking the friendship on being honest.

 

But it’s what I would want done to me…. .

[nilli]

After being friends with this guy for a while, he eventually told me he had feelings for me. I had suspected as much but until I heard it, I couldn't be sure. It kind of freaked me out as I didn't want to lead him on and we did have quite a close relationship so it was difficult. I kept my distance for a while (that was what he pretty much requested if the feelings weren't mutual but he had also requested we talk about it first, which I denied him - feel very bad when I think of this now and would like to think I'd handle it differently now).

 

Anyway, we still talk but he has distanced quite a bit. We tend to see eachother with our mutual friends rather than alone. It's a shame, I do miss him and if I could have flipped an 'attraction switch', I would have.

 

Is she good at communication? I think this is the key. If she's not, meaningful discussions could be awkward.

 

What is your gut feeling?

[Haven]

This happened to me. My friend actually asked me out several times, and I kept giving him excuses. Finally, I just told him the truth -- that I didn't have feelings for him, but I did really like him as a friend. It was weird for a while, but we stayed pretty good friends.

 

Are you sure she doesn't have any feelings for you?

[Karhu]

maybe she needs some time to figure out her own feelings.