Started NC to get Back But now Dont feel to get her Back

[ILoveMyself]

my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2 months ago, needless to explain anything what happened to me after that because if you are here you already know all the pains. I was without food for 6-8 days.I cried,begged,did everything I could to get her back.I felt abbandoned,neglected and what not.

for atleast 1 month the first thought that came to my mind when i woke up every morning was her, I started every single day of mine crying in the bed.

 

Anyways things were pretty bad as hell until I started NC

In beginning I picked her phone once or twice after she gave me like 8 to 10missed call spontaniously.Since I still care about her I picked up her phone only to find out that she needs ride or she wants to know about class exams and stuff which we have together.

 

I realized that this is doing no good to me so I decided the complete NC.

Since last 1 month I have completely shut down all contacts and dont even look at her when we are in class.But couldnt stop myself thinking about her.

 

I started working out, and eating good and I feel the most confident ever

 

I was told by a friend that she started a LDR after brakup.

The only confusion right now I have is she keeps calling me almost evryday even when I dont entertain her calls.She now call me hiding her number. I know its her and dont pick up the phone, She never leaves a voice mail and even if she does She would just say " I have to ask you something, please call when you get time."

 

What should I do??? I am a little confused, I am at a point where I feel that I dont want to get back with her at all.

 

I know I am wrong to think that but I have a feeling that if I continue NC, this may lead her to start hating me and thinking of me as a jerk and bad person

 

Am I thinking too much I want you guys to throw some light on this matter.

[mikeca]

you're not wrong to think any of this. You've come to an impass, do you continue and move on w.o thinking of her again and begin dating others, or do you wish to someday reconcile?

 

This choice no one can make for you, you need to figure out if you like the life you had, or the one you may be building now, if you think she wants to talk about reconciling, perhaps give her that option and talk with her, if not tell her its been fun and move onward and upward!

[solarplexus]

"this may lead her to start hating me and thinking of me as a jerk and bad person"

Absolutely not. You have already done your part of job. If you can not stand being friends with her (which is quite understandable in your situation), then it is your decision to whether talk to her or not. She knows what you feel about her. So there is no need to talk to her and act like nothing is happening in you. It will prolong the healing process. Just continue NC. And please stick to it. We are all here to support you.

[RedDelPaPa]

This is a situation where I really like the idea of accepting her contact 1 time to ask her to not ever contact you unless she has something to say that will make you feel better, because you're still emotionally attached to her and not ready yet to be just friends. It eliminates your guilt and second guessing because you're putting all your cards on the table, and letting it all hang out. It calls her hand to start thinking seriously whether she wants you back or not, and puts you on the road to heeling. All in one shot.

[ILoveMyself]

Thanks for response but I think if i accept her call and ask her anything i will look desperate that i dont want to look like.

I had talkded to her a month after break up to give me a chance following some NC, she wanted to be friends only at that moment.

That was the moment when I started complete NC.

She still keeps calling me everyday.

why is she doing this to me????????:sad:

[RedDelPaPa]

Thanks for response but I think if i accept her call and ask her anything i will look desperate that i dont want to look like.

I had talkded to her a month after break up to give me a chance following some NC, she wanted to be friends only at that moment.

That was the moment when I started complete NC.

She still keeps calling me everyday.

why is she doing this to me????????

 

 

I disagree because you're not asking for her back by saying those words. You're asking for her to leave you alone unless she wants to reconcile, and why you won't be talking to her. And it's only 1 time. And even if she did take it as desperation on your part, that will soon pass as soon as she starts missing you. And if she doesn't miss you, then you had a head start on healing and moving on. I wouldn't sweat it. You've got to tell her exactly how you feel at least once. Or else you'll carry guilt and regret with you every where you go.

[1forthegipper]

ILoveMyself,

 

I 100% agree with RedDelPaPa...... There's some unfinished business here with the ex and let her speak her mind and take it for what it's worth. After she does you can then make a solid decision as to what you need to do.. Go strict NC if her contact with you is OTHER than "I want us to get back together".... You need the peace of mind before you begin the journey of healing and focusing on you...When you have an outside distaction such as "What did she want to say" you'll hinder the healing process... Although you may not get any closure on the breakup you will atleast know what her intentions are.. .whether she wants to string you along or if she wants to reconcile with you... Talking to her this one last time will give you one of those answers and that's the closure you need to move on!!!!

 

Tha Gipp

[ILoveMyself]

I completely agree with you both , I have read many threads specialy SuperDave's. I am kind of following his strategy unknowingly but after I read his posts few days ago I feel more that i should not pick up her phone no matter what.....

 

I am also looking for SuperDave's thought on this matter, I dont know if you both follow his thoughts or no but to be honest i was unknowingly doing exactly what he advocates on this website.

 

But I have this emotional part of me which cares about her, I feel If I talk to her I will step back with my progress so far and will go in remorse for few more days or may be months.I feel fine when She dont call me but the moment I see her name on my phone I start feeling bad.

 

I already know definetely that she is not calling me to get back together with me because she have to much pride to admit her wrongs.

 

I loved her more than anythng in my life but after what she did to me I have no respect for her anymore.

 

So why should I go to her and say i want you back, she left me its her job to let me know that she really cares, and if she really cared and wanted me back she would have knocked my door upto now.

 

I just dont know I know i am disapointing you guys with my thoughts but I am really feeling helpless again.

 

I know she is happy with the new guy so why the hell she needs me now.

 

I have all the rights to be happy too but she wont let me be...

[1forthegipper]

ILoveMyself,

 

If you know and feel that her intentions are NOT to get back with you then by all means stick with NC until YOU feel strong enough to accept her contact efforts with you. YOU come first and that's the truth...As many others have stated on this forum... there will be NOTHING that will stop the ex from wanting to get back together with you IF that is what they truly want... Until then..stick with what you're doing..now that I know the other details that she has another guy and that you know her intentions are not to get back together with you then by all means stick with NC.... UNTIL...YOU feel strong enought to talk with her and not have ANY expectations from the contact....That day will come and you will know it and feel it.... You just have to keep moving forward and avoid these emotional pitfalls and traps she may be trying to set for you...

 

Tha Gipp