grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[purplehearts]

3 months ago my partner found out his best friend was getting married,he was obviously invited to the stag party. my partner got home that night and told me about it, and then straight away said "im not going as i dont have the money (the party is abroad), i will go to the wedding but im not going to the party"

I TOLD him to go as he has known this guy for 13 years, my man still said he wasnt going.as the time is getting closer i told my man to tell his friend he wasnt going as he is sorting out who is going and who isnt,he said he would.

tonight i get a phone call from his mate asking when my man gets paid as he needs the money back he loaned him for him to go to the stag party.

basically for the last 3 months my man has told me he wasnt going,when really for the last two months he has known he is going as he lent the money!

do i have right to be peed off with all this? in the time hes told me he wasnt going i went and made different plans etc i just feel like i have been lied to all along because i never had a problem with him going in the first place

[ghost69]

maybe he was still deciding to accept the loan. or maybe he didn't want you getting mad that he is going to pay him back and talk about spending all that money.

[Jayar]

Okay, I completely don't see his reason for hiding this... Maybe I'm having a blond moment? But my guess is you will only know if you ask him.

[EvaGina]

Hes scared you will fly off the handle... have you been unreasonable in the past or did he have an ex that was overly demanding?

 

best way to deal with it is to calmly explain that you are upset, and why, but that you understand why he did it. Then tell him he needs to be honest with you as as long as he is honest and upfront you wont have a tanty

[ghost69]

well, is he still gonna take the money or not?

[purplehearts]

hi thankyou all for the answers, no i have not been unreasonable in the past, im one of the girls tat encourage a life away from the relationship too (as in seeing friends etc) i have never told him he cant do anything at all .

to ghost...he already leant the money from his mate three months ago and he was booked to go to the party two months ago...so for two months he has known he was going but still told me he wasnt. Im not mad that hes going..just mad that he told me he wasnt even when his place on the plane is booked

[ghost69]

maybe he thought you'd get upset and was waiting til it was closer to save 2 months of complaining.

[purplehearts]

lol but i wouldnt have complained about him going,im the one who told him to go when he was having doubts

[TheFoglifter]

Did he have any reason to THINK that you would complain?

 

Personally I understand the motivation -- there are some issues that are just not worth bringing up until the last possible moment because it means less complaining time.

[ghost69]

i understand that you originally didn't care if he went and you say you wouldn't of complained. but you are complaining here aren't you?

 

it is also possible he thought you were saying to go out of spite. a lot of women say 'oh just go out with your buddies, it's okay', when they really want you to stay home.

[TheFoglifter]

That is true. "Do what you want" sometimes means "I'll make you regret it later". At that point, the guy might as well do what he wants, because he's going to get crap no matter what.

[ghost69]

lol fog. i like some of your posts. this is another good one.

 

it depends on the context of the answer. i can tell when a gf says she 'doesn't mind'.

[Totally lost]

Hi ,

Are you sure it wasn't a case of he didn't have the money and was hoping you would help him out. Maybe he didn't have the guts to ask you himself so borrowed it from his friend until he could come up with the money from you. This is just a thought but might be an explination as to why he didn't tell you. He may have just been hoping you would offer on your own and then he wouldn't have to ask.

[RayKay]

Aye, who knows...my boyfriend sometimes will think he has told me something, but I won't know until the day before (case in point we went to a wedding last weekend for good friends and he was even the best man, there was an after party the day after the wedding that I was not told of until two days before.....he thought he had told me....!).

 

I mean, the other posters MAY be right, but I know my boyfriend sometimes forgets to tell me things even though I definitely trust and encourage him to go out; even if it is to a stag and generally I am not very worried about them. The last stag he went too I went to the stagette, I was home earlier (and they had gone back out and left all sorts of surprises over the house..lol) and ALL the boys came back here after going to the rippers to play poker, I gave them all my stickers that I had been given to give out at the bar (no one there at bar deserved them!), gave the groom to be at the time a hug, and left them alone to be boys....which generally is what it is about!. If the OP is similar to me, I really doubt she is worried about him going....but I don't know.

 

Have you asked him about it since?