seperation and child and living together as friends.

[alexdublin79]

Me (27) an my fiancee (24) split up recently. We have a 2 year old daughter and are not sure what to do at the moment. We still get on fine and live well together. So far we decided to live together as friends for the child's sakes. Things are very calm at the moment. Just wondered if there is someone who knows or about it as neither of us want to make a bad decision for the little one as we both agree that if we should be living apart eventually we should see her equally regarding upbringing etc.... .

Also wondered what the 2 of us should do. We were going out for 5 years + and had one hell of a time. I cheated 1 time drunken after 7 months. She cheated a few months ago. She forgave me then and i did the same now. Although it was hard as she did it a day after we got engaged. After that we said we still give it a go cause we didn't want to through it all away for a drunken night. But it seems that she is the one who couldn't get over her own cheat. So she told me she wouldn't love me anymore and well split. The thing is we split last Friday spent all weekend alone and crying our eyes out. Now we said we'll live together but split for the little one. We just not sure about our relationship at all. We don't seem to be able to get away from each other at all. We are split now but we've already slept together again (cause now w are more attracted to each other than before) and cuddled in front of the telly and now as we are 'split' it seems better than ever.

 

 

Now I for myself have no idea whats going on anymore.

 

Please ask for more info and give me some help..cause I really dont know whats going on anymore

 

 

P.S> and a another main ? is is it worth throwing a relation ship like this away just because the other partner wants one nightstands...which is what i think it is pretty much about with her?I mean if you have such great times together, are able to dance and party and live together excellently as well as being still super attracted to each other...is that worth it throwing it all away for sex? ( Not that i like it that she will but i just don't know ..help!!!!!)

[Siriana]

Counselling.

[Jetta]

I can answer the part about living together and being broken up. I lived with my ex husband for several months following the divorce. It was okay. Like you we got along fine. We weren't cuddling on the couch or anything but we got along as friends fine. My thought with this is it'll be confusing to your daughter. When you do separate it might actually be harder on her because you were fine after all. Really I think my ex and I are better friends than spouses but I wish I would have stayed simply for her.

 

You can have shared custody, but then you'll have to live in the same area when she's school aged. And hopefully once you leave and reality sets in she's still as friendly as she is now. I know my plans for shared custody changed as soon as my ex IL's realized the divorce was real. So you may be fine now but once reality sets in things can change. So prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. Get things legal (as far as vistation).

[ratherbesailing]

Alex -

 

Maybe you guys should agree not to try and figure anything out for three months or so and just see how things go. Don't get your hopes up, just re-evaluate after things have settled down. And watch the TV show Scrubs. Dr Cox and his ex-wife moved back in together with their son and now they get along so much better than when they were married. It isn't real but it is interesting to watch.

 

Good luck. It would be great if you guys could stay a family.

[Dr.Amore]

Wow talk about a sticky situation. I just came out of a 5 year relationship girl had 2 kids and alot of other people i know as well. I personally don't know why couples stay together just cause there is a kid or kids involved. The thing is from all the cases like this the relationship always goes back to the way it was. You both have to sit down together and ask yourselves whats right for the kid.

 

You both cheated and most likely one of you will do it again. If you both are in love with each other work it out. If either one of you don't feel the same break it up. My sister kept taking her ex back cause they had kids together it turned out to be worse. You and your women really need to sit down and talk about it.

 

My ex was divorced then dated me for 5 years and just left me when the relationship wasn't even that rocky. Instead of staying and working it out she left i personally think thats unhealthy for the kids. I was ready to settle down but instead she has a new man and the kids for the 3rd time now have to trust, feel comfortable, and wonder is this guy gonna stay with mommy. In my case my ex thought she was making the right decision but she lacked what we call common sense. I would like to see you both work it out and rise your child and be happy. But it takes alot of work and is a job in itself. I will pray for you both and your child and hope it all works out for the best.

[Dr.Amore]

Counselling.

 

Yea like that really works, if you need a counselor reach out to god. Iv never met one couple that benefited form counseling. I not saying everyone but come on its all in your head.

[Siriana]

Yea like that really works, if you need a counselor reach out to god. Iv never met one couple that benefited form counseling. I not saying everyone but come on its all in your head.

 

Looks like they're not ready for a complete brake up and divorce.

If there is anything left to save than it woan't hurt trying.

And counsellor is not going to fix your marriagge - it will help you see what you did wrong. It's up to you to change.

If someone objects to counselling thats o.k. reading books on the toppic is a good idea too. Some people might benfit a lot from it.

 

 

I hate this saying: "it's all in your head!" because it belittles other people problems.

Of course it is all in your head - we all have different experience of reality, we can all sit in the same room but each one of us can have different vision of that situation! remember that your experience of reality is nothing more than subjective experience of reality as well as mine is.

Things in your head sometimes can be very wrong! And you want to be better and don't know how and what is really stopping you from achieving what you want because you're stuck in your own subjective opinion so you might benefit from getting other persons opinion too. Sometimes people need help in discovering some things.

 

I'm intolerant when it comes to intolerance (see my sig)

The fact is I am not a believer and God couldn't help me at all, but also I am not impolite enough to quote your saying about God, claiming how it's not a solution and how it helped no one I know. I am shure some people can benefit from faith a lot if they're believers so I am not in a position to claim it's worthless. Also a priest can help believers too, he can be their counsellor.

[Bethany]

I, myself, would ask to change that decision about being split until one of you moves out, right now you're both raw and it's causing unnecessary pain.

 

Speaking as someone who has been married for 18 years I think there is still hope here but you need a lot more talking and to forgive, not only each other, but yourselves. Only then you can move on from this into happiness.