Boyfriend still wants to be close to ex.

[Cecil de Volange]

Hi, Cecil de volange is here.

 

I have a problem with my boyfriend of almost 2 years (1 year and 4 months). Before we started being boyfirned and girlfriend, he was with his ex-girlfirned for almost three years, then after that she did something terribel, like having sex with his boss. He was traumatized and of course he did one of those "I hate you! No, nevermind I want you back and sure a second chance? why not?" He gave her a second chance and then she cheated again and left him for this black guy. He was lusting over her and would do anything to get her back. He did this for 11 months until I pop in the picture.

 

I just got out of a bad relationship and he was too. We have known each other since 8th grade and I like him. He was flattered and he thought i was very beautiful. During our relationship I was having difficulty with him hanging out with her or even calling her. I told that I dont feel comfortable because i just dont see this as normal and a part of still thinks he loves her, but I must understand because he said she was his best friend (who had sex with his boss). I ignored everything and he even wants me and her to be friends. This girl doesn't like me, she has talk behind my back before, but I do it for him. This went on for two months, I tried being friends, hanging out wit her, but I feel like a third wheel. I feel ignored being with them (like us three having dinner). Next thing you know I snapped. I shouted at him saying this is unfair I am being hurt and you are not considerate over my feelings. He said I was over-reacting and that he will never let her go, because she is his best friend. I paused and my heart ache. He chose her over me. (I have been hurt before I became his GF but I dont want to be a second person in his life.)

 

He did finally decided to let her go and said "ok, my gf is getting hurt you have to understand k, good luck with your life." She would still call even though he said no. I know she was doing that to piss me off, but I was wounded already....I dont trust him anymore. I would still say "Why because Im not Her?" "What does she have that I dont have!?" I would be mad at him about her even though she doesn't even exists in our relationship. Next thing you know he started talking to her again, then decided to stop talking to her because she was making him angry. (I was happy, but that was his decision, I didn't intervine at all at this part).

 

They didn't talk for 3 or 4 months, then he needed space. An old friend of mine called (he stil has a crush on me). My friend wanted to hang-out, because he heard about andrew space thing, My boyfriend found out and didn't like the idea so I didn't hang out with him to respect my boyfriends feelings. All of a sudden he said his having dinner with his ex. I didn't know about it. He told me last minute, then I said so its ok for you to hang out with her and not me hanging out with my friend. He said he doesn't care. I was hurt....like he know this would hurts me. I was depress and hating on both of them.

 

I hanged out with my friend without his permission, because it was unfair.(He feels threatened that my friend will steal me from him, which is not possible because this guy is like a brother to me). I was having a blast becaue I dont have to think about him.

 

The next morning, he told me she got pregnant and didn't know she was pregnant until the fourth month (weird....). She said "Umm...im not having my period for almost 4 months ,wat?" then she said her boyfriend switch her birth control to placeabo, but thats impossible cuz birth controls are in bubble packs, unless there are other kinds. He said she got a miscarrieage and stuff. I was hurt still and this relationship is done..OVER

 

I just feel he prefers her over me. his always defending her, always happy to see her and I feel like a rebound girl. He said he loves me and that I am more beautiful than her cuz she is fat now, but they were together for three years. He always defends her and its like his protecting her everytime I say something about her. Like am I wrong to feel like this???? What should i do? I want to leave him, but I love him although I know the decision is I must leave him. Help! some advice please

 

---Cecil

[Aschleigh]

Run, don't walk away from this guy. He had boundarie probelms that will show up in other facets of your relationship. I had this with my ex and his ex and we broke up and he still talks to his ex weekly. It's not worth the trouble. It will be like banging your head against a wall. Which I did for too long so you don't have to at all.

[Boughs]

Eep poor guy, he's messed up. Let him go be messed up alone.

[Karhu]

he can mess up his own life, but he shouldent mess up your life.

Time for a clean start!

[Belle]

Cecil,

 

First thing. If you ever find yourself asking what she has that you don't have, you should be headed for the door. I would never put myself through that.

 

He has double standards and you almost let him. Glad you went out with your friend. He can't have it all his way.

 

My advice, you need to drop this . He's extremely immature and yes, he is still in love with his ex. No one else would act the way he's acting. Let him go back to her so she can screw every other guy he knows. Apparently, he doesn't want a normal girl that can treat him well. He needs someone who'll treat him like crap.

[Cecil de Volange]

thank you everyone for the advice. I guess that I am just using a defense mechanism to my problem that everything is alright, but it isn't. Thank you. I know what to do now and that is to move on with my life.