He won't have sex with me anymore

[lost911]

my boyfriend and i have a 6 month old daughter and just moved in together a couple of months ago. we've been together for over two years and sex has never been a problem. everything with us was fine for a few weeks, but now, he doesn't seem interested in me at all.

he was the one who always initiated sex before, but now.. absolutely nothing. when i try to initiate it, he shoots me down. even if i offer him a blow job, he doesn't want that, which makes me feel even worse, since he loves getting them and even if he didn't want to screw before, he would always be up and ready for a bj.

i've asked him what is wrong, and if he's still attracted to me, and he says yes. he just always has an excuse for not wanting it. i'm starting to wonder if he really isn't attracted to me, or if it's living together that makes me less desireable. i don't think that it's the baby, because after we had her, our sex life was still normal.

i'm sexually frustrated and would like some opinions on what's going on, since he's not telling me.

[melrich]

Is there anything else going on in his life at the moment? Added stresses at home or work? How is he coping with being a new father?

[Scotcha]

Having sex with a mommy and having sex with a mommy you live with are two very different things. Also, the role of being a father might be more real now. He might be having a hard time making the adjustment.

 

I was wondering.. Are you breast feeding?

 

Perhaps he is worried about the baby hearing you guys?

[anggrace]

Is he feeling stressed? Have you been getting along in all other areas?

[robowarrior]

The problem is that he doesn't want to have any more kids. He hasn't talked about it, but a child for him feels emotionally as a very heavy burden, and to add another burden to it by (he thinks you'd get pregnant again) having another kid because you want to have sex with him, is the reason why he blows you off, even for a bj he thinks that it will result in full blown sex, and having kids again.

 

So basically there's nothing wrong with you. Its just that it results for him in a more difficult life, well that's at least my take on it.

[scarew]

Um... I don't know if I would jump right to a conclusion like that robo, although it is possible for sure.

 

Maybe you are asking him at awkward times. I know my hubby can't just up and hump 'em at any given moment. If he is stressed or in a hurry its just not going to happen. But after he is relaxed and settled down from work, I can certainly count on him.

 

I think you need to talk about this with him further, and more directly if you are really concerned about it. But first, a couple questions: Has your sex life completley shut down? Or just become minimal? If the latter, at what times DOES he feel like having sex? Does he still engage in flirtatious sexual behavior around the house? (Slap your but, make sexual comments, etc)

[annie24]

Having sex with a mommy and having sex with a mommy you live with are two very different things. Also, the role of being a father might be more real now. He might be having a hard time making the adjustment.

 

I was wondering.. Are you breast feeding?

 

Perhaps he is worried about the baby hearing you guys?

 

I was thinking something along the sames lines also..... and also what melrich was saying, is he stressed at work?

 

do you think he is a little "weirded out" that a baby came out of ... well, where he used to have sex! I don't know, maybe he is having a hard time making that connection.....

 

is he stressed about money, making ends meet, especially with the baby here now?

[lost911]

i don't think he's stressed. if he was he wouldn't talk to me about it. he's the type of person who thinks that if you have problems you should keep them to yourself.

that's another problem i'm having with him. i put myself right out there all the time, and completely believe in sharing feelings and talking and sorting out problems, but he is the complete opposite of that. So it makes me feel even more stuck.

before we moved in together, i gave it alot of thought and second guessed the desision of living with him, but now i'm starting to think that it might not have been the best decision. He won't tell me anything, and i find that i'm unhappy with our sex life, and our communication. i can be happy with one or the other, but not both.

[StillClimbing]

I'm sorry to suggest it but could he be getting sex elsewhere?

[spirits]

He won't tell me anything

 

 

I'm kinda like that too in real life. But I'm only like that if i know that what i get back when i open up is criticism or so called constructive advice when clearly I don't need it.

 

If you didn't do either of the above, then he may be naturally a very introverted guy and you'd help him a lot by encouraging him to speak his mind more often.