Dealing with Office Bully

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I'm in desparate need of advice on how to deal with a situation at work.

 

I work in a very small office (6 people) with a woman who flies off the handle every chance she gets. Pretty much the entire office walks on eggshells around her when she gets in a "mood". She is a VP so she does hold a position of authority.

 

Friday, she flipped on me... cursing...telling me i dont know how to do my job...etc etc.

 

I came in this morning and was greeted with a "good morning" from her ..i said good morning ...but just kinda dry ... like morning.. not to be rude ..cause that sets her off ...well she apparently she didn't like the way i said good morning either ..because she told me to "get over it" and then said .."lets go handle this now" and walked into our bosses office and said "looks like i need you now"

 

apparently, she gave him some story that i didn't complete a job well on friday and when she "had a talk" with me about it..i got upset. Which wasn't true.

 

she wouldn't let me talk..kept talking over me...finally my boss said that he needed to talk to us individually. After she left the room...he told me that he believed me and basically said "thats her..thats how she is and we've all basically learned to deal with it."

 

On a side note, she has had it out for this woman Natalie since the day i started and has pretty much made her life a living heck.

 

Well, needless to say i'm looking for a new job. I dont want to go to work everyday and wonder when i'm going to be verbally attacked.

 

My question is...in the meantime... how the heck do i deal with this woman? the office being so small... communication is necessary, i often will do little projects for her, and you never know what is going to set her off.

 

how do i keep my sanity while dealing with this woman?

[EvaGina]

EITHER:

1: Be as nice as pie... be overly sweet and watch her squirm as nothing she says gets to you

or

2: Complain, its not actually good enough that your boss tells you to deal with it, its his problem to sort out, so he should really be repremanding her.

[CluelessGuy321]

I've been in similar situations. Usually pigheaded women are the ones I have trouble with too....huh.

 

Well anyway, I dunno how the pay is, but I write a list of grievances about the person as well as defenses to anything they say about me, then I either attack back one day and that usually clears things up.

 

Else, when you quit, write an email that details why this woman is unprofessional, hard to work with, a detriment to the company, etc. and spam it out to her and everyone in the office so that all may know why you're quitting.

 

I think all you can really do is * * * * * about her to everyone else as a way to steam off, until you fnid another gig.

 

 

Edit:

 

Oh, and do use strong words (not curse words). "Office Bully" is a good one. "Hostile", "Uncooperative",etc.

[Bethany]

I have studied bullying in the workplace and the best sites I have seen so far are link removed and link removed which are workplace bullying sites. Both will help you learn ALLLL about her and how to handle her. Good Luck.

 

Read deeper into these sites and 'her' behaviour and you will be jaw-droppingly amazed!!

[SuperDave71]

When she's not looking...Duct tape her to the floor....and walk out on your lunch break ONLY after finding a new job!

 

 

SuperDave71

[DN]

EITHER:

1: Be as nice as pie... be overly sweet and watch her squirm as nothing she says gets to you

or

2: Complain, its not actually good enough that your boss tells you to deal with it, its his problem to sort out, so he should really be repremanding her.

I agree with this - especially the second part. Write a letter to the boss detailing what happened and what was said at the meeting. Tell him that her behaviour is getting to the point of harassment and if it continues you will be forced to make the complaint official.

[Bethany]

EITHER:

1: Be as nice as pie... be overly sweet and watch her squirm as nothing she says gets to you

or

2: Complain, its not actually good enough that your boss tells you to deal with it, its his problem to sort out, so he should really be repremanding her.

I agree with this - especially the second part. Write a letter to the boss detailing what happened and what was said at the meeting. Tell him that her behaviour is getting to the point of harassment and if it continues you will be forced to make the complaint official

 

Its not that easy, very often the bully will then turn to your other work colleagues and either pick on them OR turn them against you.

 

OR she will claim you are harassing her which is a good move on her part, it's called counter-attacking which most bullies do.

 

Speaking as a boss ... You can go to him and ask him to speak to the woman, and then if she bullies you again, you will have to start a grievance against her which can go on for over a year i.e verbal warning, written warning, final warning etc before she is fired, by that time she has upped the stakes and made your life hell for so long, you will probably quit just to get away from her.

 

Speaking as a Union Rep...If you really want to go down the grievance route, then you need to record all bullying incidents, the date, the time, what happened, how she made you feel as you will need "substansive and quantifiable" evidence, preferably witnesses too and a strong nerve or you quite frankly are wasting your time.

[Scout]

What an unpleasant situation! I would be frustrated with her boss's response, as well. At any rate, there is an article on MSNBC right now that talks about bully bosses. Maybe there's some advice in it that might be useful to you: link removed

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Thank you everyone for all your responses...

 

Although the best response thus far was the duct tape... =) i dont think thats an option right now.

 

I have already begun documenting what has happened- i'm keeping a diary so to speak.

 

That article was great.... they pretty much described my boss..unfortunately, i never had an opportunity to approach her.... she pulled me into our bosses office and he is aware of the problem and so is she but she denies denies denies.

 

I don't plan on being there for very long..i have my resume out already and have already received calls from some very good companies... so i think that in the end this will be a good thing.

 

I just don't know how i'm going to deal from now until i get a new job. I can't have her speaking to me the way she did on Friday- it shook me up pretty badly.

 

I dont want to feel that way again....I don't how to not let her get to me.

[adahy]

Bullies usually have gross insecurities...find it. As it relates to the workplace, women often fill that role...toward both men and women. Men do it too, but I've found women to delight in it more. They like to be "catty". She likely can't control her husband or other aspects of her life, so you fill the void. Whatever it is, find her weakness and set her up. Never let it show that she gets to you, she delights in that. Be cool always, even with the boss (that doesn't mean kissing though...just calculating). It sounds like your boss knows, but often it's hard to get rid of people likes this even though they're destructive. It just takes the right situation. It's not that hard to get to someone...and people with a strong "front" are usually the easiest to unravel. Be smart and take this woman down. Then laugh about it later.

[CluelessGuy321]

Then don't take it.

 

Tell her off. Tell her about her distorted actions and thoughts, tell her about how her attitude is a mental and emotional drain, tell her how her presense makes every day a day in hell.

 

 

All these people do is give you a paycheck. It's not worth the mental distress.

 

And don't let her talk over you. If she does, just stare at her and ask her when she is done spouting.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i had a boss who was a master at dealing with bullies... he would combine very arrogant body language, while at the same time just staring them down, making no comments or responses at all (just repeating something like, 'yes', and 'really?' and 'you don't say?', and refuse to be baited and just let the bully just windbag down...

 

he would sit in his chair, kick it back and put his hands behind his head like he wasn't even listening, just daydreaming, and let the bully gas away... bullies need something to push against, and if you just stare at them and give them absolutely NO feedback as to your emotions, then it unnerves them. keep in mind they WANT to fight and get a reaction from you, either anger, or fear, but if you are a blank slate, it just makes them look foolish.

 

so let her gas away at you, and stare at the tip of her nose like she has a fly sitting there, or off into space and think about how inconvenient it will be for her when you quit!

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

trust me i would LOVE to have this reaction... but i'm not accustomed to being cursed and yelled at while i'm at work... or anywhere for that matter.... so my reaction is often of shock and then fear- i dont know how to get into that frame of mind- especially when i'm caught so off guard.