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Into...or not into....that is the question :P


darkpumpkin

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Ok guys here's a question to blow your mind lol. Nah really it's the age old question of how do you know when a guy is just not into you.

 

(*I've already read the book but when you are actually in the relationship what are some signs)

 

See I think I make myself believe that my guy isn't into me when he doesn't write back or call. Really he has done nothing but shown how much he's willing to do for me and with me. So maybe if you guys give me some suggestions or signs of experiance when you have been with someone and they just aren't into the relationship I'll be able to screw my head on straight and stop thinking so negative.

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One of the first questions I ask girls is if they've read "the rules" and "he's just not that into you". I tend to shy away from the girls who have, they seem to be more manipulitive and judging everythign that happens as either a sign that I may be losing interest or that they are losing the control in the relationship. Relationships are supposed to be fun, not about control and manipulation.

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lol, i've read both those books!

 

is it a sign of disinterst if he doesn't return 1 phone call? probably not. what about 3 unreturned phone calls? hm....? what about if you are spending more time worried about him rather than enjoying the relationship? that is a bad sign. If the relationship frequently makes you cry or question yourself, it's probably a sign that there is something not right there. (And by the way, that is practically straight out of "He's just not that into you." )

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Eurika! lol ya fact is he's never gone more then a day of not contacting me. He makes plans for the future and all that good stuff. So I guess my second question is what makes a guy afraid of a relationship? I mean one a girl is being loving why does he feel the need to back up with both hands and go....ahhh I love you but space please.

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In my personal experience there is a drop off in the level of enthusiasm overall whether on the phone or in person, longer response times to phone calls without an explanation, less eager to make plans. In my 1.5 year relationship the only times (and these are rare times) that he hasn't returned a phone call where I thought he could have was where he ended up in a business meeting or dinner that went far longer than he had expected, when his cell signal wasn't working or when there was an emergency. He always apologizes for not returning the call when he either said he would or when it was later than his typical routine or response time.

 

Whenever I have had a sense of a man starting to distance himself from the relationship, I have been right and I only date very busy men. I always could sense the difference between legitimately too busy and "just not that into me."

 

Of course it also depends on whether the other person is too needy/clingy. I know when I am being that way or when I feel that way and at those times my expectations of him being there for me might vary.

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what is going on that you are worried about?

 

not that my relationships are exactly ideal (far from it!) but I am trying to learn from my mistakes..... if a guy seems kind of .... stressy.... do the same thing you would with a female friend.... just give them a few days to take care of their work/school, and give them a call and say, "hey - how's it going?"

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One of the first questions I ask girls is if they've read "the rules" and "he's just not that into you". I tend to shy away from the girls who have, they seem to be more manipulitive and judging everythign that happens as either a sign that I may be losing interest or that they are losing the control in the relationship. Relationships are supposed to be fun, not about control and manipulation.

 

hear, hear buddy. Besides weren't both those books written by women? Talk about the blind leading the blind. Also weren't those books written in order to sell books? One doesn't sell books that tell people "the sky is blue", they already know that. One sells books by coming up with original ideas - right or wrong ones!

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hear, hear buddy. Besides weren't both those books written by women? Talk about the blind leading the blind. Also weren't those books written in order to sell books? One doesn't sell books that tell people "the sky is blue", they already know that. One sells books by coming up with original ideas - right or wrong ones!

 

he's just not that into you was written by 2 people, a man and a woman.

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Actually, I do really like the "He's just not that into you" book. It is common sense, but not all people are born with common sense! I sure wasn't!!! The book is really targeted at women who think, "Oh, he loves me, but he's just never returns my calls and never asks me out and doesn't want to have sex with me because he's shy...." (I have to admit, I have had such delusions too when I was younger )

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lol Clementine orange I know for a fact one of those books was written by a man "he's just not that into you".

 

annie 24- what I'm stressing about is that he seem very into me. Calls, makes plans, emails and then it will just stop. It's either like he's sick of me or he gets scared. We broke up before and one of the reasons was this (also how I reacted, which was not at all positive) I don't feel the same I mean hell now a days he doesn't call and I basically think whatever but I just wonder if when he gets scared or paranoid about us he backs away or lol as I said just not that into me.

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annie 24- what I'm stressing about is that he seem very into me. Calls, makes plans, emails and then it will just stop. It's either like he's sick of me or he gets scared. We broke up before and one of the reasons was this (also how I reacted, which was not at all positive) I don't feel the same I mean hell now a days he doesn't call and I basically think whatever but I just wonder if when he gets scared or paranoid about us he backs away or lol as I said just not that into me.

 

Ah..... there is another book you should read, "Mars and Venus on a Date" by John Grey. He has a good chapter on "uncertainty."

 

Bascially, instead of sitting by the phone and wondering why he isn't calling you or what he is thinking, you should be spending time wondering how you feel about HIM. Do you like him? do you like his values? do you have fun with him? Continue your life as normal. If you met a new female friend, would you obsess over whether or not she is calling you? probably not. I know it is hard (i have a hard time with it too sometimes!) but try to focus on yourself during this time and not on him. You have plenty going on in your life, he is not the only man, so stop acting like he is the last man on the planet. if it works it works, if it doesn't, oh well..... there are plenty of men out there, don't get so fixated on any one guy until the relationship turns serious.

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Lol see we did turn seriouse and then we broke up. lol I read that book to. That's why I think this is uncertaintly phase for him. Actually a lot that was in that book I could relate to the relationship I have with him. I am filling my life with other things at the moment. I never want to base my happiness or my fun on one person. I know how I feel about him this moment and I'm ok with where we are at.

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well.... by "serious", I mean engaged, not just exclusive. In any case, I think you know what you need to do, so just follow your inner advice. Don't worry about this guy one way or the other, see how things unfold. You are young and he's not the only guy out there.

 

It sounds like you two broke up in the first place because you were "stressing" too much (and it's good he told you that!), so a good thing you could do this time around is just kind of relax and let the relationship unfold as it will.

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lol Clementine orange I know for a fact one of those books was written by a man "he's just not that into you".

 

annie 24- what I'm stressing about is that he seem very into me. Calls, makes plans, emails and then it will just stop. It's either like he's sick of me or he gets scared. We broke up before and one of the reasons was this (also how I reacted, which was not at all positive) I don't feel the same I mean hell now a days he doesn't call and I basically think whatever but I just wonder if when he gets scared or paranoid about us he backs away or lol as I said just not that into me.

 

I don't think it matters "why" - if he never changes, are you call with this back and forth/hot and cold behavior? When you are engaged? married? parents? It's fine to be scared but to react by not calling you or behaving inconsistently - not fine, at least in my opinion.

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