Honesty?!

[FrancisHouseman]

thank you for your feedback, i had to remove it, you never know..

 

thank you everyone

[candycoating]

ouch! that would hurt me also, I dont know if im rite but I would say hes being selfish! its all about him how he feels. What bout how you feel?! you said it over n over you dont like to know so why cant he get that thru hes head?! all I see him saying well I I I I I I I want to be honest I I I I/ what about you you you. I think hes selfish he dosent care how you feel, if its making u depressed and its bring you down, tell him that and if he cant understand or respect your feelings. I say leave him. If he cant respect your feelings why would he respect you in other ways?

[Batya33]

This has nothing to do with honesty. It has to do with his tactlessness and with your opening the door to these unnecessary facts about his past by asking questions. Honesty in a relationship does not mean telling all - it means being honest about what is said and not misleading through omission. He should refuse to answer your questions and you need to stop subjecting him to your insecurities.

[sambox2000]

Hi, as a former "player", I must say: He exactley knows what he is doing.

In order to keep a women intrested and make her madly fall in love with him, a player uses competition.He wants to say that is is doing you a favour by being with you. Jelousy when used correctly can be a very powerful tool.

Moreover, the scoring thing is also a guy thing, he wants to make you intrested in his opinion ( all girls want to be 10 out of 10), noone wants to know that the girl in the bus stop looks more attractive and might steal her boyfriend.

Also, he uses push and pull with you, this theory suggests that he first shows intrest and affection and than behaves in a way that he does not care about you and it is working.

he has you in a trap and the more sensetivity you show the more he will enjoy it and the more he knows that u won't leave him and that you are his.

I would love to explain to you more what he is doing ( but I keep it short).

the solution to all this is to play his own game.

You as a women have a powereful tool and that is Sex. use it in your favour.

First, never ask him if he loves you more ( pretend you don't care), when he is around , try to do something else, watch a movie, read a book ( pretend the book is more intresting). And You can use what we call * * * * tests. This tests are like traps. * * * * tests can be canceling dates on the last second, to see his reaction or talking about the fact that you are thinking to moving to a new city ( just to test his reaction) and etc....

If you need help, let me know, I am really good at this.

 

 

Sam

[Jayar]

Sam is right... You are falling right into his trap. Just for a second, try to convince yourself that YOU just might be the catch in this relationship, and live like it. Confident, secure women don't have guys walking all over them like this.

[needopinions]

sambox2000 has some very good points.

 

even the smallest things can make them think...when my boyfriend and I watch tv we always sit together...last night I wanted to read a magazine so i sat on the other end of the couch near the light...you should have seen the look on his face...like he thought i didn't want to sit with him...and of course he made a comment to that affect too.

[StillClimbing]

Oh, you poor thing.

 

He is not the great guy you think he is. He sounds VERY immature, manipulative and insincere. He is creating all kinds of insecurities for you to make himself feel great. It also has the added bonus that it makes you want him more.

 

Francis, you need a guy who wants to shower you with affection and tell you how much you mean to him, not abuse you with facts about his ex! That is absurd!

 

 

You need to learn to be assertive and stand up for yourself. Sam had mentioened cancelling dates and not giving him sex. These are probably quite effective tactics, but truthfully, they are not any better than his childish behavior. If you want a mature, loving relationship, you have to set the standard.

 

That means straight-forward communication of your expectations and sticking to your guns to enforce them!Here is what you need to do:

 

 

Draw the line, set some boundaries on what you will/not tolerate!!!

a. he may not speak of his ex

b. he may not use the "rating" scale towards any woman in your presense

c. no more talking about other women to get you jealous

d. whatver else hurts you

 

 

YOU HAVE LEVERAGE HERE TO ENFORCE THESE RULES!

Your leverage is yourself. He obviously wants you around or else he would not be there. So if he does not comply with your standards, then you must break things off. You can not be wish-washy here. Think of it this way, if this man wants to marry you and be the father of your children, is this how you would want him to speak in front of them? NO!

 

Don't settle for this ridiculous behavior. He does not show that he loves you this way. He needs to be taught a difficult lesson.

[StillClimbing]

thank you for your feedback, i had to remove it, you never know..

 

thank you everyone

 

so i guess that means you are not going to stand up for yourself. shame. i almost think it would have been good for him to find it, since you don't have the guts to tell him what you really feel.

 

LADIES: the reason men behave poorly is because we let them. Sad.

[FrancisHouseman]

Ps: he isnt 'playing' me we live together, we have been together nearly 2 years and have a house together and a joint bank account. Its not like he is trying to treat me mean to keep me keen! if anything he treats me amazing its just the honesty!

[Batya33]

Ps: he isnt 'playing' me we live together, we have been together nearly 2 years and have a house together and a joint bank account. Its not like he is trying to treat me mean to keep me keen! if anything he treats me amazing its just the honesty!

 

The longer you refer to it as "honesty" as opposed to "tactlessness" or similar the longer it will take for you to address this issue directly.

 

I would be very careful about having a joint bank account with someone you are not married to.

[StillClimbing]

Francis-

There was no sarcasm intended at all! From what I had read in your previous post, it sounded like a bad situation and my heart went out to you. I took time out of my day to respond to you at length becuase I truly felt for you. I was disappointed to see your last post because I worried you were in a bad situation.

 

Now that you have included all the positive sides of him and given his statements more context, he does not sound like a bad guy!

 

I wish you the best of luck with this man and for your future.

[FrancisHouseman]

Thank you, Im sorry if i sounded angry in my last message, I guess i just got overly defensive.

 

Thank you for your advice and concern.

 

x