What does this look like to you?

[IntoTheFire]

I work with a girl who is semi-openly bisexual (she has no problems talking to me about a girl she used to see etc, but doesn't make it public news to everyone else) and when we went out last weekend "1 beer" turned into more like 100 beers, and we ended up pretty drunk and in a gay club that isn't exclusively for gay people - if you're straight you'll have no problems getting in. Anyway, in the club they have an upstairs-downstairs arrangement and with the dancefloor being downstairs, it's alot quieter upstairs. We sat upstairs most of the night as we were both utterly exhausted from work (we worked 11hrs that day).

 

Anyway, we were upstairs sitting on a big comfortable sofa thing, and because I was so, so tired and pretty drunk it seemed like there wasn't a big issue for me to put my head on her shoulder while saying how tired I was. I could literally feel myself falling asleep, so I kept snapping my eyes open, cos despite the music I probably could have slept right there! It wasn't a problem at all, and before I knew it she was moving my hair out of my face, stroking my forearm etc. Also when I had closed my eyes for a few seconds and opened them, I caught her just kinda looking straight at me more than once. That (inevatably?) turned into us kissing. Not all night; just once or twice.

 

We left the club soon after as it was almost closing time and we had work at 9.30 the next morning. We kinda walked around, as you do when you're drunk, looking for a taxi for a while and she was being pretty open about what she thinks of me. She said she thinks about me alot when I'm not around, and although I kept waiting for a big "but..." to come, she said there wasn't any "but", "however", or "although". She seemed very sincere at the time, from what I remember.

 

As I said, we were working really early the next morning so grabbed a taxi as fast as we could and I dropped her at her place just before going to mine. In the taxi home she was holding my hand in her's.

 

I haven't spoken to her the last couple of days properly as she has been ill, but I will see her in work in a couple of days, and I wonder what kind of thing I should expect from her?

 

For you guys, taking a neutral view on the whole situation, what do you think?

 

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Sorry for the essay, guys.

 

I'll shut up now. Thanks in advance, and any/all opinions are much appreciated

[Iceman26]

I'd say it sounds like she is interested in you. Do you want something to happen with her?

[Clementine orange]

It sounds like she's interested. She might be a bit worried that you two work together though - I know I would be.

[musicguy]

do you think she likes you or was the alcohol helping with these actions between you two

[IntoTheFire]

Iceman26: Yeah, I do. Before now I just assumed she'd never really be interested, but after she showed she clearly was, it makes me more interested now too.

 

Clementine orange: I'm not sure what she thinks about the working-together thing. I don't see it being a huge issue from my point of view. You're right though, for alot of people it is a factor.

 

musicguy: It worries me to think that it was purely alcohol-induced as I do like her. Something tells me that it wasn't only the alcohol to make her do it. She was less drunk than I was, and I texted her the next morning (she didn't come to work - slept through her alarm and woke up a few hours into the shift) and said we should talk about it all, which she agreed to do, and she didn't seem uncertain or unwilling to do it. We didn't talk in the end as we couldn't make time for it, but we will definitely do it on Wednesday when I see her next.

[musicguy]

okay, well, yeah, talk it out and go from there

[IntoTheFire]

I wonder if it's the right idea to just ask her straight if she meant what she said last week? Am I supposed to ease into it, or just get straight in and find out what she thinks?

 

If you were me, personally, how would you approach the whole thing?

Bonus points for you if you give me a word-by-word sample of what you'd say

 

Thanks again, guys.

[musicguy]

Being that I'm a shy guy, I'd probably be like "uhh" lol

 

"so (insert name here) did you have a fun time at the club?

 

talk, talk, talk,

 

"So I really like you and I had a good time with you, soo how do you feel about me"

 

I dunno, something like that.

[IntoTheFire]

I was thinking about doing it the subtle way, but on second thought we actually covered the "I really like you" stuff at the weekend. She said something about how she always has fun being around me, really likes spending time with me, and as I said before, she mentioned that she thinks about me when I'm not around.

 

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this before? I haven't, and I'm feeling a bit more clueless by the minute.

[Iceman26]

I'd say ask her to go out with you again and see what happens.

[Cadence308]

It sounds like your bi-sexual friend has feelings for you and has been too scared to act on them until the night the two of you went out. I would definitely act on it if I were you and you are interested. However, you didn't say anything in your thread about how you feel about her and if you want to be with her.

 

One thing that I would caution against is only kissing het, etc. when you have been drinking. I would talk to her about her feelings when she is sober and see if she still feels the same. A good way to bring it up would be to mention that night and the things she said and ask her if she meant what she said and go from there.

 

GL and keep us posted!

[IntoTheFire]

It sounds like your bi-sexual friend has feelings for you and has been too scared to act on them until the night the two of you went out. I would definitely act on it if I were you and you are interested. However, you didn't say anything in your thread about how you feel about her and if you want to be with her.

 

One thing that I would caution against is only kissing het, etc. when you have been drinking. I would talk to her about her feelings when she is sober and see if she still feels the same. A good way to bring it up would be to mention that night and the things she said and ask her if she meant what she said and go from there.

 

GL and keep us posted!

 

 

My first thought was that she has been feeling like she does for a little while (I've only known her a couple of months) as she has mentioned things in the past randomly like "I was watching this show last night and thought about how you were only a kid when it was on tv" (I'm 3 years younger than her) so I think she was telling the truth about how she thinks of me when I'm not around etc.

 

As for how I feel about it, hearing that she likes me and stuff makes me like her alot more than I did before last weekend. Before last weekend it had crossed my mind, but only in a "God, she's really, really pretty" type way as I never imagined anything could come of it.

As I said before, I was alot more drunk than she was, and I felt like everything I said kinda came out in a jumbled slur, so I kept relatively quiet and listened to everything she had to say first. I suppose I didn't respond much to her, but at the time I just felt like she deserved to hear something a bit better than a mixture of words and me trying to correct my grammar/sentences for 10 mins. I'll definitely explain why I didn't respond much when we speak in a couple of days.

 

I definitely agree that it's not a good idea to only kiss her when we've been drinking. That's too easy and not something I want from her. I want more. She's too good for just a random kiss every so often. I think if that was the arrangement I'd feel like we were both missing out on something better and letting it slip through our fingers.

 

I'm not worried at all about talking to her about this. I can say pretty much anything to her and feel absolutely fine about it. No worries there.

The only thing that does worry me is the fact that she might say "yeah, sorry, I was wasted and didn't mean a word of it".

 

I can't work out how likely that is to happen as she wasn't as drunk as I was, was speaking coherently and in proper sentences, and she DID initiate the over-touching (ie the hair thing, the arm thing etc.)

 

 

[scarew]

Well, I don't that its a BAD idea to drink the next time you are together. Actually I agree with iceman, invite her out again and see what happens. I think if something kind of results from that again or you even just have a good time together, talk to her about it after that.

 

I don't know, its obviously ones personal choice, but I'm a fan of putting off the "talk" until you have hung out a couple times together. It takes the pressure off. Invite her to another gay bar just as the two of you. Like a date but casual.

 

IMO, she is definetly interested and I don't think that it was entirley the booze talking unless she was so drunk to a point of blackout.

[IntoTheFire]

scarew - I definitely don't believe it was only the alcohol talking. As I said before, she seemed alot more sober than I was (in my case it was a combo of being tired and not eating properly that day that made me super-drunk) and she had completely coherent sentences and wasn't falling over or acting extremely wasted.

 

I find now that she's on my mind all the time (hence me posting this on the site) and I do want to talk to her about it and see if she meant it or whatever. I'm just pretty scared that she didn't. I'm in 2 minds with it. Like a rollercoaster, one minute I'm like "Yeah, it wasn't purely alcohol talking, she meant what she said" then I'm like "Okay, maybe it was alcohol-influenced", then I'm like "Of course it was alcohol influenced, it had to be", then I go back to thinking she meant it all over again.

[Deviant_Kate]

scarew - I definitely don't believe it was only the alcohol talking. As I said before, she seemed alot more sober than I was (in my case it was a combo of being tired and not eating properly that day that made me super-drunk) and she had completely coherent sentences and wasn't falling over or acting extremely wasted.

 

Maybe she just thought that you would be easier to talk to since YOU were so drunk. Which, of course, implies that her words were not alcohol induced. I think she meant everything she said and did, but I don't know if you want to directly confront her about things and dissect every little detail of the other night and the things that were said. Just continue hanging out and let things progress naturally - ask her out to dinner and make it clear that you'd like it to be a real date. You don't have to sit down and say "did you mean what you said?" for things to progress in a romantic direction.

[IntoTheFire]

Deviant_Kate: Yeah. It's been a good few days since this happened and since she's been not too well I've had alot of time to think about every possible reason and scenario around the events of last weekend. Your point about her thinking it was easier to bring up since I was wasted has certainly crossed my mind more than once. I'm not really concerned about what prompted her to do it. All that concerns me is the sincerity of it all, where we are supposed to go from here, how I should approach it tomorrow with her, if there is anything "more" there.

 

I guess time will tell...