I'm screwed

[renaissancewoman101]

My parents are somewhat cutting me off in a month. They are really mad at me that I dont have my act together (aka have a job) and they are not happy with what I am getting my masters in (aka teaching). I don't know how to manage money really well and not having a job really did a number on me and my finances.

 

Last night I had a huge blowout argument with BOTH my parents over my need for money. I really NEED their help and they both yelled at me last night for being irresponsible and not getting a job, etc. I got myself into a real jam this past week and needed their help quickly. They are going to help me out of this jam, I think, but they are tired of helping me out (I only really needed their help when I moved out here last year, before that I was able to be somewhat self-sufficent).

 

They've pretty much told me that I need to get my act together and find a decent, well-paying job and that they are halving my support by the end of the month, which will mean that I wont even have enough to pay my rent.

 

Crap! I dont know what to do.

 

I am not trying to whine but I am really scared. I dont know how to deal with life out here really well.

[hosswhispra]

Ren, this happened to my friend. And do you know what?

 

It was the best thing that happened to her/for her. She struggled and at times wondered if she'd have enough to eat. But the situation propelled her to aggressively look for a job and she got one after a few months of numerous interviews. Not only did she get a job, but she got her independence and she grew up. I know that it may seem harsh what your parents are doing, but in the entire spectrum, they are giving you the best gift they can right now--motivation to get up and go!

 

My friend saved money from her job and just last night, told me last night that she got accepted to med school. She is moving to a different country and she can do this because she has her independence and she grew up.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Scary I know, but it will be okay. And if your parents see that you are honestly making an effort to sort out your finances, and be less reliant on them, they may ease off a little.

 

You need to work out a budget - an HONEST budget that you can stick to. How much do you have coming in, how much do you have going out. What's the shortfall? Then ask yourself some hard questions:

 

• What sort of job can you get?
  
• Can you do freelance work as well that will pay more?
  
• Where are you wasting money that you spend (eg car/taxis/food)
  
• Do you write down everything you spend? If not, do write down every little thing that you spend, and it will soon give you a picture
  
• Use cash not credit
  
• Eat cheaply - plan your meals in advance
  
• Think about what you can give up: your car?
  
• Think about what you can sell on ebay? And declutter at the same time, so added bonus!
  

 

You can do this, it will be okay. Just take a deep breath, and you you will be alright!

 

Plus I think you will feel really good about yourself to not be dependent on your parents any more.

[This Little Lady]

My sister went through the same thing. She ended up moving back home but it sounds like you don't want to do that.

 

Managing money is hard. Sometimes I think I'm not very good at it but in desperate times I can pull my * * * * together. My sister always advised me to save up alot of money before I move out. She said something like 5000 is in order.

 

Are you paying rent to your parents or are you living on your own?

[renaissancewoman101]

Hoss, did you friend ever worry about making rent, surviving, etc.?

 

It's so scary and I know I sound like I am griping, but I am really scared about all this and didn't think my parents would do this. They've been angry before but I've never seen my dad this angry before.

 

Right now I live on my own in an apt that my parents help me pay for. I am going to school part time.

 

When I first moved out here, I had a hard time adjusting to life out here and practically lived off my savings for the year and my parents helped me out with rent somewhat. When my savings ran out, I asked my parents to help me out aka support me and they were ok about it. Then I went back to school part time.

 

My parents are not happy about me going after a MA in teaching. They would rather I did what I did before which was tech writing since it paid well.

 

I've never been good at managing money, but when I lived in Wisconsin, I was able to pull my act together because I made good money and it was cheaper to live out there.

 

Now that I live in CA and everything is twice the cost of elsewhere, its hard.

 

I dunno.

[This Little Lady]

Honey Pumpkin is right. I like how she wrote out all of the options. It looks like the starting points of a plan. If you can make yourself a plan of action it might help you organize everything you have to do.

 

If you do have a car is there anyway you can take a bus from where you live. I take the bus to school almost everyday and it costs about 4$ both ways.

 

Cutting back on expenses is another good way to save money. My big sister used to be a smoker so that added to her expenses. There could also be other ways to stretch things like your food budget. I'm not sure how exactly. I try to make sure I buy the cheaper stuff most of the time.

 

I'm not sure if this helps you at all.

[Jetta]

Get even a part-time job but get something that pays so you can cover your rent, while completing your degree. Have you considered getting a roommate? That would help cover expenses. My mom said she used to share a 1 bedroom with a roommate (they each had their own twin size bed). link removed is good place to look.

[This Little Lady]

I know about that kind of stuff. I've been that poor.

 

Is there anyone you could stay with that wouldn't mind your company while you get back on your feet if you get evicted?

 

A brother or sister, friend, a relative?

[renaissancewoman101]

Yeah, you guys are giving me good ideas.

 

I do have some personal problems of my own that exaerbate my situation. I don't deal well with stress and I have a bad habit of spending money when I get stressed out. I overspend a lot.

 

I don't use credit cards much anymore since I got myself into a financial hole with those a few years ago and my parents helped dig me out of that.

 

Nowadays I spend cash through a debit card and I burn a lot of cash a month.

 

I do know where my financial pitfalls are. I eat out too much and I spend money on things I shouldnt, like expensive haircuts and such.

 

I dont manage money well and my parents don't think well of me at all.

[This Little Lady]

For debiting...take out like 100 at a time and try to make sure its at your bank. That way you aren't using your debit as often and your not paying more. Try so set an amount of spending money. Basically budget yourself. How much you should need for groceries? How much you will need throughout the week?

 

PUT YOUR CREDIT CARD IN THE FREEZER. Try never to use it, I always consider them to be deadly!

 

For stress. I've tried taking vitamins like B6 B12 folic acids. Or vitamins that help you deal with stress. They might help, they might not.

 

Does any of this help?

[Batya33]

I would look into Suzie Orman's books/dvds - a good investment- on how to manage your money better. I agree with the poster who believes that your parents' tough love is the right approach.

[This Little Lady]

If I may ask, what exactly are you stressing about?

[renaissancewoman101]

Jetta, I can't rent out my place. I LIVE in a studio that is crammed full of stuff. When I moved out here I downsized from a one bedroom to a studio apartment.

 

I am stressed out about money, about how my parents think of me, about what people think of me and about how I am going to make ends meet.

 

I've never been in this dire of a situation. It's always been when I needed help, my parents were there for me.

 

This freaks me out because budgeting is one of my worst nightmares. I don't budget really well. I can scrimp on one part of my life then blow a wad of money on another part.

 

I am so irregular.

[Jetta]

Oh I did this last year. It was the first time I lived alone in my adult life, I lost my job, started flipping out, cashed out my 401K, maxed out my credit cards, traveled, rented nice cars, and essicially was told I was schiozophrenic. The rammifications: Lost both my kids and now I'm staying at my mom's MN house until I get back on my feet (mentally and somewhat financially), she loaned me the money to file bankruptcy. I was under extreme stress for years and cracked.

 

You're way better off since you have a degree, make use of it. Maybe relocate to a less expensive state to live in.

 

Reason for the story. I understand stress spending. Now you may need to see a therapist to give you better methods of coping. Freezing the credit card is a good idea. You have to use your checks and go to the bank to get cash like they did in the 80's. You can write out checks that say cash for yourself. However take out increments because I can blow through cash quick. I just had a $100 and I remember about $50 of it (gas, a trip to Target).

 

Remember: Someone always has it worse. It could be worse. Those are two mantras I have to remind myself of regularly.

 

On more tip: Bring your lunch to work. You buy all your food at the grocery store (even treats) it's less expensive in the long run. Plus you may lose weight.

 

I've never been in this dire of a situation. It's always been when I needed help, my parents were there for me.

I understand.

[This Little Lady]

Everyone goes through these times. I think if the situation with your parents is making you unhappy. Sit down and talk with them. Tell them you have a plan of action and back ups if you need it. This will help you show them you have some inniative. And hopefully bring that stress level down.

 

I know it may seem hard to budget yourself. You may dread it. The best thing I find to do is if I'm out shopping is to only get what you absolutely need. Try to get the cheaper stuff. Whenever you are going to buy something ask yourself if you really need it. It might help you spend less.

 

Yeah the cashing cheques in is a good idea. Debit is lethal.

[hosswhispra]

Hoss, did you friend ever worry about making rent, surviving, etc.?

 

Yes, there were times where she was so hungry that she couldn't study (she went to school and she worked). Her parents moved back to their country and she lived here by herself. She didn't have a car and she had to take 1-2 buses just to get to her job. But she had faith and she persisted. I am very proud of her and she is an inspiration to me.

[TheRedQueen]

ren, I truly feel as though you're underestimating yourself.

 

Human beings (or rather all living things), are built to be survival machines. Even if your parents completely cut you off today, guess what, you'd ultimately find a way!

 

Enforced change can be scary, but the only way we can survive is to.... adapt.

[SuperDave71]

Ren,

 

 

Hey there. I am sorry you are having a tough time and I know that if you put you mind to it...you can make it happen. I know finance is a tough thing...it can be if you make it but what can't? You parents are not disappointed in YOU per se...they are upset at the fact that their little girl is not taking WOMANLY initiative.

 

You are an intelligent woman. You give wonderful support and advice here at eNotALone. You ned to buckle down and tell yourself..

 

"I can do anything I choose." Focus on what you want and need and then start putting a plan together. You can do this...Stop making excuses why you can't. If you continue to tell yourself you can't do something ..it will almost always happen that way. Change you thinking to "I can"...

 

YouR parents love you. They are just upset that THEY are taking on your financial burdens knowing that you are intelligent enough to get a job. My parents would do the same to me if I were in your shoes.

 

Baby birds get a push out of the nest....they either fly or fall. This is their way of pushing you (in a good way) to see if you can stand on your own two feet. I asked my father years ago for more money ( I was 17 ) to put gas in the car because it would suck it down at an astonishing rate and my job was not the best paying job ever. I really didn't go anywhere but to work and occasionaly out with friends. My job didn't pay too much and I ended up putting almost HALF my paycheck into the gas tank.

 

I asked my dad money to put in the gas tank and he said..

"You have a job...you can put gas in the car.." I said I could but it was eatting away almost half of my paycheck..." His response was "Then get another job...." I said "How in the hell am I supposed to get another job if I can't pay for gas to get to this one..." His response to me was one I will never forget...he said

 

 

"Take the bus".....

 

 

As livid as I was at the time...years later I reflected back on that statement and it has been one of the most valuable lessons I ever learned financially.

 

 

He was saying "if you want something bad enough...you will do anything you can to get it."

 

 

Turn that worry into postitivity and focus yor mind on what you want and need. If you turn panick into positive initiative....there is NOTHING you can achieve. I wish you well my friend and don't worry so much.

 

You are blessed enough with parents that DO care...

 

 

Take care of you,

 

 

SuperDave71

[Honey Pumpkin]

There are budget planners online:

link removed

 

It's okay, you can do this. I've been in debt myself, and someone made me sit down and face up to it. Really, you can do it. I would sell the car, myself, that's gotta be a huge drain. Also eating cheaply - as a student I used to LIVE on pasta and beans on toast etc. You can really cut back - loads of websites telling you how to cut corners and so on.

 

PLUS - you really feel a sense of achievement when you sort your finances out.

 

These tips are good:

 

link removed

 

They're from a show about how to reduce spending, it's got some good stuff.

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!

[LONESOUL]

This will end up being good for you Ren, if you begin to take some steps forward. You can do this! Independance is a wonderful thing!

[renaissancewoman101]

I have a break now for my class so decided to check the forum.

 

Thanks for all your ideas and words of support. I am going to need it. I am going to learn how to budget although I have practically NO money right now, so budgeting for that is not going to be easy.

 

Why do you guys think this is GOOD for me??? If I dont get my act together I can end up being homeless and not being able to survive. I am really scared about all this.

 

I'll adapt, I hope. It's so expensive to live out here.

 

I am 33, going to be 34 this year and budgeting and finances are one of my pitfalls in life.

[SuperDave71]

Ren...

 

If you can't see how this is NOT beneficial, I will worry about you. You are 33 years old. Think about it....you should have a clear understanding of why this is best. It's a sink or swim. You parents are not relying on you to make the best decisions any longer...they are taking action by forcing you to change for the better. NO ONE WANTS YOU TO BE HOMELESS by ANY MEANS!!!!! NO WAY!!

 

All we want is to see you take full responsibility for your OWN actions. You cannot expect mom and pop to "bail you out" of issues you created. If you bought something or have a bill that is growing ... turn off the service ... if you bought something...take it back...if you always think they will be there to pay for everything....the just proved you wrong.

 

If you don't have a job, full or part-time...and your spending is more than your take home...you will ALWAYS have a problem. Bite the bullet and find a job even if it is part time. SHOW your parents you are trying ..don't tell them.

 

No matter what you do in this life...you are responsible for it. Whatever you do, kife, love, job, relationships...etc etc..you are the one.

 

This is a way, your parents are forcing you to take full responsibility. How can you intend to have a relationship if your parents take car of your finances? How can you call yourself responsible if you can't see that they are right with their way of thinking. They love you...they want you to succeed. This is called TOUGH LOVE...

 

Your friend,

 

SuperDave71

[agent1607307371]

Why do you guys think this is GOOD for me??? If I dont get my act together I can end up being homeless and not being able to survive. I am really scared about all this.

 

I'll adapt, I hope. It's so expensive to live out here.

 

I am 33, going to be 34 this year and budgeting and finances are one of my pitfalls in life.

 

 

Because it is good for you.

 

You're a grown woman, you can't still be living off your parents. It will be a hard lesson, but there is no better feeling than being independent and able to control your life.

 

Look at it this way, do you really want your mum to have so much say in your life? If she's not funding it, she has no opinion you need to hear and you can tell her that.

[CluelessGuy321]

Heck, yeah California is expensive. Plus, there's public transportation.

 

Anyways, what kind of work have you been doing so far? It may be the case that you're going to have to reduce it to 1 class a semester and work a fulltime job.

 

 

Oddly, I was chewed out by my mom for not spending enough money. I'm pretty thoughful with money, and I guess I don't spend enough, so I had to acctually pay a few grand in taxes this year. It's like wasting money >_

[southerngirl]

Ren.

 

I am 29 years old and my mother is dead.

 

Theres no one for me to turn to to support me and my THREE CHILDREN. Sure, I chose to have them but I am their sole means of survival.. Me and my husband.

 

My step dad, is still my dad but I have no one. count your lucky stars that you hvae parents at 33 years old. You have no kids to support. You can do this.

 

Get a job, and go to school around it. GEt a full time day job and go to night school if you have to. I am sorry if this sounds harsh but you can and should be supporting yourself as an adult.

 

Back to my step dad. He is an engineer and makes lots of money. He lives in a very nice house and drives a porche... He worked fulltime and went to school at night and while schooling took him alot longer than it would have if he didnt have to work he had to do it and did. He's now got his masters degree and a pretty nice life for himself. He did this while raising children. You can do it... never underestimate yourself hon. You are limited to what you feel you are able to do. Don't be the first person to tell yourself NO... tell yourself Yes instead. When the door closes you keep walking till you find a window.