Jump to content

Give it to me straight

Recommended Posts

Talked to ex recently ...we had had extended NC, broken by him.


We started talking, flirting..he is seeing someone else.


We talked and i asked him if he was trying to mess with me or serious.


He said that he cant get over me, but has committment issues...even though he admits that theres no way i caused this...i never gave him a reason to feel bogged down.

Link to comment



Hi there....I will tell you straight that it sounds like if he has commitment issues, it wouldn't matter one way or the other. Despite him, POSSIBLY not liking the other girl so much, you sound like a safety-net waiting to happen. It's, from what I gathered, sounds like he wants to reap the benefits without the commitment. I seriously suggest that if he LOVES you....I used the word LOVE...not like....that he SHOWS YOU. Anyone that says they have commitment issues needs to work on those alone.


Why on earth would you want him to come back, only weeks down the road, tell you he wants to see other people when he already told you his problem. The other gril, God Bless her, has seriousuly nothing to do with it. He may not be able to get over you, but it sure sounds like he doesn't want to commit to you either.


Actions speaks louder than words.....


Hang in there and don't let his words change your mind...YOU BE YOU....



Your Friend,



Link to comment

I think he's being honest with you. He mentions that he is confused and appears a little overwhelmed with his feelings.


If you are looking for a comitted relationship with him again - he's said straight out to you that he can't give that. At least he's honest there too. So be careful if you are hoping for that.


But mainly - what do you feel about all of it? Excited? Confused? Annoyed? Happy? Your thoughts?

Link to comment

Listen to SuperDave, go "no contact".. Because it's time for you to set some standards and values for your own life and actually choose to live within these standards... because as long as you are willing to be in touch with him while he IS SEEING someone else, then you are lowering your own standards as to "how he fits into YOUR life"... and if you want a man who respects you and knows he has to make an intentional sincere exclusive effort to win your heart? Then you have to respect YOURSELF enough to not be "in contact" with a guy who is dating someone else.


Do you find it respectful that he's seeing her and still calling you and saying things like "I can't get over you, but I have commitment issues".. is this behavior on his part something you admire, respect, and cherish about him?


Because honestly it's got "YUK" written all over it... He's seeing her, and calling you, and remember as the saying goes, "If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you".. meaning that I'm sure he says many a sweet encouraging yet non-comittal things to "her" as well..


and you can lovingly in a firm way say to him: "I know you'd like to be in contact, but it just isn't feeling "right" to me, so please respectfully do not contact me again unless you discover that you want to make an intentional effort to work on us as an exlusive couple, okay, I'm sure you can understand."


By choosing to have the above standard and value for yourself, will attract people who choose to value YOU in the same way into your life.. and you'd be giving your ex the "opportunity" to either rise to the occasion and be a respectful loving man in your life, or he will just keep his "woe is me, I can't committ, can't do this, can't do that, but keep believing in me.. garbage" going on with someone who is willing to listen to it, hopefully you'll take yourself off the list of type of girl; "who listens for too long to what he's saying (hoping it's "real") but you do not take into account what he is actually choosing to do"... remember to not only "hear" him, but see what he's doing too...


You are worthy of a man who will cherish and respect you. And not a guy who will call while he's seeing someone else, to "tease and keep you on the line" with his "confusion and non-commitment".. sure, it's okay that he feels that way, and I'm sure he means all of it, BUT....


but he should only be contacting you IF he's willing to "be in your life in a respectful committed way". And that starts with you setting some standards and value for your own heart..


let him know in a kind way, saying to him "I'm sorry you're confused and that you have commitment issues, but that's up to you to resolve and if or when you do, then you may call me, but right now I don't feel "right" being involved even in a "flirtatious" way while you are seeing someone else, I have too much respect for myself, and of course if I were the "other girl" I wouldn't want to be dating you if you were calling your ex and saying things like this, so go take all the time you need to get yourself toegether, meanwhile, I'll take some time for myself as well".

Link to comment

Good for you, you did the right thing, but from now on when he calls, be aware of all you have learned about how valuable and self respecting YOU are becoming, and next time he contacts you (and it might not be for awhile, but no worries, you just take care of you right now) but if or when he does contact you again, clearly ask him without 'telling him".. just respectfully ask: "why are you contacting me, I would like to know your intentions before I decide if we should even be talking"


You're doing this right, it's so difficult when we get the "mixed signals" of an ex who contacts yet does not follow through with a worthy intention.. so remember if YOU are clear as to your standards, that allows him the opportunity to respectfully be clear as to his intentions.. and your a self respecting high quality girl who has every classy instinct to ask "what are your intentions?, the next time he contacts you.


And you can feel so good about yourself right now for having been kind to him, and also to have said to him, QUOTE; I wished him the best, lets be decent about this..i am feeling guilty because of the other woman..and that if he is happy in that relationship, i hope it works out. END QUOTE


You are a class act, and if he ever "grows enough emotionally" to be worthy of you, nothing will stop him from contacting you in the "right" way. So rest assure "no contact" for now.. be proud of yourself.

Link to comment

Thank you Blender and Dan..


I agree with Blender as well..YOU MUST SET YOUR STANDARDS....



Stop worrying so much about what HE thinks.....right now..its allll about you. Take the focus off of HIM and put it on you. DO what MAKES you happy. No one can make you happpy BUT YOU!! Not this guy...not me..no blender ...or Dan.....ONLY YOU CAN.


You can do this...DON;T SETTLE for what this guy will give you....TAKE IT ALL because someone will give it to you 100% without trying!!!



Take care of you ok?



Be strong!!!





Link to comment

Absolutely Dave! Nothing is more important than yourself in this world. Take life my the horns (isn't that from a dodge commercial?), live it up, good things are just around the corner, as long as you take care of you, and not anyone else! It's their problem, not yours!


Dan on LI.

Link to comment

yep, right on guys... love is about "sharing your own happiness" it's not about "attaining" it from someone else. So take this time to celebrate you, re-gain your sense of indepedent self, and widen YOUR world.. the best is ahead of you not behind you.. let him run in his "selfish circle" until he's tired of running into "himself".. no woman, no one, can cure him of "himself" that is up to him to want to do the self work to get over his "issues'....


you're doing just wonderful..

Link to comment
I know guys...and i think im allergic to duct tape so dont want that..the only thing worse then being taped to the floor is being taped to the floor while developing welts!


I am going into NC..During my "sign off" i wished him a happy bday so that i wouldnt be tempted when it comes around next week to contact him.


His issues are his..I cant cure him...I can only be me, work on me, be happy with me.


Remember what you said here, it's important stuff!


Work on you is right!


Dan on LI.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...