Need some major help

[iceman85]

Hello everyone,

 

I am in one of the most complicated and crazy relationships. I am 21, she is 17. We have been "together" for about 7 months now off and on. Because I am at college and because her parents hate me, we rarely see each other except when we work together. She claims that she loves me, and says it frequently, recently I gave her a sweatshirt of mine to wear kind of symboliclly to tell her that I care about her alot to, its also something that high schoolers do, so i figured that would be big for her.

 

Anyway, things had been going great. Whenever she goes to parties I get uneasy, because my last ex who I loved started going to parties just to have fun and ended up cheating on me. Well thats mostly why I get worried. However, I told her I have complete faith in her, she was happy to hear that.

 

She went out last night to some party, I of course was worried like always but I dont let it show (at least I hope not) I just tell her I hope she had a good time and whatever.

 

Today she calls and she is all giddy, I'm glad shes in a good mood but it seems odd. My radar is immediatley set off by this because she usually isnt this extremley happy. Then she says she may have a date for the prom, someone she met last night. Now I dont care about her date for the prom, I obviouslly cant go and I want her to have a great time. But the part about someone from last night is what bothers me. She was really giddy and happy and said I have butterflies but couldnt say why she was happy or had the butterflies.

 

I know a girl her age is probably incapable of knowing what love is, but I believed her words. My question is what do I do now? I know that I have no evidence of anything and to answer the question if we are truly together or not, we are. The other night some guy tried to kiss her and she told me and cried because she thought it may have been cheating.

 

What Do i do? Do i just act like always or do I try and dig?

[romantic sweetheart]

Hi iceman. I appreciate your devotion and willlingness to communicate and be diplomatic with your girlfriend. At age 21, you have embodied many wise and mature skills, skills that will assist you in developing and maintaining an honest and loving relationship with a person equally committed.

 

The girl you are with now is 17, which means she is quite young and inexperienced in terms of relationships. She is in high school, involved with learning about herself, how she associates with others, "testing out the waters" so to speak. Her needs and your needs are different, as you and she are at different stages in life.

 

You said in your post that you felt a girl her age was likely to be incapable of knowing what love is. More specifically, she is not at the level of understanding about relationships, love, attraction, etc. that an older person might be. She is interested in going out with her peers, going to the prom with dates other than yourself.

 

You would like to have a more committed, serious connection. This doesn't appear to be the focus of your girlfriend.

 

It is best right now to be honest with yourself and with your girlfriend about what you want in a romantic connection. Please remember how young she is and how much living and learning she has ahead of her before she is truly prepared to be in a more serious connection.

 

It might happen that you discover your needs cannot be met by your girlfriend. Accept your situation as a true blessing, and an indication of a change in your life, a new start that will open you life up to meeting people who are more compatible with you in terms of goals and needs.

[iceman85]

I think I have been honest with her. She knows that we wont see each other much and that its very difficult because of how her parents dislike me. In a way it has to be a secret relationship. She was tentative about it at first but on her own decided she wanted it.

 

My fear right now is that all this change in attitude I am seeing today is because when she was out with her friends last night she met "some guy" and her friends want her to be with them and shes going along with it and not telling me anything and trying to hide it because she knows im up here at school.

 

However, one thing I have learned is to not jump at someone when you have no evidence, its really hard for me but I dont know what to do here.

[musicguy]

let things play out, if you are honest with her, then she should be honest with you. Also, in my experience, dating a younger girl is hard, as the previous poster has stated, younger girls are inexperienced with life and with relationships. Go with the flow

[iceman85]

Thats what I have been doing, it hasnt been easy for me. But now i know somethings up. She says she'll call me, hasnt called, im completley in the dark. She was all giddy today and i guarantee its because she met someone at the party, its not just so he can be a prom date. I dont get it, I cant stand this getting burned anymore. I dont even know what I do wrong.

[musicguy]

Maybe you are doing nothing wrong. Remember that you are quite a bit older than her and she's still a teen and wants to have fun