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Dumped after long relationship - is it over?


timl4321

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timl4321,

 

You're in a state of panic,rejection and desperation. You have to step back from your thoughts and refocus your thinking to the problem.. The problem you have right now is SHE doesn't want a relationship with YOU "right now". I know that may seem hard to swallow but thats reality. You wanting to make contact with her to ease your emotions does NO GOOD!!!! It's unhealthy for you to hold onto something that wants to be released. IT's as they say "When you pull they push".... As hard as it may be you need to start telling yourself "I love her enough to let her go" that's true love timl4321, if you have absolute true love for this woman you will do EXACTLY that... LET HER GO!!!!!

 

IT's so hard to comprehend but letting go is an act of love...Why? because you're respecting them and loving them to grant THEIR wish and accept their decision. A person can't realize the consequences of their actions UNLESS they're are forced to see the reaction of their actions. You sitting there pining over her, wanting to be there for her, wanting to contact her is not forcing her to see what she's doing or if she's made a mistake. You've done all you can and be happy with that. This woman of yours may have been special to you but WHY would you want to be with a woman who felt YOU weren't special enough to keep???????? Make any sense to you?????? You are only wanting her back to ease your pain and heartache!!!! but will you be easing her?????

 

You can love her, you don't EVER have to stop loving her but you MUST love yourself to stop the pain that YOU continue to put yourself through. She made a decision now is the time to give it to HER 100%!!!!!!!! You need to start having the attitude that "I loved her like no one ever will, this is her loss not mine"...YOu're a good guy, a smart guy, a confident,loving and dedicated man... Be proud of that, be proud of the fact that this woman will someday know what a good man she hurt and what a mistake it was to think the grass was greener!!!

 

 

Love her enough to LET HER GO!!!!!! right now that is all you can do..holding on to her will not allow her to make ANY decision about what she wants and will not let you move on to see what she's losing!!!!

 

 

Tha Gipp

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Well, sorry to say but I broke and called her yesterday. We talked for about half an hour - just small talk, nothing about 'us'. I guess you could say it was a little awkward, but not too bad.

 

I don't know if I regret doing it. I felt better afterwards but then I found myself thinking about her even more so maybe it did backfire. I did get the impression that she is coping just fine and has no regrets about her decision at the moment. She said she doesn't want to give me false hope by talking to me and that all her friends have been telling her not to call me, that we can't be friends - ever! We both said that we would like to try and be friends even though it may be hard -especialy for me.

 

At least I know now that she is okay with the breakup and is not 'confused' like she said she was before. I don't think I'm totally ready to be her friend yet though as the conversation did set me back a little. She seems to be making big changes in her life at the moment and she is happy where she is headed so think I will give her the space to do so. I will talk to her again, when I feel a little stronger though.

 

Overall do i regret calling? Maybe a little but it wasn't so bad. I know now that she doesn't want me back and hopefully that will help my healing in the future.

 

Back to day 1! NC starts again today.

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timl4321,

 

Ok Mr.!!!!!! Grab your right hand, raise it up to same level of your face and SMACK!!! yourself on the right side of your face and tell yourself "I WILL NOT attempt to contact UNTIL I feel strong enough to accept that she is GONE"...ok ok ok.. maybe physical abuse to one self is not the answer but you should atleast be telling yourself that you can not keep putting yourself through these step backs. Have it in your mind, set a goal for yourself that you will make contact with her when you feel strong enough to know that whatever she says, whatever her tone of voice is that you'll be happy no matter what.

 

I know you want to hold on, who does want to let go????? Everyone wants to hold on to the person they love when that person has chosen to leave. One thing you need to understand is that you're not helping your situation one bit by wanting to be her friend or making contact with her. She doesn't have to make a choice right now because she still has you there!!! you havn't gone anywhere so she's not forced to see what life is like without you. Her life right now is skating on two roller skates...you're one skate the other person and her new life is the other skate... She's loving it, she's moving on with life and she's coasting with the wind in her hair and a big smile... How easily do you think she'd get arround with only one skate????? Probably not as good as having both, so you need to let her go and let her be dependent on her new choices and for her to see what life is like having to live with these choices.

 

I know, silly analogy above but it makes sense...You're making it to easy for her and making it SOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD for yourself!!!!!! If you wan't results timl, you'll stop contact with her until SHE makes an effort to get back together OR you feel good enough to contact her with NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!!...and no, you can't make contact for your own satisfaction and to fill a void...the void in your life right now is a void you need to replace with YOU!!!! not HER!!!!....

 

 

Just remember, if you ever make contact with her anytime soon SHE WILL NOT show you ANY signs of missing you because you havn't left!!!! Can't miss something when they are still there right????? SHe's going to sound happy, tell you she's happy, make you feel like dirt because she's happy without you and why is that???? Well...as I've said before....Because you're still there!!!!! Be gone!!! Let her go!!! and you'll see what happens next... Only good things will happen for you...Trust me!!!!

 

 

Tha Gipp....

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  • 2 months later...

That is BY FAR one of the best threads I have ever read.

Some of the best advice, clearly explained and well written !

I think it should be a "sticky".

 

I read each and every reply and I cannot tell you people how thankful I am for the insight you have given me.

 

I don't know and I don't care if my ex is dating someone else now.

I will do my best to go into NC until she either contacts me or I am strong enough to contact her and accept any outcome.

 

I will keep you posted about my situation.

 

I am bumping this thread for everyone to see !

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