A glutton for punishment??

[BlueEyedBoy]

My ex and I dated for just over two years. At the time of getting together she was 19 and I was 21.

Our first year together on the whole was pretty fantastic, we hit it off very quickly and fell deeply in love with each other. We were very intimate and always doing new and exiting things although it was not free of problems.

There were two sides to my ex. Most of the time she was a wonderful loving caring person who thought the world of me but she had a volatile temperament. On about four occasions during our first year, the first being less than a month into our relationship, she suddenly changed, like a coiled spring being released. Her reaction was triggered by various things although on more than one occasion it was due to interest from another guy. She would treat me badly and flirt with other guys via sms and email making no effort to hide it. she stopped caring about me. Loving and caring about her too much and remembering what she was like before I held on and hoped for the best. After a while her phase would pass and things would be as great as they were before.

Last year she went on holiday with her family, cheated on me while she was away and it was quite apparent that she'd lost all feelings for me when she returned. As before I held on hoping that she would one day love me again. Three months I waited while she treated me terribly, flirted and discussed all kinds of sexual fantasies with a guy online. finally the phase passed and during our second year things were 'almost' as they were before.

This year she went on holiday with her family again. She insisted that she didn’t cheat on me but things between us didn’t seem right.

Two weeks ago I decided to call things off between us. I told her that I didn’t think that this re-occurring situation would go away until she'd got out of her system what she needed to .

I asked her if she still loved me. She said she did. I asked her if she thought this was the right thing to do. She said she thought it was.

 

It seems to me that she is not ready to settle down yet and as hard as it is to do I have to let her go and have her fun.

 

I know I shouldn't hold out for her after everything she has put me through but I love her dearly and I know deep down she loves me too.

 

Any thoughts?? Much appreciated everyone.

[j-boe]

Well to me she doesn't love you that much seeing she cheated on you.. Just let her go, find someone new. You may love her but this just isn't working out. Don't let her step all over you.

 

Go out and have fun! Be with friends, enjoy life.

 

-j

[sabena]

Sometimes we love people and no matter what we do we just cannot get them to care for us as we do them. I think in this case it is the same for you and your girl. Just the same as some people will tell you over and over again that they love and care for you but others won't...

 

Try not to focus on how it used to be in your first year, in your second year you have had a tough time and have obviously tried to communicate your wants and needs with this girl.

 

Now is the time for you, you have told her you want time away, but I think you need to gather what you can from the relationship and back away now.

 

Use this time away and really think hard about how happy she has made you, has she? When you are in a loving relationship it should be one of two sides, it should be one where the love is a bonus not a need and not one where the working is like climbing Mt.Everest. I know love takes working but sometimes if its only being worked at by one partner then that partner needs to wake up and smell reality.

 

I am sure that one day you will meet someone who will care for you as you will for her, but I think you need to decide if this girl is your present one.

[BlueEyedBoy]

Thankyou for your input.

 

I realize that while I called things off in order to give her a chance to establish what it that she wanted, I should also take the opportunity to stand back and take stock myself.

 

I have spoken to her a few times in the last couple of weeks. She doesn't seem to show a great deal of sorrow or remorse over loosing me.

 

She has spoken of other guys, so I guess that could be one reason that she doesn’t think of me much.

 

It sounds like she is going to get things out of her system like I told her to, I don’t think she's slept with anyone yet but I don’t think it will be long before she does.

As for me I will just take things as they come. I dont yet know wether or not theres is any hope of a future for us.