An old friend back in my life, and I'm not sure I want him back...

[n83]

I was friends with guy for years, from age 12 til about 19. Best friends; we'd talk on the phone for hours, every night, about everything.. He was in love with me, but I didn't feel the same way about him. So I dated other people, and he chose to remain in my life as a friend.

 

Then he started dating this other girl he was friends with. I was happy for him, but his new gf was jealous and insecure about his friendship with me, seeing as how EVERYONE knew how in love with me he was (he would constantly talk about me to our mutual friends). I gave birth to my son at 20, and had invited them both to my house to see the baby, but they never showed up because she didn't want to be around me (he was admittedly no longer in love with me at this point and had moved on). He has only met my son once. He came and saw me without her for about 10 minutes, and that was when my son was about 2 months old. My son is now 3 1/2.

 

After he came and saw my son, he told me that he had to lie to his gf just to make her feel better about it. I got very angry with him and basically told him the friendship was over. At this point, he'd cancelled plans with me literally over 10 times because of her insecurity, even though she KNEW nothing was going on between us and that he didn't love me that way any more. And I was mad at him for letting it happen. I told him I would never have ditched him as a friend, even though I had other boyfriends.

 

Anyways, so we didnt talk for years, and then a few days ago I found out my son was playing on the computer (aka banging the keyboard) and accidentally IM'd him. Seeing as how we hadn't spoken in 3 years, I didnt even remember whose SN it was. So we started talking again. Apparently, after like 4ish years of being together, him and his gf broke up and she moved out a few months ago. And now all he talks about is her, goes on and on about her, even though we've only spoken twice and both times were online.

 

I feel guilty saying this, but I don't want to talk about her. A lot has changed since we stopped talking, and I don't want to constantly hear about his ex. I truly do feel bad for him about the breakup, but I don't really feel like being his shoulder to cry on while he weeps and moans about how special she is and what a fool he was. He even made me read his blog (which was a long rant about how he misses her, how he always thinks about her, what her favorite foods were, etc., blah blah blah)..

 

Should I just stop talking to him completely again, or is there a polite way to say I don't want to talk about his ex all the time??

 

Sorry this was long

[Honey Pumpkin]

He doesn't sound like much of a friend to me, to be honest. Wasn't there for you when you needed him, didn't get in touch with you, let you done, and now wants to whinge.

 

If you're only talking online, just be honest: "The past is the past, I'm not really up for talking about that" OR - just block him. This isn't a great friendship, and maybe it's not something you need to revisit or worry about. If you WANT to stay in touch with him, I don't know, maybe meet up for coffee. Allow him one whinge about his ex and then cut off the supply!

 

Good luck.

[Armyguy3682003]

I would talk with him and let him know about your feelings. Dont just block him out and ignore him. I think thats so imature and rude to do. Have the heart to at least tell him what you feel which is the right way to do it. This way, he knows and feels maybe it has ended, a way of having closure if he looses you as a friend. I hate wondering what I did to someone when they just ignore me and feel like that is the coward's way out. This way he knows what he did wrong and not to do it again with the next person. Honesty is the best policy, although I feel that most of this world we live in doesnt believe in it. I was closed out by two friends (girls) without knowing what I did wrong and of course, felt it was my fault because we never discussed what I did wrong.

[n83]

Hey Armyguy,

I didn't mean that I would just outright ignore him.. I just meant, ending the friendship again once and for all.. Honestly I don't think he'd care if I just stopped talking to him completely again. We're not best friends or anything, so it's not like he's losing someone he's close to, nor am I.. Like I said, a lot has changed, it's been 3 years and I'm TOTALLY different than how I used to be..

 

I think I'm def gonna just put a limit on his ex-gf talk for now, and see where things go.. like Honey Pumpkin said, allow him a 2 minute window to rant and then end that topic of discussion