Tough

[broken7]

tough situation, just trying to stay strong and make it through. So I haven't talked to my ex, but he knew Id be in his area today, we have mutual friends. My roommate and I have to drive to his street where the guy my roommate is dating lives. We have to pick him up, because we are all going camping tonight. Anyway my ex texts me and writes "She stopped by on her way to visit her mom, just giving you a heads up." She = girl he cheated on me with, he texted that b/c he knew Id have to go by his house and her car would be there. This sucks, I just texted back "Cool enjoy." Now my stomach is killing me...just trying to be strong and not show weakness....trying to do everything in my power not to text or call to tell him off.

[blender]

Don't text him or tell him off, it would only give you a temporary false feeling of control, only to leave you feeling worse afterwards, so remember to stay calm, have no more contact right now, none, your response of: "cool enjoy" was fine, now leave it at that. You can feel empowered by not giving him any satisfaciton of your energy or attention, negative or positive, it's time for you to take care of YOU.. and focus all your energy and thoughts on YOUR OWN healing, and growing past all this.

 

You are going to be okay, stay away from him, have NO contact for now, one day at a time, use this time to re-gain your sense of independence, and your self respect, he does NOT hold the key to your happiness, he does NOT define you..

 

YOU hold the key to your own happiness, future, and you can now choose to define yourself as "moving on and letting go" by choosing NO contact one day at a time, if he texts you again, without asking a question that sincerely refers to "working things out with you as a couple" then there is NO healthy emotional reason to respond, no pretending to be "okay" with everything, no responding to his texts, or his emails, or anything... the ONLY thing you should respond to is IF he directly intentionally clearly states that he wants to "try to work things out as a couple with YOU".

 

For today, take a deep breath, and if someone asks or refers to him, simply say with confidence, "I'm accepting the fact that he just may not be thee guy for me, and I'd rather not talk about him, I'm taking this time to focus on my own life". keep saying this to yourself and to others over and over again, and soon you will be living it, and healing, and feeling so good about yourself.

 

The best is ahead of you, not behind you.

[amystar]

First off, I'm sorry you're going through that. You deserve better than that.

 

So you're broken up but why is he texting you about this now? He cheated, it's over, and you really should just tell him to leave you alone. No Contact! I don't know why he is giving excuses about the other girl being at his house. You are no longer together so just tell him you don't want to hear from him anymore. I think that is just hurting you in the long run.

 

That is just my opinion. Hope it all works out for you. Stay strong!

[broken7]

Thanks blender....as I sit here I have calmed down a bit, I dont want to call him at all anymore. Im sure he will try to contact me once she leaves, but he wont get a response from me. Every time shes over there, he texts me to say she "just stopped by." I dont believe him, I almost guarentee they had plans. He can be with her, no need to involve me to let me know whats going on. Im a mixture of angry and hurt right now, but its getting easier now that Ive calmed down.

[broken7]

Amy thats the confusing part, he texts me random things all the time. And on my birthday last week he texted me he loved me and I meant the world to him. Then today the girl he cheated with is at his house. He wants his cake and eat it to, not happening. He wants to spend time with her, then thats fine, but I wont be there to occupy the other part of his time. Im just so angry that he purposly does this stuff to me.

[blender]

It's not confusing, it's just a FACT that he is not willing to be emotionally responsible to you or to her or for himself. So if you no longer wish to be confused, then set your own standard for yourself, and know that you are NOT going to respond to him, UNLESS he clearly states an intention of wanting to "exclusively work on a relationship with you"..

 

for today, breathe, make a deal with yourself, that you will not have any contact with him today, even if he texts, or even if he doesn't.. YOU are now making a CHOICE to be in control and clear (not "confused") but clear about how YOU are going to live YOUR life, and that means you will no longer waste any energy on a guy who is "on the emotional fence" and also still "spending time with a girl who "stops by"... ugh... he's not worthy of your precious heart right now.. take care of you..

 

NO contact one day at a time....he'll get the message loud and clear that IF he wants to be "responsible" that he's going to have to reveal some clear intentions IF he's going to ever get a response from you.. don't keep falling into the same "habit and pattern" with him.. start no contact for yourself right now.. one day at a time.

[broken7]

thanks blender im for sure sticking to no contact. He plays to many games...i wont just be a girl on any guys list. I know he will contact me tonight once she leaves, I will make sure to have enough will power to not respond! He needs to text or call her, not me anymore. All of this makes my stomach turn, b/c after 2 years together you would think I deserve better from him, but he is who he is, a cheater and liar...not someone I need in my future!

[blender]

You do deserve better. And it's time to be in "acceptance" that HE is NOT capable of being "better" in your life. With this "acceptance" you will start to heal, and grow past this. Remember you are mourning the loss of what you "hoped could be" more than you are missing who he "actually revealed himself to be".. make sure to separate those thoughts, so you have the courage and self respect to break your part in this "habit/pattern" of contact, no need to "announce' that you are doing "no contact" just make a deal with yourself, one day at a time, and trust that IF he ever does discover "authentic commitment" or is "ever really capable of it" he will then stop at nothing to win back your heart. But it will NOT work if you keep on with this "casual indulgent contact" with him.. it's stops for today, right now, you are going to be strong, and self respecting, and remember who he "actually is" and keep alive the hope and dream of meeting a man who shares your values, standards and who has the ability to LIVE UP TO what you believe about him.....

 

All your hopes and dreams are still alive for YOU... you're sounding stronger already, and when you find yourself falling back into the bad habit of being tempted to "respond or contact" just shake your head, take a deep breath and say out loud "that was not working for me, and he is no longer worthy of my attention, I will take care of me for today".. smile, cry, smile again, and be proud of your self restraint, self respect and look forward to all the wonderful amazing things in YOUR future.

[amystar]

I completely agree with blender. It doesn't seem like he understands how much he's hurt you and how much pain he is still causing you right now. You deserve much much better! You don't need somebody who is running around with other women and then turns around and tells you he loves you. If he is doing that, then that is not love!

 

Focus on yourself and even though it is hard, get him out of your mind. Don't contact him. You will find another guy who will love you and respect you, you don't need a guy like him!

 

Just stay strong and realize that there is nothing you can do about what happened. You sound like a great person and you really don't need to waste your time with him. Good luck!