30 Day Challenge Complete! [Long Post]

[MasterT]

I've finally arrived at my destination. Finishing the 30 days of NC. I plan on continuing this for an indefinite period of time... I have other objectives to pursue.

 

In a series of revelations over the course of the last 30 days, I have finally understood why I felt the way I did, and what I need to do...

 

Revelation 1:

I believe it was because of a deep rooted desire to have someone who was crazy about me that caused me to want her back for so long. I have always wanted someone who has a secret crush on me to step forward and admit to me that they love me. I have always wanted someone that would go out of their way to be with me. My ex used to be like that. While it was me with the initial crush, she would always go out of her way to be with me... I guess the only problem with my desire is that the status quo is: "Guy asks girl out."

 

The fact remains, that she isn't the only one who can fill those shoes. There will be others, and there will be even more awesome others to fill those shoes. No worries.

 

Revelation 2:

I was reading a book in a class and read over some lines about a guy who fell in love with this girl... When I finished reading it, something hit me in the head (not literally)... What would I do if I got her back anyways? How would I feel? It was then that I entered this eerie state of ultimate peace. I wish I could describe it to you. It was like I was suddenly transported to the most serene peaceful place you can imagine. I didn't have a worry in the world. I was just at peace. It was then that I realized that I do not want her back... At least not right now. I realized that what I really wanted right now was that state of perfect peace... A state of perfect harmony with myself and the world, and then maybe I want her back in my life after I achieve that.

 

When I think about scenarios where I get her back I realize something... I am not excited. I am not really thrilled about it. I want to be, but I am not. The event just feels so... ick.... and boring. It feels like a stupid competition, or a job, or a treasure hunt. Those kind of things are exciting when you are working towards a goal, but then once you get it it becomes old news. This is why I would much rather work towards my own internal peace, and let her decide if she wants to do the chasing.

 

Revelation 3:

I deserve better. It's as simple as that. I deserve someone who is crazy about me in my life. I've heard it from others -- I am an incredible boyfriend. Those are their words, not mine. It's a complement I've heard over and over from others. I know I am not perfect (and I am working on my faults), but if others are saying I'm incredible, then I must be, right? If she wants to come back into my life, she's going to have to prove herself this time. Otherwise, I do not want to have anything to do with her. I deserve someone who is crazy about me. I shouldn't have to sacrifice my identity to get someone's love. It should be given freely and without conditions. Unconditional love... That's what I want.

 

It's funny. My friends were in shock when they heard of the breakup... They couldn't believe someone would break up with me.... That made me feel good. Made me feel like I deserve better than this.

 

Revelation 4:

I realized that everything happens for a reason, and that God has got something special in store for me. Part of me says that God did this for a reason, and that He may decide to restore things after I correct the mistakes I was making. The other part of me says that God is preparing me for the arrival of someone who will obliterate my ex in every way. Either way, I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me.

 

Revelation 5:

Finally, I remembered my old philosophy on life... That this is my story, and I need to write it the way I want it to end. I refuse to allow things to continue the route of a tragedy. I am going to have the happy ending... Even if it is with someone else.

 

 

So now what am I doing? Just cruising along life now... Finding peace and happiness along the way. It's my story after all... I'm going to make it great.

 

Big thanks to everyone at ENA... You all have been great to me. Special thanks to SuperDave71, and the Gipper. SuperDave71 your advice is incredible, and thanks for the IM conversations... You'll be hearing from me as time progresses. Gipper, I particularly enjoy reading your posts... We think a lot alike.

 

You all shall be hearing from me as I continue my journey... After all, I'm not out of the woods yet

 

-Master T

[mxfun]

Revelation 5:

Finally, I remembered my old philosophy on life... That this is my story, and I need to write it the way I want it to end. I refuse to allow things to continue the route of a tragedy. I am going to have the happy ending... Even if it is with someone else.

 

 

So now what am I doing? Just cruising along life now... Finding peace and happiness along the way. It's my story after all... I'm going to make it great.

 

 

-Master T

 

T,

 

Your post really spoke to me. Especially the revelation above. I am the one who left my live-in boyfriend, but it still is incredibly hard to deal with. I am still lonely. Many people tell me I am beautiful and that I could have anyone I want...but I think my self-esteem is plastered on the wall. I don't think I WANT anyone right now. I will take your theory to heart and work on making my story a happy one.

 

You are doing a great job on your own story. Keep it up.

 

-MX

[mia1207]

How does it feel Master T? For real? Are u really at peace with the whole thing? Do you hate your ex or are u just OK about the whole thing? Did it healp to have NC for 30 days? Did your ex try to contact you duting your NC?

 

What was the longest time you had spent in NC before the Challenge?

 

BTW: I totally second you about SuperDave71 and Gipper. They rock! Although sometimes they clash on details of the rules and strictness.

 

Thanks

[MasterT]

mia1207:

 

I'm mostly at peace with the whole thing. I do not hate my ex. I do not believe she made a good decision regarding us, but I do not hate her for that.

 

In general, I've accepted that she made that decision, despite my feelings that it was a poorly made one. Allowing yourself to hate your ex does not allow you heal. After all, for you to heal you need to focus on yourself right? You cannot heal a broken leg by wishing a broken leg on someone else right?

 

NC was a great help. It's perfect for anyone seeking to heal. You've got to be serious and determined about it though. I healed as much as I did as fast as I did because I fought long and hard to keep to NC and keep working on myself. I was determined to pull out of the blue funk I was in. Part of the reason I think that people stay in NC so long and not get anywhere is because they allow their minds to idle and do not take control of their emotions. It wasn't easy to fight back... I'll tell you that much. But I had a lot of help... from ENA, from God, and from my friends.

 

My ex never attempted to contact me. However, we did bump into each other randomly about 3 times. Each time I limited the conversation to a "hi". It was easy to avoid long conversations since I was always on a bike when I ran into her, so I just kept riding away into the sunset. This isn't to say that I haven't seen some degree of weirdness when I did run into her. Note that every time I ran into her, she was the one to start the contact. I never did.

 

First Time: She had this weird look of horror, sadness, and longing in her eyes. That was just odd to me. I stuck to my guns though, and continued NC.

 

It was odd, because after the second time she stopped riding her bike. How do I know? Because I never saw it when I rode past her classes (I have to pass by them on a daily basis to get to my dorm). This struck me as her trying to avoid me. What do I think of this? EXCELLENT! That makes NC even easier!!!!

 

Before I took the challenge my record was a week and a half for this ex. If you count before I even got to ENA, I broke up with a friend (Best friend with benefits situation that I was fed up with), and did NC for 2 years! But then again, I was the dumper in that situation. This time I was the dumpee.

 

If she came back someday, I might take her back. But this time I will be the strong one.

[MasterT]

Today continues to get even more interesting. First I am being set up with a girl by my father's friend, who sounds pretty cool and interesting (I'll let you know as time progresses what happens of it)... Also I've always had an affinity for the name Rachel, and that's her name...

 

I also got in contact with yet another high school buddy today, and she wants to see me So we're gonna hang out sometime next weekend probably. Oh and on a side note, I don't know if she has feelings for me now, but I know she did in the past... She made it pretty obvious... But I was already in a relationship when she did.

 

Been a really interesting day. I think next weekend is going to be incredibly interesting. Definitely looking forward to it.

[1forthegipper]

MasterT

 

First and foremost my friend..You've earned your 30day stripes and well deserved soldier!!!!....

 

I do feel that we think a long the same lines in regards to our person lives and our ex's and also how we perceive life and relationships.... Not sure where you are MasterT but it would be cool to sit at a bar, grab a beer and chit chat about life, love and relationships... All in all MasterT, I myself and everyone here at ENA are proud of you and reading your post on your reflection of the last 30 days is uplifting. The insight you share will definitely help those who struggle getting on with NC and the knowledge of reclaiming who we are so that we can face life and love again.

 

In a breakup we put so much emphasis on our ex's and getting them back. We consume our thoughts on how to accomplish this goal and regain our happiness... The fact of that situation is that we're not looking beyond that goal and realize just how we may feel IF we accomplish that goal. Some of us may embrace the second chance without resentment but many of will carry the lingering hurt,anger and resentmen from the rejection and pain that our loved one put us through. So my pont is, look beyond accomplishing the goal of getting them back, imagine what it would be like after you got them back and how you will ACTUALLY feel... That insight MIGHT just give you the strength you need to keep moving forward and realizing that life is to short and happiness is what you deserve....happiness should come from YOU not from another person...

 

MasterT, When you love yourself first you can't go wrong and no matter what life brings your way you will come out the winner....why? because you love yourself first!!!! It's when we put the responsibility of our happiness on someone else is when fail.. Most people struggle to make themselves happy how in the world can they carry the burden of making two people happy!!!! Sooner or later it will break, they will feel overwhelmed and move on to something easier...LOL... easier???? easier from the start until they realize relationships take work!!!!!

 

MasterT, you're on the right path, I take strength from your words of wisdom and many others here at ENA take what you've learned and will apply it to their own situations. Keep moving forward and take with you through this journey that "I am somebody worth of TRUE LOVE" whether it be with your ex or someone new.. embrace the thought and the fact masterT that LOVE will come again..you can't deny that or stop it...it will happen..and why would you want to EVER stop that from happening.... We all take what we've learned and I do believe you learned a great deal in this breakup so if given a second chance, or find someone new...that person will be one hell of a lucky woman that has a man that's made changes for the better and has a better understanding of love and relationships!!!!!

 

Keep it up my friend,....we're all with you and remember.... "Love is a battlefield, but this battle has already been won by you..time to regroup your troops and enjoy your victory and inner peace."....

 

PS....Whether there is another battle down the road will determine how you handle the old or new allie...learn from the past do not let history repeat itself!!!!!

 

 

God bless!!!!

 

Tha Gipp

[MasterT]

Perhaps someday we'll cross each others paths and be able to share that beer. Thanks for the congratulations. I am still learning even now, and I have found that things only continue to get better as I apply the new things I have learned. Less and less do I have to fight to keep myself confident and happy... It all comes naturally now!

 

I agree with your sentiment on breakups. People tend to focus too much on "getting back together" that they overlook what actually went wrong! You've gotta gather your troops together and figure out why you lost that last battle. A general isn't going to tell his troops to get back in the fight right after a loss without first assessing what went wrong! Once you address what went wrong, then you've gotta focus on repairing your flaws... and do it for yourself, not for your ex. The other thing people miss is what the results will be if they do get back together with their ex.

 

It's a completely different challenge to get back together with someone. You've gotta fight off all the resentment and pain, and get cracking on your second chance like a brand new person. Use those skills you've learned! Blow them away with the awesome person you've become. But whatever you do, do NOT fall back into old habits and old faults. I agree that it's important to take an honest look at how you would feel if you did get back together with them. Once I did that myself, it changed a great deal of my thinking.

 

Yeah! You've got that right! You've got to learn how to love yourself and make yourself happy before you can successfully share your life with another. Fact is that it is a LOT of work to make someone happy. Is it fair to place that burden on your significant other? No, it's not. Besides, only you know how to make yourself truly happy

 

I agree. Relationships take WORK! It's not all candy and flowers. I am an avid believer in working to make a relationship survive. There is no such thing as an easy relationship. Something easy obtained is just as easily lost in my opinion. You've gotta work to make things work

 

Thanks for having faith in me I'm excited at the prospect that someday I will get to love again... and I'm even more excited to be able to share the new and improved me with this future love (or possibly even with my old love). Honestly I am amazed at what a powerful influence this community has had at my healing, at what NC has done for me, and at what God has done for me in such a short span of time. Just goes to prove that there is life after the storm. Just have to have faith.

 

Much was learned from this experience, and the learning still continues. My troops will never forget this experience, and the wonderful improvements that blossomed out of the battles that raged. I guarantee, the next great ally to join my life will not be plagued by the old faults. Bad events in a person's lifetime are there to learn from, not to ignore.

 

Words to the Wise:

Those who do not learn their lesson the first time, will be forced to learn it a second time, or a third time, or until they finally truly learn their lesson. Life has a way of repeating itself with those who choose to ignore the lessons they have been taught.

 

God bless you in everything you do!

 

-Master T