No Gaydar

[buddafleye]

Ok, I hate the internet right now. It has totally burst my bubble, ruined a fantasy, etc. I had a serious crush on this girl at my work last summer. So serious it made me realize I'm not straight and for the very first time I accepted that because my feelings were so strong. I couldn't breathe any time she was near me. I felt like we were sort of subtly flirting because we kept making prolonged eye contact. Soon she was in my area of work WAY more than she used to be and I *felt* like she was purposely doing so to see me because every time she came, we'd do the whole look thing.

 

Anyway, I was pretty heart broken to leave work last summer. This summer I'm going back, so I randomly decided to look her up on Facebook... and found her!!! Only to my dismay, the girl is not only a LOT older than I am, but she's "interested in men" and in a relationship.

 

Knife through the heart.

 

I was excited to go back, but now I'm not. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it was good to sort of get rid of that infatuation (hopefully), but I'm disappointed. I thought for SURE all signs pointed to her being interested and at least bisexual. Every single person I've ever picked out as someone I'm interested in (female) has turned out to be straight and uninterested. How the hell do you develop this gaydar because it could save me a lot of embarrassingly painful situations. lol. Because I wasn't sure if she was flirting with me, but she would have almost most certainly known that I was interested because the longer the eye contact when on, the bolder I got with it.

 

*sigh* Life's just not fair.

[lovesickkk]

Well 1st off, does she know you are a lesbian?

[buddafleye]

Well 1st off, does she know you are a lesbian?

 

No, she doesn't. We never actually spoke very much except for quick, awkward exchanges. I would never come out at my work. That would be four months of hell for me because the people there are generally unaccepting of gay people.

 

I honestly don't even know if I'm a lesbian (though pretty sure) because I've never had a relationship with a woman. This girl was like, everything to me that summer though and now I'm worried it was just me making up fantasies in my head. I was really certain though because I went from NEVER seeing her in my area to literally every day. It was almost strange because she didn't need to be there every day. It felt like definite flirting.

 

But that can't be because she's straight according to her profile, with a guy (married, I'm not sure?) and I *think* has a kid. He looks like her kid.

 

She's a lot older than I thought she was. She looks to me to be in her 20s, but she's mid 30s. The whole ordeal has just been a shock to me because she's not at all who I thought she was.

[Daddy Bear]

Let this be a lesson to all single people; gay, straight or in between: don't let yourself become fixated on someone before finding out if s/he is in a relationship.

 

Buddafleye, don't hate the Internet. After all, it gave you the truth you needed and may have saved you from an extremely embarrassing moment. And don't worry, you'll soon find a worthy female makeout partner if you want one.

[buddafleye]

Ya... I know.... it's just really rough because I don't normally get so fixated on people, but I loved everything about her. Her voice, the way she smelled, everything. Now I feel like a total creep. hahah. And stupid because I've thought about her pretty much almost every day since I left last summer.

 

It is a good thing though because now when I go to work, I won't have to wonder anymore and I won't obsess about it. Had I not found her profile, I would've made a very embarrassing mistake of telling her how I felt when I got back.

[kmartin85]

Let this be a lesson to all single people; gay, straight or in between: don't let yourself become fixated on someone before finding out if s/he is in a relationship.

 

Buddafleye, don't hate the Internet. After all, it gave you the truth you needed and may have saved you from an extremely embarrassing moment. And don't worry, you'll soon find a worthy female makeout partner if you want one.

 

agree 100%! ask questions before you let infatuation set in

[buddafleye]

I didn't "let" infatuation set in. I didn't see it coming at all. I'd gone almost the entire summer without even noticing she worked in my area (big place). Then there was just one day when I felt like she was looking at me, so I looked up from what I was doing and we made direct eye contact. I felt like something inside of me exploded the second we looked at each other. I think I must've turned 50 shades of red because I was worried she see how I reacted. After that day, she came into my area more often and the more I saw her, the more I fell for her. It FELT like she was trying to flirt. I'm normally pretty dense when it comes to people flirting, but this definitely felt like it. It only lasted two weeks because that's how long I had left in the summer, but it was an intense two weeks.

 

I just don't get how I was wrong. And if I wasn't wrong, I don't understand why she would act that way being in a relationship.

[kmartin85]

you werent wrong at all, you had valid feelings, but it seems this crush was purely physical, you never really spoke with her i take it? im just saying next time..ask questions, strike up a conversation!

[buddafleye]

Hell no I never spoke to her. hahah. I spent those two weeks trying to AVOID her. lol. She scared me. I'd never felt like that towards anyone. We had brief, like, one minute conversations about work, but that was it. The job isn't condusive to conversation. I still feel like it wasn't just on my end though because while I was trying to stay away from her, she followed.

[Cadence308]

Don't hate the internet. It sounds like it could have saved you an embarrassing moment.

 

Also, maybe all of this wasn't in your head. Just because she likes men and is in a relationship does not mean that she was not flirting with you, playing with you. She could be bi-curious...a lot of women are. My ex girlfriend knew many, many women that dated men, but would mess around with women. She could have liked the eye contact and flirtacious body language that was going on. Not that I'm telling you to go for her, just that it may not be what it appears.

 

I do think it might be good for you to meet other gay women who are available. Maybe use the internet to join link removed to meet local women or link removed.

[buddafleye]

Ya, well I would have appreciated her not playing with me if that's what she was doing. I don't like this game of "is she lesbian?" on TOP of "does she like me?" It's way too stressful.

 

And please don't give me even an inch of hope about it because I think I would probably do whatever she wanted regardless of whether or not she's married and has a kid. That's bad, bad, bad I KNOW, and so I just can't even think about it.

 

I'm slowly meeting gay women in the community. I've said before I'm not really into the whole meeting online thing, but I'm starting to wonder if I should at least give it a go.

[Cadence308]

I would prefer not to meet women online, also. But, being attracted to the same sex makes meeting women in the stardard way challenging at times. I met my ex online. Granted, it did not work out, but physically she was attractive and I had a short relationship with her.

 

I am on tangowire right now and I get winks from women all of the time. Most of them are very beautiful women. I'm not a paying member or else I would email some of them (it seems they are also not paying members). The other drawback for me is the ones I've winked at who have winked back do not even live near me. LOL It's only $8 a month to join tangowire and unlimited emailing. You really should check that site out. I have a friend who emails me often. She lives in New York and has a girlfriend, but if she lived closer I think we would really hit it off. When I have a bit more time I think I will pay to join just so I can email some of these women. Most are willing to travel. And there's a few hotties on there that I wouldn't mind seeing what they are all about. And there's no doubt what their sexual orientation is since all profiles say either "lesbian" or "bi-sexual."