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i was dating this girl for 2 years.. We broke up acouple of times.. most of the time it was my fault. But one time she broke up with me and 3 days later (while 3 months pregnant with our daughter) had sex with another guy.. We eventually got back together.. But I couldnt let that go.. anyways Our daughter was born on september 25th of 2006.. and after that our relationship got rocky. We started drifting apart.. Alot of that was my fault. Anyways she got real distant with me. And this was the time I was gonna purpose to her. But I really needed to know if she had any feelings for the guy she slept with so I didnt some really sneaky * * * *. She found out about it and broke up with me. Our daughter was 3 months old at that time, which was in december.


Since then alot of CRAZY stuff happened but when it comes down to it shes being a real * * * * * with me seeing our daughter. She is NOT talking to me at all about our daughter and wont let me see her anymore. We now have a custody dispute in court on april 5th. The thing is I am so deeply in love with her. I screwed up so bad with her. But shes done some ROTTEN things in trying to get me to NOT have joint custody with our daughter.. I mean really rotten things like make false police reports saying that I had a plan to kill her and all this crazy stuff.. (i really didnt). But anyways when we first broke up I begged and begged like most do. Thing is I KNOW I'll have another chance somewhere down the line.. But that might be 2+ years. We are connected for life. But once I get joint custody and visitation, I'm going to have to see her. And that is going to be REALLY hard on me. My main focus is our daughter but to just see her after its been so long is going to reinforce this love thats already tearing my soul apart.


Im not sure what to do. I know the best thing to do is move on and focus on myself. But its so hard. Everything reminds me of her. Since this happened Ive had other women to try and get my mind off of her but even that doesnt work. This woman owns half of my heart. The other half is owned by my daughter. Im so torn up and confused I have no idea what to do. NC will NOT be possible once I get custody. Im assuming the best thing to do is keep all conversations strictly about our daughter and just try to focus on bettering myself. Anyone have any ideas???

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Yes! You're totally right - focus on your daughter. Be polite to your ex. Don't get dragged into fights, just say "Yes dear" and carry on being loving and supportive. PLEASE don't be one of those guys who disappears on his kid because his ex-wife is making his life miserable. My dad pretty much did that to me (not disappearing completely, but as good as), and I'm still carrying around all the horrible feelings from that at the age of 25. You have a beautiful little girl, you're so lucky. All those loving feelings you still have about your wife - pour them into your daughter. She should have ALL your heart right now, not just half of it.


Having a child together is one of the hardest things couples go through, and it seems like it either makes relationships stronger or breaks them. For whatever reason, you and your ex didnt manage to make it work for now. But your daughter doesn't deserve to suffer because of it. You have to swallow your feelings, maintain your composure and let your ex see that all you want is to be a responsible, loving father and to support her as a mother.


Remember, your ex is a mess of hormones, probably completely exhausted, and her whole life is revolving around the baby right now. Try not to put her under any extra pressure.


God, I know it's easier said than done, but your main responsibilities now are as a father, not a lover. Good luck!

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