Where is the love I dreamt about while growing??

[Pkittie]

I'm a 31 yr old Indian gal living now in the US. I have been living here for more than 5 yrs...Sometimes the loneliness around me becomes very hard to bear. I was brought up in India...grew up seeing that even though life is hard there is hope...love & sacrifice go hand in hand. From that innocent gal I have come a really long way.....Live in relationships, casual sex was not the norm. I truly cherished the values I had been brought up with. Today I feel I can write an autobiography on my life & it will be a bestseller. So throughout my growing years I dreamt of a special love & I was holding out for it...I was told that someday life would just take an 180 degrees turn...

 

Yes it did I had my first crush at 18 only to discover 6 months later that the guy I had fallen for was flirting with me..and was sexually involved with my real sister before me...I thanked my stars that I had refrained from having sex with him. My world came crashing down... I never knew that was the beginning....After that one after other it was just a series of losers...I never got into any affairs but once in two yrs I would meet someone who wud spark my interest and suddenly I would find out what jerks they are. Finally at 23 I met my ex hubby who seemed like a breath of fresh air & even though we met thro families we fell in lov. Too much drama from families but we got married a year later. He was genuine, sweet & honest. I thought I was a lucky gal. Only to discover that 3 yrs later my life would turn upside down. He decided to file for a divorce becoz specifically his mom did not like me. Weak minded as he was all my efforts at trying to make him see the light went down the drain. And I had to face not only my family's wrath but I was left all alone to fend for myself. And he did it at such an appropriate time after two months of me having lost my Dad. I didn't know what was hurting more my divorce or my dad's death. Ever since I have been struggling to get on my own feet, work to support myself...Six months later he got married.

 

I have been alone for over 4 yrs...Two yrs back I met another guy thro an Indian matrimonial website & after 6 months he too walked away...In all my relationships I see the same pattern. I have only given loads of love & support & gotten kicked in some form or other...is this a price I'm paying for being a simple human being who does not play games....I have met lots of guys & they r either looking for sex or they r complete jerks. I have been very careful to start everything from the realm of friendship & 2-3 months down the line I discover their reality. If I was to list my experiences even 200 pgs would not be enough. I have not been dating anyone but it's an eye opener to see that in today's day & age NOONE can be trusted..I'm a fairly attractive looking gal so guys sometimes show interest..but the minute they find out they r not getting anything from me they run away...My ex bf came back last yr said sorry & that's it. I forgave him & became his friend. how do i forget the hurt he inflicted on me... What have i done to deserve more than my share of misery...Why is love eluding me....I have tried to get into meditation...focusing on work...I lost my job more than a month back...and I feel so SAD...Why is God so unkind to some of us?? I have no family here & sometimes I feel even if i die who cares...I have read a lot of books...our life is tohelp others & yes all that is good but don't we all need lov too at the end of the day?? All I see are selfish ppl around me...with closed hearts...everybody is looking 4 someone hot & sexy...who cares about things like humility and truthful heart...Sometimes I feel like becoming a total * * * * * like some of the gals around me...I too have my physical ,emotional needs but I have never indulged in casual sex. I find it very hard to change my value system altogether now...I don't know why but my past really haunts me....I wanna kick all the guys who came in my life...All of them have treated me so badly...played games and God knows how many other gals they have hurt. Even though in my heart I wantu forgive them but I curse them so much....Never ever in my life have I dumped anyone...I'm sick & tired of being dumped...I would have hated all men except for the fact that some of my frens r such wonderful guys that I wish I had chosen or liked anyone of them. I cannot help but it seems ONLY unattractive, below average men are good guys at heart.. Where is the lov I grew up watching in movies & reading in books....My heart breaks to think that I have been so unlucky in love...Everything makes me cry & my heart bleeds....

[GQstatus]

Unfortunately the movies, are not our reality. In the movies, there's always happy endings, and the bad guy never gets away. It seems to be the complete opposite in real life doesn't it?

 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way Poochie. And yes, there are a lot of jerk guys out there, and jerk women. But there are just as many good hearted, caring people too, who WILL treat you right. Sometimes it just takes patience to meet that special someone.

 

You said you moved here from India. I hope I don't come off as an ignorant fool, but is it your cultural to only date other indian men?

 

My mothers good friend from work also moved here from India a few years ago. And her family sets her up with other men, she doesn't really get to choose. She has became very bothered by this, and somewhat depressed because of it.

 

Don't ever feel like you need to change your value system because of what someone else does. Some people really just don't have too many morals, and now a days it seems like the "norm". You said that some of your friends are wonderful guys, maybe they could help setting you up with some good guys?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Sorry to hear what happen to you.

 

Is it because of you choice of man?

 

Are you attracted to insecure, selfish, unambitious, and of weak mind individu?

 

If yes, thats explain a lot of things.

 

Just remember not to give up hope for love. You will find it. Focus on improving yourself, and be more confident in yourself. Your personal trait will attract individual with similar trait.

 

Those who has mutiple abusive relationship is because those bullies are attracted partners who are weak and easily manipulated. They enjoy the push over effect in the relationship.

[Pkittie]

I surely am not attracted to insecure, unambitious, weak minded individuals. Infact all the men in my life have been very smart, successful & on the outside have fabulous personalities. Selfishness cannot be gauged until couple of months into the friendship/relationship. Everybody puts their best foot forward to begin with...

 

To answer your question GQ status yes I have never even had a coffee date with anybody except men of my own culture (Indian) That is primarily because I am not interested in flings so when looking at things LTR marriage is on cards with people with your ethnicity. My frens don't know of any single men in their thirties and if there are any left they are usually not open to meeting divorced gals at all. Divorce is a big taboo in our families. My divorce is the first divorce in our family since 100 yrs...My mom didn't talk to me for 6 months. Not that I chose to be divorced. How can I force the guy to stay in the relationship but they don't get it...They r like even if he asked you to leave yu shu not have left the house at all. His anger would have calmed down over months...I went back 4 times to plead with him, xplain things to him but he refused to budge...My question here is why target simple people to mess with when the world is their playground & they can have tons of women out there who are looking for a good time as well...I can cite tons of egs like this one guy my fren introduced me to who kept talking on phone with me for 4 months. Our families spoke to each other. I finally booked my ticket to go to NY to see him only to discover three days before my trip that he had made another gal pregnant who happened to be in CA as well. And her abortion date was the same date that I was leaving for NY. And tons of such guys who on the first date itself try to get all touchy, feely...only to want more & of course I have just come back home feeling like I went with such hope only to discover who they truly are...Sometimes makes me wonder of there are any nice guys left in the world....

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

In my opinion, your ex husband is weak minded as mentioned in your above post-file for divorce because his mum does not like you. Your ex husband may be smart & successful in his career, but he is still a puppet controlled by his parents in terms of career, live style, choice of woman and etc.

 

I also has an ex boy friend who dumped me twice because of his parents treaten him. I believe he will marry to a woman of his parents choices-usually beautiful and obedient to their needs.

 

I felt like you are blaming your culture for not having a second love- as in no body will want a divorce woman. Such thinking makes you limit yourself on the type of partner you are looking for.

 

Same as you, I am currently single, but I would be selective on the type of guys I go out with. Manupulative, abusive, and flirty type is a no no to me. I also would not bet a guy potential.

 

I believe love will comes when you least expected. At the meantime, enjoy your single life.