Please, learn from my mistake

[Jess...]

Hi guys, me again lol Just a quick word of advice for all you out there who are thinking about packing up all your ex's stuff and giving it back. Gifts, cards, mementos, his/her clothes, perfume, aftershave, socks etc...Please...Don't do it!! Trust me on this one. You don't have to have it lying around where you are constantly reminded of him/her, put it all in a box and get it out of your sight. Just don't give it all back.

 

I did this with my ex, I packed up all the jewellery he'd given me, cards (for anniversary, valentines day etc), gifts, things that he'd left at my house, etc. At the time, it was too painful for me to have those things, I'd moved them out into another room, and he ended up taking them. And of course I now regret it. I wanted my necklace back, I wanted my jewllery back, I wanted the big cuddly teddy bear he'd bought me back. And you know what? He wouldn't give it back. Which I see now is fair enough, because he was probably pretty hurt that I had given so much stuff back.

 

It's been 3 months, and I still want my stuff back. I will probably never get it back, and that kills because I won't have those mementos. I don't want the stuff back so I can wear it/constantly look at it/punish myself with it, I want it back so I can have the memories attached to the items. but there is nothing I can do. He knows I want the stuff back, and when/if he is ready to give it back I guess he will, but I cannot see it happening.

 

So please learn from my mistake, and think about it before you do it. Will you regret it later? If not, and if by giving everything back it will allow you to move forward, then by all means, give it back! But if you are like me, and value sentimentality, think hard about it before you send it away.

 

Best of luck

[annie24]

I'm sorry you learned this lesson! definitely, gifts are gifts, you should not give those back. I can see why he wouldn't give them back, I would be insulted if I gave someone a gift and they gave it back to me. Things you should give back: THEIR stuff they left at your house (their books, CDs, clothes). The rest, yes, put into a box and give it to your sister to keep in her garage, or put it in the back of your closet. In a few years, you may want to have that necklace just because it is pretty and it reminds you of good times.

[Jess...]

Thanks. My thoughts exactly about the necklace. I had always said to him "I will wear this necklace for as long as I am with you" so even if I did still have it, I wouldn't be wearing it. I couldnt, it would be too painful. but I would have it there to look at when I wanted to, if you know what I mean...

 

I hope people don't make the same mistake I did, thats why I posted on here, to help out. If i had seen a post like this before I gave all my stuff back, I would have thought it through, and theres no way I would have given it back.

[laboheme]

Good post, and a good lesson. I'm sorry that there wasn't a post like yours to warn you...

 

I was also tempted to give everything back to my ex in an angry fit, but I decided against it. I actually told him that I especially wanted to return a really expensive necklace to him, but he wouldn't have it. Now I'm so glad that I didn't give it to him...because when I'm in a financial hole, I can sell it for quite a nice sum, haha. I wouldn't want him to have that same opportunity.

 

And some of the clothes that he gave me are now being happily used as dustrags by my mom

[Jess...]

Good post, and a good lesson. I'm sorry that there wasn't a post like yours to warn you...

 

I actually told him that I especially wanted to return a really expensive necklace to him, but he wouldn't have it. Now I'm so glad that I didn't give it to him...because when I'm in a financial hole, I can sell it for quite a nice sum, haha. I wouldn't want him to have that same opportunity.

 

Thanks. A post like that would have helped, but hopefully my experience can help others

 

I understand about selling the necklace haha good way to look at it! I hope my ex doesn't do anything like that, but most of all, I don't want him giving it to his next girlfriend... Thats the thought that haunts me the most, thinking another girl could have MY stuff...I don't think that he would do something like that, he's not the type to be like that, but he has changed in so many different ways since we broke up that I really would not know anymore.

[bouldersweden]

If it makes you feel any better, I had an ex who tried to burn my stuff… in her front yard. She wasn’t always unbalanced (I promise you), but that’s a totally different story. The point is that it could have been worse. Now you just miss your stuff, at least you didn’t go overboard.

[HopelesslyLovely]

I can't help but disagree. Perhaps I'm being biased, because my girlfriend used to wear an old necklace that her ex-boyfriend gave her almost daily, which made somewhat upset when I found out. It was probably not a well-founded reason for being upset with her, but it felt as though that necklace was a symbol of her relationship, and she continued to wear it. When it became too much of a problem for me I confronted her, and she completely understood, and has ceased to wear it since.

 

I know you've said that you wouldn't wear it, for the same reason that you told him that you'd wear it as long as you were with him, but I can't even understand why one would want to look at it. The way I see it, anything that the person gave to you would become a symbol of past feelings, and wanting to keep it would mean having either regrets of what happened, or traces of those feelings.

 

I don't know if my opinion is the general male's opinion, but if it is, I suggest you keep those old mementos hidden from a current partner, unless you have complete confidence in him.

 

I can also understand if you received an LCD TV from an ex-boyfriend you'd be reluctant to give it up, but there's a difference between those two types of gifts.

[Jess...]

I know you've said that you wouldn't wear it, for the same reason that you told him that you'd wear it as long as you were with him, but I can't even understand why one would want to look at it. The way I see it, anything that the person gave to you would become a symbol of past feelings, and wanting to keep it would mean having either regrets of what happened, or traces of those feelings.

 

I don't know if my opinion is the general male's opinion, but if it is, I suggest you keep those old mementos hidden from a current partner, unless you have complete confidence in him.

 

I definitely wouldn't wear it...Unless we got back together. I just wouldn't be able to. Putting it on and knowing that the last time I wore it, we were happy together? No thanks lol. I wouldn't look at it all the time either, once in a blue moon probably, just knowing that I still had it...That necklace, whether I have it or not, will always be a symbol of past feelings, and of course theres regrets, I regret that we couldn't make it work. I know deep down, some small part of me will always love him, even after everything he did to me, (read: breaking my heart) just not the way I used to love him..If that makes sense

 

Of course when i move on and meet someone new, he won't have to worry about finding things from the "ex", I don't have anything in my room that is specifically reminiscent of him anymore, I have put it all in a box and that has been put away. In 10 years time when I will hopefully be married and blissfully happy, I will probly get it out and laugh

[Thornycactus]

Good advice Jess!..........high emotions here, so when my daughter went on a ski trip(bf broke up with her).............I took matters into my own hands.............hid all the stuff, including pictures of them together sos she can't do anything crazy like give it back, tear up or burn it........................don't worry, there's plenty of pics around so if she needs an outlet............I say go for it!

 

**I know it seems like the saddest moment of your life right now everyone.............but I say keep at least some momentoes...............store them away..............You won't regret it.

TC

[annie24]

In 10 years time when I will hopefully be married and blissfully happy, I will probly get it out and laugh

 

I think in 10 years time, you might need to find a necklace that matches your blue shirt, and you would think, "Oh, that one my high school boyfriend got me would be perfect!" By then all the feelings will have faded, and it would have been just a piece of jewlery.

[Dr.Amore]

Well dam i want my shoes back that i left at my ex's. Been 6 weeks since the break up and as bad as i want those shoes back i know she wont call to give them back. And i sure as hell ain't gonna call after the way she left. Funny thing is i bought her a diamond ring she wore it everyday then 3months before the break she would also wear her old wedding ring and the one i got her together.

[annie24]

meh, you can buy new shoes. sorry to hear about the diamond ring!

[RayKay]

When I was 19 and broke up with my boyfriend, I had to go away for summer for boot camp, and my mum gave him back MY snowboard as she did not want it in the house (I had bought it from him).

 

He never gave it back.....I still think I could of turned into an excellent boarder if she had not....lol. Maybe not, but I can dream.

 

I agree though, gifts are just things you do keep, even if you can't look at them for a while, as part of your life.

[Jess...]

I think in 10 years time, you might need to find a necklace that matches your blue shirt, and you would think, "Oh, that one my high school boyfriend got me would be perfect!" By then all the feelings will have faded, and it would have been just a piece of jewlery.

 

Very true