Depression

[abcd1234]

Hi everyone

 

Right now my feelings are all crazy. Ive had such a bad day and i really cant figure out what is making me feel this way... Ive been feeling sad and anxious all day (my stomach has been doing somersaults). I feel like im not getting any pleasure from life anymore, ive got no motivation to do the things i like, my personality has totally changed, ive lost my sex drive, i feel like i have no future or goals.

 

Ive felt like this, on and off, for about 2 months now. It seem to occurr to me most commonly during winter time, ive had it before. In fact, ive had it for as long as i can remember (im 18 now). During the summer i am generally fine.

 

Ive had panic attacks recently - 2 in the last 2 months. I thought it was getting better up until today - i just took a massive dive.

 

I went to school and talked to my friend about it, he sympathises but it doesnt take away the problem. Around that time i felt really bad - light headedness, nausea, hot flushes.

 

 

Let me tell you what i have been thinking of, it might help....

 

Ive been worrying a hell of a lot about the future. Ive not applied to university because for the last few years ive not know what i want to do with my life. I always hoped that the answer would present itself or i would find it, that i would know what i wanted to do at uni. Now crunch time has arrived and reality is hitting - we only have 3 months left of school. In 6 months it will be time to leave for uni.

 

All of my friends, and my girlfriend who i love to bits, will leave for uni i 6 months. Only 1 or 2 will be left. Im scared of being alone and feeling abandoned or isolated. I am scared to death, literally terrified, of this because i have never been one to handle life changes very well. This is going to be huge for me. Just thinking about it now brings feelings of dread and tears to my eyes.

 

I still dont know what i want to do with my life. Im getting behind with my school work at the moment because i have no drive to do it, i just feel so hopeless.

 

Its all so overwhelming, and im really really not able to cope with all these feelings very well.

 

Last night my girlfriend slept over for the first time, we had a late night, but this morning i kept on waking up feeling all nervous. But i dont know what i had to be nervous about as i am completely comfortable around her.

 

I dropped her at school today and im supposed to be seeing her tomorrow.

 

She has problems of her own, big ones, i dont really want to discuss them because that is her business and i would feel guilty to share it here. Her mum found out recently that we are having sex, her mum also discovered her problem. Needless to say, my girlfriend doesnt need to be burdened with anything else...

 

I text her earlier how i was feeling, ive been there for her a lot recently with her problems, and i hoped that she would lend a shoulder for me to cry on or a patient ear. But i received no response to my message and no email..... i feel let down almost, i also feel guilty..... she has a lot on her plate and i shouldnt hve burdened her with more, i even text her to apologise for that.

 

Ive been to the doctors already, he has referred me to some sort of councellor because he thinks it may be related to stress. I never said the word depression when i was at my appointment, but i think that is what i may be suffering from, or something similar like seasonal affective disorder.

 

Ive got an appointment with the councellor on tuesday, im going to tell him everything and see what he thinks. I just need a release.... the doctor said he didnt want to give me drugs and at first i agreed, but now i just want something to ease these overwhelming feelings because i can no longer cope - its affecting every aspect of my life, im on the verge of breaking down and not being able to function.

 

I just need someone to lend some words of advice or support, im sorry if this doesnt make much sense but nothing is making much sense to me at the moment. Please, i hate to say it, but i need help. Thanks everyone...

abc

[ChocoBB]

Hang in there abc...It should do you some good to see a counsellor they can help sometimes...I was having the same doubts as well with what I wanted to do with my life and right now im in uni. i'm not in love with my program...but I said I needed to do something...now i am on probation because i nearly failed all my courses this pass semester since I had no motivation like you...It does get overwhelming...I had my ups and down but I managed to get up and realize I got to do something with myself...It wasn't easy though.

 

I find it really sad that your girl couldnt be there for you as you are for her, since a relationship should go both ways...

 

Keep you head up things eventually seemed to smooth out

[bozzman]

You sound like you suffer from depression. A really common cause of depression is food sensitivities. I would get checked if i were you.

[HelplesslyLost87]

foods can make you depressed? i never heard that one before...

[abcd1234]

Hey everyone,

 

Since she had had her phone on for 2 days straight, the battery decided to give up (at a very inopportune moment i know). She felt really bad when she read the texts and she has been so sweet to me for the past few days. Shes encouraging me to talk to someone, she said i can talk to her whenever i feel the need to and she wants me to email her tonight and this week if it will help me explain what is wrong.

 

I thought it was quite out of character for her to not respond to something so important.

 

Ive decided to cut back on my hours at work. Even though working my butt off does keep my mind occupied and stops me thinking about all those horrible thoughs and feelings, its probably not actually doing my body or stress levels any good.

 

Im seeing the councillor on tuesday. I dont know what sort of councillor he is, the doctor reffered me to him for stress. If i am depressed then when i explain to him how i have been feeling then he will probably be able to recognise and help me - or at least refer me to somebody else who can.

 

Ive still got work due in that i havent finished properly. I cant cope with that right now so i dont know what ill do. I dont have the motivation to do it and if i dont then its just going to stress me out even more.... some people will say to this, "just get it out of the way", but its really not as simple as that because you dont know what its like.

 

thanks, any more replies would be appreciated.

abc

[bozzman]

foods can make you depressed? i never heard that one before...

 

yeah food that you are allergic/sensitive to can make you depressed ive dealt with it before.

 

Thats good that you are seeing a councilor and a doctor they can help a lot. What kind of doctor though?