andy5128 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 So you like my plan then esk, I know what you mean about men doing the running but I dont think a woman cant ring a guy just to grab a drink to have a chat and catch up. I do agree though that you need to be ready as otherwise all those feelings will come flooding back and then you are kinda at square one and maybe feel even worse if the night out did not go to plan and even if it did if you are not ready you got back to the what if scenario instead of just having a nice time and seeing what develops which is what i plan to do.. Link to comment
pov laraj Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I got the opposite problem. The ex keeps calling and makes it almost impossible to ignore him. Link to comment
bear12 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 kate, i find it hard to believe that you'll never talk to him again- either he'll call, you'll call way down the line and he'll be happy to talk to you, or by some other twist of fate you'll run into each other. that said, when you do have that conversation, there's no guarantee that it'll go in the way you want it to. i doubt very much that he's going to call confessing how much he loves and misses you (even though i think that's what many of us secretly hope for.. but are afraid to say it, except you i guess, which i really do appreciate ) so i think it's better to not focus on this and trying to focus on moving on. after all, isn't the ultimate fantasy not that they'll take us back but that they'll want us back but that we'll be with someone so much better who makes us so much happier that we turn them down? Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 I suppose so. I am concentrating on moving on. It's the only thing I can do. Both tp get us back together and to get myself back. Not sure If I shall join the nunnery guys, but I may become a lesbian! Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 New realisation. My ex got very successful in his career. It is a career which attracts women. I think he wants to go out and get laid etc by all these new women who must be throwing themselves at him. Does that mean there is no hope for us? Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 New realisation. My ex got very successful in his career. It is a career which attracts women. I think he wants to go out and get laid etc by all these new women who must be throwing themselves at him. Does that mean there is no hope for us? lol, where's that duct tape? stop overanalyzing. who knows what he is up to, but don't waste your brain space wondering about him and his job and women, etc...... you are a phenomenal woman, think about all the guys that would love to meet a woman like you! Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 lol, where's that duct tape? stop overanalyzing. who knows what he is up to, but don't waste your brain space wondering about him and his job and women, etc...... you are a phenomenal woman, think about all the guys that would love to meet a woman like you! I'm a stubborn bugger aren't I? Link to comment
Siriana Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I think in a cute kind of way, but still you need the duct tape ;-) Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 I met a cute guy and flirted. He lives far away though so nothing can come of it. I won't see him again for ages, if at all. But found myself fantasising about kissing him. Do you think this is my mind's way of looking for an escape from the obsession about the ex? Do I need a rebound perhaps? What are people's expereinces with rebounds? Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I just got out of a rebound a few weeks ago. It was a great escape, it helped me FEEL as though I was getting over my ex, and made me realize there is someone else out there for me. It felt good to have someone care about me, and be there, but in the end I wasn't ready for a relationship. I kept telling her I was not ready and needed to take it slow, but she was all over me. I was basically mauled by not only her, but her dog!!! (funny story if you read it) A rebound can help, but it can also set you back. It's not a good thing to use someone, so make sure it isn't like that. Have true feelings. I had to breakup with her, and I didn't like hurting her because I do care about her, and did like her. It was just too much, and I realized I needed time alone, and to enjoy being single. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 Thanks for your input Macgyver. It's ok if you both realise you are not serious. Perhaps pick someone just out of a relationship too. How can a rebound set you back? Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I'm sure it could set you back. It didn't set me back, but it let me know where I was. I learned a lot about myself, and what I needed, but in the process hurt someone else. Be honest with whoever you pick, and be honest with yourself. I am just casual dating now. It has been good. Going out, flirting, and seeing that there are a lot of great people around makes you feel better. I wouldn't push a relationship, just date. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 It's probably easier for girls to "just date" without getting serious. It's usually the woman pusing for a relationship isn't it? I could be very wrong about that, been a long time since I have dated. Link to comment
eskimomo Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Hi Kate! It sounds like youre doing brilliantly. If you feel up for some dates, I think you should go for it. The worst that can happen is that you'll decide the guy is boring/icky/not worth it and go home alone. I'm eagerly waiting for the day when I actually manage to find someone other than my ex even vaguely attractive! OK, well, my German housemate is hot, but he's gay as the hills... Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 You think so? I'm not sure it's so much attraction as desperation! I shouldn't say that should I? He was attractive, but I'm not sure if it was partly because of my situation that I was attracted. It's funny, I was kind of rude to him as I was afraid or not ready or something. It was only afterwards that I realised I should have kissed him. Link to comment
eskimomo Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Well, I do think there's some truth in the idea that the easiest way to get over one man is to get under another. I was talking to my mum about this the other day, and she's pretty much lurched from one long-term relationship to the next her whole adult life. Maybe it's not the healthiest thing in the world, but it doesn't seem to have done her any serious harm. I would definitely go out on a date if I could find anyone I was even slightly interested in, but I've not met anyone like that recently. It's all good practice, isn't it... and you never know what might happen... Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Interesting. A rebound could be good for confidence I think. I don't think I shall get the chance again for awhile. So I'm in the same boat as you. Damn! I missed the boat. Link to comment
eskimomo Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Nooo, I'm sure you'll meet someone else! I've been considering speed dating or something similarly silly, just to remind myself there are other people out there, even if I can't quite appreciate them right now. I nearly kissed someone about 10 days after I broke up with my ex, but that was when I was still convinced he'd be begging me to come back within a few days, so for some reason it was easier to enjoy being single. I just did some complex internet stalking and discovered that my ex has been checking my blog, from both his office and from home... do you think that means he's missing me, or just that he's checking I've not jumped off a cliff? Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 The other thing I should mention is that years ago after the relationship I first came to enotalone about split, about a month after we split, I started going out with a new partner (the current ex). The ex texted as we were on our first date. It's like exes have some supersonic sensor to detect when you have got someone new. It's bizarre. Hopefully that will happen again this time! Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Nooo, I'm sure you'll meet someone else! I've been considering speed dating or something similarly silly, just to remind myself there are other people out there, even if I can't quite appreciate them right now. I nearly kissed someone about 10 days after I broke up with my ex, but that was when I was still convinced he'd be begging me to come back within a few days, so for some reason it was easier to enjoy being single. I just did some complex internet stalking and discovered that my ex has been checking my blog, from both his office and from home... do you think that means he's missing me, or just that he's checking I've not jumped off a cliff? Checking your blog? That's a good sign. It means that he is curious about what you up to. It doesn't mean he wants you back but there is still an interest there. Use it to your advantage! Go out and have fun and write about it. Don't do anything too obvious. Just emphasise the positive rather than negative. In terms of dating, try speed dating if you have the courage. What I recommend doing is taking people up on offers to go out, whether they be work aquaintances, or family members. Get yourself out there. Go to the pub alone and have a glass of wine and read a book maybe. Things like that. Link to comment
eskimomo Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I sometimes wish that people in the UK were slightly better at 'dating' in the American sense. The British Way seems to be to go out, get drunk and hope for the best. I suppose part of me doesn't really want to meet someone else, as it means admitting that the relationship is over. I know that's stupid. As he's not calling me, it's like the only connection we have left is my feelings for him. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 I wish we had more "dating" too. I know what you mean about not wanting to meet someone else in a way. I think that is why I withdrew from this guy. If anything, you going out with someone will increase his desire for you I think. I've decided that just kissing and dating should be fine (I should be so lucky if it happens- but in an ideal world...). I just won't get heavy for awhile. I'm also thinking of dating younger men who are unsuitable for relationships but fun to be around. Badboys etc. That way I won't get into anything deep. Is that a bad idea? Link to comment
HDD Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 i feel the same way Kate. i want to do some casual dating rather than get into heavy stuff right now. but i dont want to go to bars and meet guys. and i just want someone to come up and start a conversation and go from there where are all the guys when you want them? Isnt it weird how when u are with someone you get all the attention from random guys and when you are single, it feels like there is no one out there !!!! UGH! Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Oh no. I got no attention when I was in a relationship, it's going to be a major drought for me then! I think you have to accept all social invitations. Whether they are to bars or not. It doesn't matter. Even if there is noone interesting there you are practising socialising, flirting etc. I wonder if there are any other good ways to meet people. I'm also planning on getting a new haircut, wardrobe, and a facial to boost my confidence. Maybe you could do the same. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Maybe we could put our feelers out there and date if we get the opportunity, if only to get the mind off the ex. Not to start anything serious. Link to comment
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