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Statistics- Whether the ex will ever call

kate111

By kate111
in Getting Back Together

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kate111 Mentor

kate111

Posted
Posted

Alright, I know you are going to hate me for being so indulgent Superdave, I'm sorry for that.

 

I'm just wondering if the ex is likely to EVER call me, as I am not planning to ever call him.

 

What are your experiences?

 

For me in terms of SERIOUS relationships (ie a year or more):

 

The one I dumped

 

He called me and I called him. I can't remember the time frames or who did it first.

 

He dumped me

 

He contacted me a month later. He then contacted me every so often for a year after that. But I didn't respond.

 

Recently dumped me

 

2 months- nothing.

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kate111 Mentor

kate111

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KATE!!!!!

 

 

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUCT TAPING YOU TO THE FLOOR!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Where are you located again? DON'T make me walk the streets of the U.K screaming your name and holding DUCT TAPE!?!?!?!?

 

 

 

 

 

SuperDave71

 

 

 

*sigh*

 

Yeah I know. It's only been 2 months. I'm sure this hope of mine will die.

 

You think I should try to erase all thoughts of this out of my mind?

 

Can't I rebuild and hope at the same time?

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

Posted
Posted

E. Jean Carroll (one of my favorite writers) says that you can improve the chance of getting your ex back by dropping off the face of the planet for 1 year, showing back up, and looking 3 times hotter than you do now, but even then, there is only a 3% chance of getting your ex back. (And all her numbers are very scientifically derived!)

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HDD Collaborator

HDD

Posted
Posted

KATE !! stop thinking about him calling you back! c'mon honey, you are better off not worrying about stuff like that. remember, YOU Are all you need to worry about right now. for all you care, your ex is history (for now) till you stop thinking about his calls.

i feel your pain and i know how your anticipation is killing you, but you need to stop this

One can have hope, but dont let hope stop you from moving on. do it for your own happiness and strength and self respect.

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thelonelydoll Apprentice

thelonelydoll

Posted
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My ex is a Brit and 31, you can have him! [No, seriously, he's way too messed up - borderline, alcoholic, abusive - to recommend to anyone trying to move on.] kate, you will move on, you will reach that point of "stuff him". Yes, get all the hoping crap out of your system - I know it's easier said than done, but can you not start planning a summer holiday with mates, perhaps? That worked brilliantly for me when I was your age. We've got to get our groove back!

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KrashBurn224 Apprentice

KrashBurn224

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Trust me, you don't want the calls! I'd look at it like this, it's been 2 months and he hasn't called. That's 2 months worth of time you've wasted thinking about him... and he didn't even have the decency to appreciate your compassion and thoughts by sharing even a short conversation with you. What does this mean... it means you're too good for him... let him go ASAP.

 

I know how you're feeling though. My ex and I split about 3 1/2 months ago with some ups and downs and meaningful encounters in between. It's been about a month since our last meaningful encounter... and well, as it turned out, said encounter was much more meaningful to me then it was to her. Took me a couple days to realize that, but once it finally sank in... back to NC it was, and hard core this time.

 

Now she calls every 2-3 days. I've made it clear I don't want to be friends and it will never be an option. I've made it clear that if we can't work, we need to keep out of each others lives. Yet since all that, now she calls more than normal... and never yet has toed the line to seek reconciliation. It's beyond draining... be glad he doesn't call you... pick up the pieces and start making yourself numero uno... be the best you that you can be... if he doesn't want to appreciate that... forget him, someone else certainly will... and you don't want to miss out on that opportunity

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kate111 Mentor

kate111

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I would ask her to stop calling if I was you and then stop answering calls.

 

A new number called my phone and I ignored it. Then listened to the message. I expected it to be the ex and my heart started beating and my mind racing...... false alarm.

 

Why am I so tragic today?

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eskimomo Apprentice

eskimomo

Posted
Posted

Kate111, I feel exactly the same. I was so convinced he'd call me, I would have put money on it. But since we broke up, I've had one text message from him telling me how wonderful and amazing he thinks I am (the day after the break-up), then nothing for 2 weeks, then I called him and he told me how great he was feeling about his decision to break up, then NOTHING AT ALL for 4 weeks now. If he doesn't call in the next couple of weeks... I dunno... I might just call him myself. I can't go on like this forever.

 

I can't help waiting and hoping. I can't really accept that this is how little he thinks of me. He really did seem to be in love with me, right up until the end. I'm so unhappy.

 

Ugh, I just don't think this whole relationship thing is really worth it.... Fancy joining a nunnery with me? I'm in London too, maybe we could set one up.

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andy5128 Contributor

andy5128

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Kate, Eski.. i'm in the UK too.. not sure about joining you at the nunnery but might consider becoming a Monk I think!! This whole no contact is hard work, split up end of Jan and then the only contact she has made was to wish me a happy birthday in mid feb via text.. Other times it's been me mainly via email but seem to do NC for a week or so then just have to email and she usually replies! Emailed on Friday as it was her last day at her current job so just a quick best of luck got no reply now beating myself up as to whether she got the email or maybe left work early and so on.. You then realise how important this NC is as you make contact and then go back 2 steps.. I wish I would learn my lesson!! Well back to NC I guess.. The hardest part is knowing when or if to reinitiate contact again, do you just leave it be or do you leave it a while like a month or 2 to sort yourself out and then call to just grab a coffee and go from there.. ARGH.. I feel for you all I really do as it's a nightmare knowing what to do for the best...

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eskimomo Apprentice

eskimomo

Posted
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Yes... I dont even know about this No Contact thing any more... I started doing it because he said he needed space and I wanted to be loving and give him what he needed, but I assumed he'd be in touch eventually because he still seemed to have such strong feelings for me. I actually can't believe he's not been in touch. It makes me wonder if he ever loved me at all. How can you love someone so much and then not even want to know how they are??

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andy5128 Contributor

andy5128

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Yeah i know what you mean and are going through. You feel like why cant they just drop me a text or something to say hi and how are you doing etc. I try to put myself sometimes in their shoes and I cant imagine them not thinking about us. I went to a party only last Friday which I knew she was going to and for a while had planned not to go but then thought why should I!! So I went was quite upbeat and we chatted for quite a while, I got a peck on the cheek when she left and she stroked my hand and then said nice to see you again.. It felt good but thankfully I didnt read into it too much as obviously we are still apart but I think she still has feelings for me so just now need to go with the flow and see what happens..

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andy5128 Contributor

andy5128

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Esk, If you have gone a whole month with no contact. Have you thought about trying to contact just to ask to go for a drink and see what happens? I would only recommend this though if you can handle your feelings and are strong and can have a nice time as then he may realise what he is missing out on.. then go back to nc for a couple of weeks providing it went well then call again arrange another nice night out and do that for a bit and see how it develops thats kinda the plan i have in my mind..

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eskimomo Apprentice

eskimomo

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That sounds like a good plan in your case. I really think that men can be a bit more fast-and-loose with NC as women have been brainwashed into thinking that men should do the running. Ahh, social conditioning!

 

In MY case, me and my ex lived together in Sweden and I've had to move back to London since the break-up, so it's hard to have a casual get-together. But I have been thinking of going there on holiday in a few weeks, to see friends and maybe pick up my stuff, and perhaps seeing him then. Thing is, every time I think of seeing him, I get really panicky, like "What if he's all cold and stubborn, like he was last time we spoke?" I suppose that means I'm definitely not strong enough to see him yet!

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