Is there hope?

[amy99roo]

I'd appreciate any input.

 

Dated guy from April until September of last year. Casual at first, got more serious in July. I fell in love, he so far hasn't been able to give a consistent yes or no if he did. End of August I had precancerous cells on cervix...expressed to him my fears, from here things pretty much fell apart. I ask him if he needs a break and he aks 'Why I want to throw everything away'. We broke up mid-September. He pushed me away after the break comment; I said the words.

I had my surgery start of October and let him know everything was ok. From here he agrees to 'talk'. Ends up not calling me back when the time comes. I force him to talk and give me some closure. No straight answers, just loving, kissing, etc. I get upset next day, he tells me breakup might not be permanent. I tell him I'd like to be friends but need some time to heal. He calls 2 weeks later. Same story, kissing, loving, etc. I get confused again and get upset. No contact for a month.

I call him over Thanksgiving because I was missing him. We get together. I tell him I miss him. We go out to eat, he talks about marriage with me says: "Rome wasn't built in a day', his parents always ask about me, dreams about me, etc. I ask if we can be friends and see what happens. He agrees. I call him a few days later and he has decided he is '99%' sure we will never date again. Huh?

I decide we can try to be friends and we go out to eat a week later. He talks about other women with me, etc. I realize this isn't going to work, too fresh. I basically had an emotional meltdown. He doesn't understand and gets irritated with me. We leave on bad terms.

We see each other over Xmas, spend the weekend together. I thought we had a great time. Next day am on my way to shop, pass by adjacent street and surprise, he's got a girl over. I am a mess, don't understand.

I flip out and don't talk until end of January. I ask him how he's doing, if he's dating, etc. He says he's not, he says he's missing me, talks about how much he liked me, never got bored with me, loved me, etc. I find out he is dating someone, same girl from Xmas. I flip out mid February. I do the whole begging, what does she have that I don't thing, am mean, cry, etc. I had been like a time bomb for months over this guy. We don't talk again until Friday.

I have been extremely emotional and upset over this. He made lots of promises to me and I feel like he kept a carrot in front of my nose. He sees it as he cares about me and wanted to make sure I was okay. That is very nice, but if that were true would he have been kissing and affectionate when I was obviously getting more and more confused and upset? He told me that he didn't want me to be alone on Xmas (I was with family). And wanted me to be happy. However, he initiated loving, affection, kissing, when I told him not to do that because it confused me and messed my emotions up. It seems to me that HE didn't want to be alone on Xmas; he said he didn't want to spend Xmas with new girlfriend because he didn't want to get someone a gift when they just met. (He tells me this in January).

 

So fast forward to now, he calls on Friday, he knows how I feel about him. He tells me we broke up because he started looking at other women; he has a wandering eye. Also, apparently, I made him do things he didn't want to do and he is selfish. He tells me he will get confused about his feelings if he talks to me and dates her. He refers to conversations he and I had over the summer, talks about ex-fiance and his feelings that she is now engaged again. He likes that I care about him. I ask him if he still has feelings for me, he says he does but that they are now feelings that he wants me to be okay. I tell him I am exhausted from chasing him (calling him more than he called me, wanting to see him) and he tells me he liked when 'I played hard to get' when we first met; that the chasing hasn't been attractive (no kidding). I never played hard to get, I just didn't know whether or not I liked him and wanted to continue dating him. He tells me I haven't been laid back lately. He tells me he'll call me April 1st. (This time frame has been a theme, as he needs 2 weeks to decide to date, be friends, talk, take a break, etc).

 

Have big feelings for him. Making me nuts.

So here is the more complete version.

[Jayar]

I'm not sure how many times you need someone to tell you "I'm not into you" and how many different WAYS they need to say it before you understand?! Don't do this to yourself... You deserve way better.

[amy99roo]

I'm not sure how many times you need someone to tell you "I'm not into you" and how many different WAYS they need to say it before you understand?! Don't do this to yourself... You deserve way better.

 

I guess there have just been so many mixed messages from him I have no idea what to believe. When he says he'll never date me again he'll follow it up a month later with 'he doesn't know what will happen'. I feel like 'that girl' already and don't need that pointed out; I feel pretty stupid as it is. But thanks for the thoughts...

[Jayar]

I guess there have just been so many mixed messages from him I have no idea what to believe. When he says he'll never date me again he'll follow it up a month later with 'he doesn't know what will happen'. I feel like 'that girl' already and don't need that pointed out; I feel pretty stupid as it is. But thanks for the thoughts...

 

Honey, we've all been there... Sometimes you need it pointed out not because you are stupid, but because you are blinded by your heart. The thing is, you can't look at what he's saying... Look at what he's doing. And unless he's showing up on your doorstep and wanting to be your boyfriend forever, he's not saying anything worth listening to.

[amy99roo]

I know. It's hard to hear. I feel almost guilty for falling in love in 6 months...I never let that happen. I hate this. Hope sucks.